Big chopped...again. Lol
This is the result of being Bored and looking at pictures of fabulous twa's.
Head feels so much damn lighter.
Thinking about experimenting with color
Maybe burgundy. Yo no se.
Yes yes that is the ubiquitous side eye and yes I do take entirely too many damn pictures of my damn self.
Music: vernacular of the soul
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Big chopped...again. Lol
Posted by dejanae at 2:43 AM
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Had conversations with two friends this week who enlightened me on their first impressions of me and...im not amused. Lol. I am not a bitch. Im just socially awkward as fuck (uh lets just say developing socialization skills are hard when you're busy getting your ass kicked. Dont ask. Actually. Ask and ill tell you all about it) and That face i make, yoo it's just my face. I wake up looking like that. I'm not a big smiler. Habit I picked up after years of wearing braces, but I laugh with ridiculous abandon. I swear I'm not an asshole...all the time. Even when I am, it's fake assholery (yes. It's a word 'cause I say so) sprinkled with fairy dust and unicorn piss. So if you see me in the corner grimacing while everyone about me is laughing n shit, remember that that is my normal face and if you wanna say hi, do it and save me from my awkward black girl syndrome. remember I'm more afraid of you than you are of me.
Status I posted on Facebook the other day.
But then someone had to show their ass in my comments
"Well, I've noticed how women and some men will say "I'm not this or I'm not that" and most of the time their friends will ALWAYS agree...For instance, I'm a good person and yet you've quarentined me for NO reason whatsoever when unlike most men who see you as just a sex object, I've always attempted to get to know you...So, my impression of you based on how you treat my attempts at simple conversation is not good....As I said, your "friends" will mostlikely co-sign most of your self assessments because they're your friends...A last example is this...I'm a very social person who engages with anyone on a casual level if they are not crazy and are respectful...Ppl who ONLY interact with already established friends are not neccessarily social; not all the time...I'm not shitting on you persay, but I'm just like "okay, I'm not made of money but I'm attractive, intelligent, conversationalist, respectful and yet she doesn't even engage with me whatsoever" its
sad really...We never had to "date" but we could atleast chat on a friendly level and who knows, maybe you'd end up liking me...So, amidst your friends posting that you're not a "bitch/difficult" or what have you...I'm here to just give a neutral impression of you
There goes the neighborhood. Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. Negro, How you finna take what's supposed to be my attempt at vying for friendship and make it about you? Lol. In the vain of assholery sprinkled with fairy dust and unicorn piss, here goes. When I first met you at that fraternity party you spoke maybe three sentences to me the whole night. What you did do was spend hours talking to Adream. Understandably, I was a little weirded out when you asked for my number at the end of the night. Even more so when I found out you had spent a substantial part of that conversation extolling the virtues of my female form. ( how ironic. You definitely would never see me as just a sex object tho and lets be clear, you wish i only came across as that one dimensional. Im a sex object with a fabulous personality. Dont play me) but you know what, you seemed a nice enough guy, even if a little er um different. You asked me out after we spoke on the phone a few times.
Asked me what I wanted to do and I made it painfully easy. Movies and McDonalds. Yes. No 200 dollar dates here. That fucking easy. Movies and McDonalds. You later informed me that you had just done groceries n that wasn't doable (even though you had purchased a game system a few days prior). You suggested a walk along the South Street Seaport. Romantic sure, if I knew who you were, liked you already, and didn't mind strolling past restaurants in full view of heifas who could actually get a man to purchase them a meal, on the first date. I may be crazy here but that didn't sound too appealing. But my lonely, bored ass ( despite being lonely and bored) knew not to head 45 minutes out of my way to subject myself to that. I did not feign any manner of injury. Simply suggested we meet up at Target and chat because I still had hope that personality would trump all. You were a nice enough guy I guess (homophobic rant, bad mouthing ex-girlfriends, pointing out
the plethora of females who found you attractive and bland conversation aside) I left Target that evening confident in the fact that we wouldn't be dating and probably wouldn't be friends either. ( my friends know better than to hang around when I'm on an empty stomache ). This is not to say that you're not a decent guy and it's definitely not to say that I'm not an asshole. I'm adept at that shit. It's just to say that that's life. Let me let you in on a secret. This year I tried to get to know three guys romantically. They all looked me up and down, said No Thank You and moseyed on down Never Ever Gonna Get It Lane. I moved on. Okay maybe I went home, drunkenly applied lipstick, put on my highest heels, made soda can hair rollers and belted out Beyonce's Why Don't You Love Me but that's beside the point. I couldn't make them see me as I saw me. I think what you need is closure, so here it is. I release you. Go find her. That someone who finds you as
attractive, funny, intelligent, charismatic and as compassionate as you seem to think you are. I will try to find the man who finds me sexier than Halle Berry. I think we're both gonna need luck on our journeys.
"As stated...friends will more often than no ALWAYS co-sign for there friends with only a few exceptions...I'm not saying you're a bad person OR a good person, I personally don't know either way, but it sucks that I wasn't givin the chance to know either way...Usually posts like these are all about self reassurance "I'm not this particular way, I'm a nice person" and ofcourse ppl will say "yes you are a good person" I'm used to ppl who keep it real regardless of the friendship...perhaps you have a few of those friends, perhaps not, I don't know....Its like you showcase your body a lot on here and wherever else so MOST men are gonna be like "she fine" "I wanna hit that" etc etc all the while you try to showcase this air of intelligence lol!! Well, to someone who would like to know what's behind the ass, thighs, tits you give no chance so its not a good look... "
Arthur, my friends are assholes who could care less about Cosigning and find a way to take me down a peg every chance they get.Wouldn't have it any other way. This Madonna/whore confusion you got going on is treatable. I can infact showcase breasts, hips, ass and manage to walk upright, string two sentences together and read and write. Astonishing I know.
Arthur: "Well well well...I asked for your number. Because I felt that you and I could talk...My apologies for meeting you when my circumstances were not up to par but I still tried...Now you mentioned "Homophobic conversation" lmfao!! A phobia is a fear of something...I don't fear gay ppl...I don't agree with that lifestyle choice as I know its a chemical imbalance scientifically speaking...But each to there own...As for my "ex-girlfriend" talk? Well, YOU did ask me the question and I answered...simple as that, maybe I shouldve lied and told you rosy stories; sorry :( then the arrogance part where I SUPPOSEDLY spoke highly of myself?? Well, forgive me for being confident in my looks, it wasn't always like that as I was once VERY shy...all in all, my character depth as a person throws you off because while you may be intelligent in your own right I can match and depending on the topic; exceed your level so that didn't appeal to you much...We didn't have to "date" persay as I knew my situation was not fit for that kind of arrangement
BUT, I can be an amazing friend that has insight into many things and my "situation" is only temporary...But, regardless of the fact, you and I couldve atleast been cool...Hell, even times when I randomly saw you in the street you acted as tho I done wrong to you...sighs...females...."
Me: Look. Bands don't make me dance. (Unless they're weddings bands from Tiffany's ) I obviously still tried to get to know you even after it became apparent that it wasn't a dream date. There was nothing there. I'm not obligated to be your friend or anything else.you coulda took me on a 200 dollar date, looked like Will Smith and laid down ur coat over a puddle for me to walk over and I'd still be under no obligation to be your friend. That is how this life works. Just wasn't that into you. You will find that that can infact happen. Trust me. I've been there *shimmies away*
"You tried to get to know me?? Hmm okay...and I am fully aware that nobody is "oblidged" to do anything but I'd figure (my fault) that a woman like yourself would appreciate knowing someone that is intelligent and ambitious, nothing serious, just friendship...Obviously, I was wrong..."
Me: We sat and spoke for a few hours and we'd had a few conversations prior to that. I figure that's enough to know if we'd be friends or anything else. Lest I be a bitch, You did seem like a decent enough guy. (no serial killer tendencies) Our personalities did not sync up at all. I do know quite a few ambitious and intelligent folk. Doesn't scare me. I wish you nothing but the best man
Why are folk trying me?
His essay had nothing to do with me really. It was entirely about his ego. This "date" took place a year and a half ago. Seen this negro in the streets three times since then. Every time he found a way to whine about why we weren't together. I honestly wish i was that fucking fabulous yall. I really do but I'm not.
Maybe tomorrow ill tell you about midget Republican
or ugly African Phd
son. there's ugly, then theres so ugly that you wish a nigga wouldnt smile 'cause all it does is make him look worse and leave you wondering how God could be so cruel
til next time
Posted by dejanae at 10:30 PM