Cool Glass of Dejanade

2011-09-19T16:24:00.002-04:00

Bleh
ive been going through youtube vids all afternoon and im seriously contemplating doing the big chop again.
I feel like i need a damn change
and cutting my hair is a heck of a lot easier than losing those extra 20 lbs
we'll see
either that or ima start rockin some gangsta ass long poetic justice braids

Ima be headed to the bowery poetry club tomorrow night for 8pm if anyone's down

ive been tryna write but my head's not in it right now

To be honest, im sorta fuckin depressed
please dont give me no bullshit about how it could be worse
I know that
lemme wallow in this self pity shit right now because that's where i need to be

tho it would help if you wanted to tell me the shit u got goin wrong in ur damn life
or buy me a drink

im bout to go listen to some Luther

Life

2011-08-29T16:19:00.002-04:00

Said she lived life with no thought to consequences
Her journey dedicated to risk
Her body, an intricate mural,
besides it'd make it easier to identify her when the time came
Death visited her every night in her dreams
So she spent her every waking moment chasing it

Can i Live?

2011-05-18T02:01:00.003-04:00

i'm just lookin out the window when she asks me
the same damn question she asks almost every time i see her
"So. you gotta man yet?"
(Really tho??!?!?)
me:*sighs* No
her:you sure? You better let me know if you do cuz if you go around tellin people you're not seeing someone and u end up pregnant....well people are gonna think you sleep around...you're a ho. u know what i mean?
me:*grimace* I'm grown. When i get a man you'll be the 2nd person to know.ok? I don't have to hide anything. I think at the age of 24, i can safely assume noone's gonna be alarmed.
(enter awkward silence)
"Do any guys try to talk to you...ask you out?"
(oh thnx mom. your doin wonders for my self esteem here.)
"yeah.sometimes"
(drop it already old bag. No need to beat a dead horse. I'm single and my ovaries are shriveling up as i speak.got it)
she looks over quizzically

"It doesnt go anywhere" *shrugs*
one minute later
"Do girls try to talk to you?"
(rolling eyes into the base of my skull)
"yeah.Sometimes"

Why's she staring into my eyes like that?
"What do you do?"
(I usually just say yes. "I'd love to be your lesbian lover" takem home and showem a good time)
the hell u think i say?
"uh.I say thnx for the compliment and keep it moving"
"oh.ok"

siiiiiiiiiiiigh
................................................

I'm sitting infront of the television talkin to the ole haitian immigrant
a conversation that includes such fascinating topics as chubby chasers, murderers, bestiality, homosexuality, mangoes and me being a lesbian

No you did not miss any revelation
I am still (as of now) straight
Apparently i defend the gays too damn hard
and that never had a man by the age of 26 thing (a brief foray into dating during grade school yrs doesnt count)
and that hypothetical story i started with " Well if you caught me in bed with a woman,"
My dad was like "Aha. I knew it."

fuck my life

I'm not gay old ass buzzard
im just hopelessly romantically awkwardly (not that cute awkward either) retarded
and the fellas i want aint checkin for me
and the ones checkin for me, i dont want

I'm starting to think i have a problem
did i mention im fuckin 26. give or take a few mnths (turn 26 in july)
folk getting engaged, married, impregnated, doin the impregnating every other damn second
and i can't get a man
much less keep me one

To the point that

MY OWN FUCKING PARENTS THINK IM GAY

aint that some sad shit
every time the word gay is mentioned in a news cast, movie, conversation, commercial
my dad looks at me to see if this is the damn moment ima choose to say
"Suprise bitches"

...

2011-05-11T21:47:00.000-04:00

i loved him
and left him
then cut him
and kept him

in a jar

under my bed

Offering

2011-05-02T08:29:00.003-04:00

My friend found out last year that her mom had cancer
She found out last week that her mother has a few weeks left to live

I can't offer much but
awkward hugs and thoughtful silences
because sometimes you don't want to speak

sweaty palms to clutch when you feel you've not enough strength to see you through even five more minutes of your day
a shoulder to catch falling tears
Inappropriate jokes and boisterous laughs to cut through pain
i listen to a soul lay bare
fears that there's not nearly enough time to apologize for hurtful words

Arrrrrr.I hate you right now

2011-04-14T11:05:00.002-04:00

So really Dell
360 dollars
the hell
The plan was to post atleast 3 times a week
My computer is on strike
It works only when the ac adapter is plugged in and the battery is taken out...sometimes
That dont make a bit of sense
smh
Did i mention ive had this computer for less than a damn year
360 bucks
i could buy a whole new fuckin computer and buy me a damn snickers bar (im fiendin for them currently)

random tandem

2011-04-07T00:21:00.005-04:00

remember when chicks in videos were ur average round the way cute chick

i miss that

obvious ass product placement annoys the fuck outta me

be a little more discreet

his name,
i can't recall at the moment
his ass,
will live on in infamy

Guy at the gym who i've only seen that once and who has yet to return
save me

I need friends who aren't tryna pimp me out to every Tyrone, Derrick, and Hakim who shows any bit of interest in me

I'm quite appreciative of the fact that my friends consist of many a midget.lol
Just makes me appear that much more statuesque

too bad for them tho
my boobs are inevitably in one of those bitches faces or... who the hell am i kidding??

i don't care

working on bootleg crap

id like to think im unique
but it wouldnt take but 4 seconds to profile me.
like my issues are fuckin profound

they might be

but they're also despicably common
and i'm one for boasting "im special"
words to fortify spirit that begged for some protein supplements.

She'll remain stoic in the face of jeers,
but cry tears of frustration over lost shoes
cuz even inanimate objects tend to fail her too

no suitor to climb a ladder that never rested outside her window sill
devoured trashy romance novels and Cosby show reruns like love began somewhere between yellowed pages and tv hugs

looked around to see if anyone could hear her heart beating eratically
Envisioning of passionate kisses somehow more lewd than any pornographic scene she'd stumble upon those late nights tryna figure what love would be like

Did this negro just.......

2011-04-06T04:06:00.003-04:00

I stood there, bottom lip inches from the floor, purple thong in hand, lookin confused as all hell

Did this negro just proposition me?
*looking around to make sure he wasn't talkin to someone else"
The hell!?!?!?!
Not that i've never been propositioned before mind you (if you look halfway to female, some dude has tried to holla), but i refused to believe it
First off i'm pretty sure dude was born before the invention of the steam engine (one of your great grandpappys has probably tried to holla, thats not where the confusion comes in)
Second of all, Ain't your ass gay gay???!?!
He must've read my mind because the next words that came out his mouth were "I'm not gay"
I stood there trying to wrap my head around it
Mind you this negro looked like Paul Mooney and Little Richard had a baby...girl...in the year of our Lord 1503

I started thinking about all the times i went to the laundromat and he'd be smiling at me and kissing my hand and switching his skinny jean encased little butt past me
and he had the nerve to be straight

I felt bamboozled yall
I felt like he used my secret wish of a flamboyant gay fairy godmother against me
like a devious secret weapon

Blast it all to hell
is nothing sacred anymore?!?!?!?

i was gone for a minute now im back with the jumpoff

2011-04-04T16:29:00.003-04:00

Testing... testing

The bitch is back
for real this time
Twitter could never replace this here love thing

So

I got new hairs

put on a few lbs (currently back at the gym cuz lookin like your smugglin human cargo ain't what's hot in these here streets)

been working on my writing...sorta

trying to enjoy life

What's it lookin like in your neck of the woods?

"aINT YOU TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT??!?!!?

2010-10-07T05:51:00.004-04:00

hallow's eve steadily approaches
what to be?what to be?
where to go?
got ideas?

ima bootleg the costumes from crap i already have in my damn closet
cuz i am cheap
and its a recession
and i am cheap

i was thinkin bout a bootleg 40's femme fatale
or a bootleg gangsta ass superhero called Mclaren ofcourse

what yall doin?
How old is too old to do Halloween?
_____________________________________________

Callin females out their name cuz they dont wanna fuck every Tom,Dick, and Tyrone that utters a "hi ma"
Who still does that shit?
dudes who try to holla @ me on flatbush is who
smh
I woulda got gully but um
they was rollin in a pack
and you know how ninjas get when they rollin deep
and those Bruce Lee moves i practice in my head might not work out so well in real life
ya feel me right?
im still gangsta tho
______________________________________________

Peer pressure stopped workin on me somewhere around middle school
I wear what i want
say what i want
drink what i want when i want to
and manage to do all this without needing anybody's damn approval or cosign
*gasp*
mindblowing concept huh?
not really but some people havent gotten the hang of it yet
______________________________________________

Askin chicks over to the crib on your first "date"
le sigh
Why dudes keep tryna play me
Am I that chick?
thefuck??!?!!?
Received my third house date invitation yesterday
This from a guy who should definitely know better
The next guy who asks me that, its gonna be a wrap
Ima just be like. if you wanna fuck, just say you wanna fuck cuz this playin house shit on the first date thing will get you nowhere quick
i'd respect you more if you just said you wanna fuck
genuine, grade A, organic, no preservatives talk
______________________________________________

_

Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one

2010-09-04T14:17:00.003-04:00

Repost

Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one

It's the ole haitian immigrant's bday

So yeah
i love the ole bag

like me, he's a straight shooter
He laughed his head off when i announced my plan to go on American Idol
(now i was joking but his black ass aint know that. ida got my feelings hurt if i was serious)

I don't know how good an idea it is to tell your kids that they were mistakes, but my dad always let me know that he took his role of father seriously but it wasnt a situation he went into willingly.

He asked my moms to get an abortion
She refused
He left
I came
He came back
and the rest as they say
is history

Theirs was never a love story
and pops was sure to let me know that
not out of any sense of cruelty
just to let me know that raising my black ass was something that had to grow on him

I was a few weeks old when he came back
(he wasnt there for my birth)

he aint want no damn babies
but he also aint want to have any of his damn babies running around not knowing their father either
so
he resigned himself to his fate

The home life was uh
riddled with colorful language

Those two bastards definitely did not need to be together
My dad left and came back atleast 10 times that i can remember

Despite all the drama, i always knew that he loved me
even though he refuses to jump in front of a moving car for me
refuses to take a bullet for me
refuses to pay for my future wedding
and refuses to pop and lock when i ask him to

but since he cried when i got in that car accident, ima give him a pass

one of my dads fave shows?

aww man
the memories

The pops..
sometimes i just dont get him

We (the lil bros, pops, and i) went to go see Bad Boyz II when it came out in theatres
figured his black ass would have to stay awake thru an action packed film right?
wrong
i kept having to elbow him awake

I finally gave up and just enjoyed the blasted film
then towards the end, he bursts out laughing hysterically
fuckin scared the bejesus outta me
apparently he found the scene where Martin ask the daughter's date if he's a virgin hilarious
huh?
all the shit u done missed snoring all up and through the movie but u gon blow out a lung over that?
watev

His nickname for me is Danounou
I hate for anyone else to call me that
but from pops its all good

Ive always called him by his first name
Augue
infact he said that was my first word actually
ima bit skeptical on that one

i get my height from the pops
he's 6'5"

His pops wasnt the kindest of folk
real strict and unmoving

He made sure he was the opposite with his kids

He's only whooped me twice that i can remember
One was for calling him stupid
man
that was the angriest he's ever been with me

i get my sarcasm and wit from him
(the movie star good looks too.lol)

i'd say: "i hate u"
he'd say: "yeah. until u want money" (he knows me so well)

i'd say: "i wish you were dead"
he'd say: "yeah. until you want money"

i'd say: "you're ugly"
he'd say: " yeah well. i got it from u"

i'd say: "im going to run away"
he'd say: "what's stopping you"

fastforward to today

i say: "i love you"
he says: "u need money?"

he says: "i love you"
i say: " no thank you. u can keep it"

he says: "(some crap that gets on my nerves)"
i say: "that's why you're not married"

he says: "Diana. can you iron this?"
i say: "That's why i need to marry you off"

i say: "pops can u hold this?"
he says: "ima progressive feminist. carry it yourself"

Can't you just feel the love?

awwww
he's not just the sperm donor

he's my dad

our relationship may not be family friendly sitcom worthy
but it's real
it's special

it's love

and he can beat up your dad any day of the week
im serious
dont make him get gangsta

I remember

2010-08-30T18:36:00.003-04:00

I remember...
Shit
What don't i remember? Kinda hard to forget the day you realized your mother might just be crazy. There were other instances to follow .You know, just in case the crazy wasn't evident enough and i needed a little more convincing. Apparently someone upstairs didnt hear me cry uncle for the 5th time in as many damn years.
Where was I?
I stood there, mouth hanging open as if my jaw had become unhinged, eyes staring out the kitchen window, hoping my mind was somehow playing tricks on me. "No this bitch didn't."(i only thought those words of course. I valued my life.Maybe value's too strong a word there but i wasnt ready to meet my maker just yet. That'd be some fucked up shit)
I keep going off in tangents
Yesh
Staring in utter disbelief as my mother nonchalantly chucked armfuls of my shit out the damn kitchen window.
"Mommy, what are you doing?!?!!!"
"Nothing"
"Mommy.Stop it!"
"It's okay Diana"
Thats when i saw her reach for my bag.
What bag?
The same bag that had held all my textbooks, my senior pictures and my senior dues
yes that bag
"Mommy, you can't throw that out. My school books are in there."
"Okay.I wont" she says, as she removes my textbooks from the bag
and then... proceeds to throw every single one out our kitchen window like she had bookmarked the pages with her damn senses and shit

TOUGH

2010-08-30T04:19:00.002-04:00

i WILL NOT PRETEND TO LIKE YOU SIMPLY TO ASSUAGE YOUR OWN GUILT.SHIT....YOU NEVER SPARED A THOUGHT FOR MY DAMN FEELINGS

My life my life my life my life in the sunshine (or not)

2010-07-01T19:35:00.006-04:00

so....
uh
how yall been
(i know full well that i'm probably talking to myself right now but thats aight.i missed this here blogging crap)

Ive been hitting the gym regularly
like really
no for real this time
lol
Helps a whole damn lot that my buddy Fiona decided to get a damn membership too
and ooh Lord
somea the fineness that frequent that joint
all glistening muscle, and abs, and tight asses, and quads
ima little horny sue me
(tho i was disturbed by this one guy. I like a guy with an ass but chile, if ur ass is the envy of all video hoes..sorry...video vixens, ummm
Honestly, i stared mezmerized for like 2 whole minutes (oh and he had the nerve to be on the stairmaster, i was gonna go push his swole self off but i was entranced by the two growths tryna pass themselves off as ass cheeks)
where was i
oh yeah
horny
I hear double entendres everywhere
i need some damn help
and my mind just wandered off into xxx zone again
i figure im safe from spontaneous combustion for the moment
_____________________________________________________

don't you just love e-thugs
especially when they owe you money
won't pick up their phone when you call
but when wanna get gully in facebook messages

I grew up in the streets of Haiti bitch
we don't play that shit
(ok maybe living there from the age of 1-3 doesnt count, but still, i figure weilding machetes is in the blood)

messages to follow in
3

2

1

dumb heifa: As you know I was told that the letter they received would"ve eliminated my part of the fees, which was not the case, so now that I have to deal with it I will when I could .

Diana : When you can? When will that be???!!!Ill have you know that the guy explained that to us while we were getting the membership .I added you as a favor and expressly told both you and Zorina you were responsible for your own cancellation fees. Should I be responsible for your actions? You do realize that i'm the one being billed for it right? I've been as patient as i can. You've had weeks in which to pay me back and get this resolved, you've instead chosen to play games.I'll remind you that you signed a contract. I've made repeated requests for the money you owe me.I will take you to small claims court if my money is not recieved in a timely manner.Im giving you 2 weeks!!!!!I was nothing but nice to you but all you did was show me that you could not be trusted.Remember the way you felt when Laurence didn't return your ipod?Dont attempt to con me.You currently owe 100dollars.See that you keep your word. .

dumb heifa: I refuse to pay you anything for be a unconsiderit bitch lol, I will go there with the money to ballys. it would be in your file. and plz dont contact me again Im starting to feel like you want me not the money sorry im straight LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .

Diana: That's hilarious. I'm not even going to dignify that with a response because, unlike you, i'm way too old and mature to be playing these highschool games. If I were you, i'd get my life on track, especially with a young child. Just handle your responsibilities, pay me my money and get the help you need. It's sad really because i was actually trying to be a friend to you. Hell i even offered to help you get your GED. It really is a shame that you have such little respect for yourself.
Right now you're coming across as a liar and thief.I really do feel sorry for you. .

dumb heifa: which part of it made you so jittery. The fact that you"re a unconsiderate jealous bitch.Thats the funny part to me. What kind of friend can you indicate you were. Mabe an insensitive one not my cup of tea. You can"t ever be my friend, I thought you was a heart felt person, All you did was criticize, me about asking you for help with my studies, You"re a disgraceful person. I have a disire to complete college and I will all on my own. Im already inrolled in college, So thanks for the dramatic paragraph you wrote. I think you need more help then I do so get your fact straight before you emphasize what you don"t know darling! If you don"t like the idea of me giving ballys the money order, you can send me your address and I could mail it to you with no problem.

Diana: Not jittery.Unlike you, I have my shit together hon.Jealous of what?!?!?!?There is absolutely nothing for me to be jealous of. In case you forgot you were the one who kept putting yourself down talking about your flabby stomach, face and stretchmarks. I was encouraging you and I never put you down. I offered you help with a reduced gym membership, Offered to tutor you on your GED exam, offered you advice when you were talking about wanting to get back with your drug-dealer ex boyfriend, invited you out when I was hanging out with my friends (even though i should have known the kinda person you were when you didn't even show up to the club that you had invited me to go to and didn't even call before hand to let me know you wouldn't show up...oh and that other little incident where you lied about my imaginary boyfriend putting up pictures of you and your daughter.You're obviously delusional) Like i said, i feel sorry for you.

oh yeah which one is it? am i jealous of you or am I in love with you?!??!lmao

This can be handled real easily
Meet me at Bally's with the money order this Friday
It's neutral territory and you can bring whoever the hell you want .

dumb heifa: YOU ARE A GAY JEALOUS BITCH I WONT PAY YOU SHIT! who's the big kid now I think this is actually fun, to you. I just wanted to reach out to you, so you wont feel like damn, she left me hanging. Now that I see that you"re a confrontational person. I will do my best to prolong this bullshit some more. lol. You need to gain some confidence in yourself. There is no problem with me telling you about me having weight issue. Im not insecure with myself. I see it had a Huge impact on you. When you told me about the offer I tought It was a nice thing to do,although I was fine doing it from home. You took it opon yourself to kiss my ass. Its all on you. I wont meet you anywhere. Your best bet is to send me your address or wait untill I return back to work .

Diana: sigh
That's wonderful.

You now have until July 5th to pay your debt to me or I will take you to court. I've tried to resolve this in a mature manner, you choose instead to fling insults. You told me two weeks ago that you would meet me at the office to settle your debt. You did not show nor did you inform me that you would not be coming or arrange an alternative date to pay the money. That was the second time we had arranged to meet to settle this issue and the second time you did not show up. It is clear that you have no intention of keepiong your word.
You know what you owe. Both Zorina and the Bally's representative who signed you up will provide statements attesting to the fact that there was an agreement that you would be responsible not only for your monthly gym fee of twenty dollars, but also the cancellation fee of sixty dollars. If you are more comfortable mailing in a money order to Bally's, do so before July 5th and let me know as soon as you send it out.
Go find Jesus.

________________________________
The end

Ill explain from whence this crap came tomorrow
sigh
i really am too old for this
shit, i was too old for this crap in junior highschool

SO ......hErE wE aRe AgAiN

2010-05-13T17:37:00.002-04:00

I'm staring at you
uncomprehending
You refuse to acknowledge the shit you've done to my damn psyche and
denial is a fucked up bitch sitting on my back
You can't mean that
You cant mean the crap i'm getting from you cuz
dammit
I'm back here again
where i said i wouldnt be

The scale now reads 210

good thing a bitch is kinda tall

So just another thing to add to the damn to-do list
July 23 is the goal date.
(my b-day in case u were wonderin)
190 is the goal weight. pretty realistic i think
I will keep u updated on my fake progress or lack thereof

2010-04-02T02:58:00.002-04:00

can you love me please
i dont wanna beg babe
but it's all you're leavin me

always.loved.stories.of.unrequited.love

happy.endings.scare.me

pregnant with pauses

2010-03-08T04:27:00.007-05:00

she had no tears left to relinquish for sanity's sake
no anguished screams to exchange for a night's peace
slowly stepped over into abyss
lost to the world, she smiles
Here nothing exists to remind her of him
or what he did
and what she was

pregnant with pauses (or some variation of that)is gonna be a series of bootleg writings to get me out of this writers block rut
They probably wont be complete or very good
but i gotta start somewhere

wish me luck

ps:hair post goes up when i find my cam
Will probably weave it up tuesday and continue this damn weave as protective style challenge

Workplace professionalism

2010-03-03T03:08:00.007-05:00

~~i should probably be a lot more professional at the work place~~

I call my supervisor "fake llcoolj green mile lookin motherfuckin hoe"(To be fair
he is always lickin his lips when he's talkin to the ladies and he is a husky 6'5")
or "Shug"when im bein lazy (Shug as in Shug Avery not Knight cuz he likes to dress in drag on the weekends...okay maybe he doesnt do that but i tell him he should)

my coworker, an old bag who is always inappropriate but who i cant get mad at cuz he's old as hell n funny with his skeezy old man routine,"project hoe"
This old bag has almost no standards
He said so himself
if its walkin n looks like it could have been female at any point in time, he'll stick his dick in it
(I made him promise me tomorrow that he'll do one of his pole dances while on the train ride from work.Did i mention that he used to be a stripper back in his heyday. I think he told me his stage name was "SMOKE") ILL GET VIDEO N POST IT IF HE DOES

my other coworker, This thick jewish girl who wears tight pants all the time. "yeast infection skank or skankasaur" dependin on the day
she tells mad innapropriate but hilariously funny stories about her sex life
Usually starts off with "Wanna hear somethin funny"
She pretends to get bashful for about two seconds after which she proceeds to tell me about the time she broke her boyfriend's dick
or the time when she was twenty and she went to a hotel with some entertainment lawyer and some 35 year old woman that picked her up in the bar
She's great at parties by the way

This older British guy i call my husband unless he's gettin on my nerves at which point he's "the baby daddy who im threatenin to divorce and kidnap our kids and live off the grid somewhere he'll never track us down" i try not to get mad at him too often cuz that shit is a mouthful. He's this painfully thin British dude who loves horror films and can be quite patronizin and rude at times. That's why i love his sarcastic flat ass. doesnt hurt that he calls me "farmer slut" either (don't ask)

Oh
the fro is back

u wanna ~~run your fingers thru~~ touch it dont ya?

voices from beyond

2010-02-13T03:59:00.002-05:00

Otherwise known as
i did not write this shit
otherwise known as guest blogger crap

You'll see one of these every thousand years

I logged into my FB account and my good friend asks me if I know of any places hiring. Hell No! You see my phone is off! How am I supposed to know of any prospective jobs if I cant even keep up with the cheapest phone plan out there? This phone company is even kinder because it cheerfully lets my callers know that my broke ass has been DISCONNECTED. Fully ensuring and entombing me in the shame and embarrassment that has been following me for the past...heck I lost count. Spent my last $20 on cigs. Fuck you if you're judging. That $20 wouldnt have paid for my phone bill and I aint going nowhere anytime soon. "blows smoke out in non-seductive way* It could have been worse. I could have bought the cigs and some cheap vodka. This has been done before but Im one of those "social drinkers" and I cant call anyone to "socialize" with. You can now see the dilemma.

Two things about the smoking. a) I used to be part of Truth. You know that anti-smoking campaign with the super lame super dumb commercials? I was all up in that. Did the marches, worked the field, went to events. Now I tell my peoples it was anti-teen smoking and Im an ADULT but they're not having it.
b) I started smoking with my ex's child's mother the day she came over to my house and told me his snakelike ways. Not that Im blaming her of course, she's a new close friend and smoking in my family is a rite of passage. Like becoming bankrupt.

So here I am post breakup and broke. Surprisingly enough I have a Valentines Day date. Even had 3 offers. This guy is not even my type. READ=Not a LOSER. I guess things are looking up compared to the past several years with my unromantic husband and the slew of nimrods before him. V day Date tells me to dress up in a state that surpasses Applebees wear (Do I HAVE anything to wear that bests Applebees? He's giving me too much credit!) And he will be picking me up in a motor vehicle which I am quite sure has no outstanding warrants and tickets on it. *takes a shot of Absolut* Things are looking up my people! Wish me luck!

stream of consciousness

2010-02-04T05:25:00.001-05:00

niggas wanna play at shit like its a fuckin game
not takin time to realize that this world
for some
is little more than the streets
that hollow
like the barrel of that gun from which bullets expelled
like bullets ringing
aimed at life
hearts stopped
fists clenched
guerilla warfare
playin at being gangsta when they had a choice
heart hardened years of pain
daddy gone
village burned
women raped
crack epidemic
sweeping streets
six siblings nothing to eat
pick ur motherfuckin side nigga
somehow evolved into blood in blood out
i aint had no fuckin choice nigga
needed someone to have my back nigga
cuz wasn't nobody there
but you wanna play like u know life on the streets
like you can recall
those cold rainy days
as u slept on that parkbench cuz home
home was little more than four walls
behind which
the most gruesome shit went down
mama spreading legs for that next hit
visiting daddy behind them prison walls
wachya know bout pain nigga
wachya know bout
nothing in the fridge but water
and bread
wachya know bout
water and cereal cuz u couldnt afford no damn milk
children lined up waiting on relief
rice and cornmeal to get you thru the week
tell me when you saw your brother get shot down
bullet between the eyes
when you held his body couldnt hardly make out his damn head
tell me motherfucker
tears streaming down cuz now
now u really are alone
cuz u playin at shit that i done experienced
seen
no need for rap lines, video games, movie screens
were u there?
did you see the carbomb go off
did you see the bodies fall
hear the ringing of bullets
feel your soul leave
as you heard the thud
of his 6 foot four frame
hitting the concrete floor
body parts amidst ash and rubble
choose a side nigga they said
i didnt have no fuckin choice
soldier
didnt wanta be
had the choice wouldnt wanna be
but the choice was taken from me
choose sides nigga
blood in blood out nigga

Insert nonsensical crap here

2010-01-26T00:31:00.005-05:00

so......
wat's new?

ive been getting out more?
uh
I dont even really have shit to say
um uh
I got a new bootleg weave

I honestly walked my black ass into the store and took the cheapest/curl-like shit i could get
8.99 a pack baby
dont judge me
I forgot the shit wasnt human hair for a second(i usually get the human one but im doin this protective challenge thing where i keep my hair weaved up or braided for the better part of a year...uh that shit adds up n its a recession hence the 8.99 hair weave. DONT FUCKIN JUDGE ME DAMMIT)
anyway where was i
yeah i forgot it wasnt human hair n my dumbass went and tried to curl it with a curling iron
weaveologist fail
the front crap is all crinkly crackly

meh
its being switched out in a month anyway
no biggie smalls

Hmmm
what else
I'm on a 'eat better so u look good for ur damn birthday' meal plan
This is not a New Years Resolution despite what my brother might tell u
Three comments in the past coupla weeks about the extra poundage (sounds dirty right?)
The first was to the effect that i was eating good(otherwise known as i can see the imprint of the bigmacs struggling to burst free of ur body)- this from my best friend's pops
Some old bag at church who told me i was at the edge of a cliff ready to jump into obesity ocean (well not quite like that but thats wat the fuck i heard)
and the third from the ole haitian immigrant who keeps bringin up long lost Bally memberships in conjunction with boyfriendlessness (cue 10-second long side eye)

Now
i was good today
sorta
two salads(with a lot of dressing, but dont even come out ur face n say anything)
2 fruits
a granola bar
orange juice/apple juice/and water drinks of choice
Tomorrow is not even promised so i aint even gonna front like ima be good tomorrow
dont give me that damn look
okay
okay
dammit
ill try

i said id fuckin try
its not like i pushed u off ur land and tried to kill ur tree god or nothing
fall back

Update

2010-01-15T14:46:00.004-05:00

both my uncles and aunts and their kids on my dad's side are ok
Spoke to my cousin via skype
Told her she looked a damn mess
She said, and i quote, "I've been through an earthquake.Wats your excuse?"
lol
Bitch got jokes

Their houses are damged pretty badly and theyre staying at a different location
My dad's house that he was going to retire to suffered some damage as well
but it's still standing
My aunt's place of work basically fell down around them but she made it out
I'm so grateful for all ur prayers
I was hoping for the best but honestly i was imagining the worst

Still havent heard from my mom's side of the family yet
My uncle went into Port-au-Prince on business and we havent heard anything
Sigh
We've been trying to get in contact with friends and family
Askin folk if they can check on others and stuff
The road conditions arent that great in the best of times so.....

I'm gonna just keep hoping for good news
Praying that Haiti can get thru this
If it's one thing i know the Haitian people are, it's resilient and proud (yeah that was 2 things.sue me)

the first, and the only, successful slave revolt in the history of the world.
(no pact with the devil needed. Pat Robertson needs to sit his ole ass down somewhere. quoting the devil and shit like he got access to HELL TV transcripts)

We got the heart man
just need a helping hand

Now get off ur asses and do something
I'm watching you

Wat if....?

2010-01-12T23:49:00.003-05:00

The what if's are playing in my mind and i'm really trying to not think about it
If i do, ill cry
and i won't be able to stop
so i pray
hope
that everything is....ok
ill be happy with ok
with alright
haven't heard from the fam yet
can't contact anyone
shit sounds bad
My dad was supposed to be in Haiti today
I fucked up his ticket and scheduled the wrong flight date
so he's at work right now
He would've been in Port Au Prince right now instead
They say everything happens for a reason
I'd be feeling this way times 5 million if he was down there
sigh
Can we get a fuckin break?!?!?
Can Haiti get a fuckin break?!?!??
Please

Help Haiti Earthquake Relief Donate $5 by texting YELE to 501501
Send some prayers/wellwishes/positive thinking my folks way

So.....

2010-01-01T01:46:00.003-05:00

its.that.time.of.year.again

2009-12-24T15:30:00.006-05:00

happy.holidays
I.dont.cele6rate.Christmas
I.do.however,accept.gifts
have.no.pro6lem.with.cash.and.gift.cards

dont.6e.surprised.if.i.show.up.for.Christmas.dinner
I.crash.those.too
just.have.an.extra.pace.setting

oh.i.like.cheesecake
have.some.waiting

Have.you.6een.less.extravagant.with.the.gifts.this.year.6ecause.
of.the.economic.downturn

a.few.folk.have.said.theyre.getting.me.something
shhhhhhh
id.rather.they.not
that.means.i.have.to.get.their.asses.shit
I.always.give.6etter.shit.than.i.receive
thats.not.sayin.much
i.get.shit.like:
pens
keychains
plastic.flowers
no.lie

folk.say.shit.like
"it's.ok..u.don't.have.to.get.me.anything"
suuuuuuuuuuuure
emotional.6lackmail.follows.shortly.thereafter

Is.that.not.in.the.Christmas.spirit
oh.well
dont.get.me.cheap.shit.just.cuz.i,said.i.dont.cele6rate.it
dont.get.me.shit.then

6ah.hum6ug
Santa.is.a.drunk.trespassing.slo6
he.gon.get.ro66ed.at.knife.point.if.he.comes.down.my
invisi6le.chimney

then.ima.auction.off.the.gifts
That.fat.man.owes.me

wonder.wat.santa.was.doin.that.year.u.didnt.get.ur.gift
wonder.no.more

Don't Stop til u get enough

2009-11-24T23:39:00.007-05:00

I still dont have a life so you'll have to put up with the mundane til exciting shit comes along

Love
nada goin on in that front
I still always manage to find the crackheaded fellas anywhere i go
Went out with some friends last Saturday
sigh
This Middle Eastern dude who kept referring to me as 'big girl' *side eye*
no concept of personal space
tryna dance all up on me
thought he was the lovechild of Janet Jackson and Usher. dancing like a friggin idiot all night
swore he was doin some hot shit
no hon
u just look like ur having an epileptic seizure
a very enjoyable epileptic seizure, but an epileptic seizure nonetheless

Poetry
sigh
I've been stuck
it kinda hurts
I need to get my mojo back
until then here's some rhymes revisited stuff:
reverse evolution
tryna bring the past back on counterclockwise revolutions, they say that love brings absolution
so I guess there's no solution to the plight that plagues her the
ills that face her
cuz it was a night of stolen innocence and hate that made her
and since she can recall her mother has despised her,
evidence of past crimes so she tried to deny her
therefore
Admittance
into her heart was forbidden,
No entrance but on a good day a smile as pittance

music
Yall know my girl Sade's comin out with new stuff

Gonna cop it cuz come the hell on
IT'S SADE DAMMIT!!!!

I need to go shopping
I saw these nice knee high boots i wanted while i was chillin down in the Bronx last week
tan and brown and pure flyness so
yeah im gonna gettem tomorrow probably
need some over-the-knee boots too
pics will be forthcoming

in the meantime here are some pics of some shoes and crap i picked up last week

that will be all

ask and u shall receive (even if it's a few centuries late)

2009-11-23T03:44:00.004-05:00

October 27, 2009 4:03 AM
Blogger Rashan Jamal said...

Why don't you have a life? Does that count as a real question? Wait, does that count as a second question?

I don't have a real question... just get back to blogging. That is all.

I dont have a social life cuz apparently some higher power doesnt think i deserve one. I must say tho, that ive been goin out a lot more recently
Indeed it does count as a second one smartass

October 27, 2009 9:08 PM
Blogger Desy said...

blogging doesn't always have to be about what's going on in your real life- make something up and tag it as a piece...lol

what's been the most shifting experience you've ever gone through that you felt change the trajectory of your life?
Moving to Lancaster pennsylvania after highschool
Fucked my whole life up.lol
I didnt wanna move there but i didnt really have a damn choice
got all depressed and shit
lost two years of my life to that Godforsaken place
NOT TO MENTION THE COLLEGE CREDITS THAT WOULDNT TRANSFER
ARRRRRRR
October 28, 2009 5:58 PM
Blogger Don said...

How much wood could a woodchuck, chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
*screw face*

Nah, seriously: What is it about a pouring rain that leads to great sleep?
Uh. You would ask this dumb ass question.lol
who knows maybe the sound reminds you of being in ur mom's womb
that makes no sense *shrugs*
the hell should i know?

October 29, 2009 6:06 AM
Blogger clnmike said...

Why is it when you take pics of your self you never look straight ahead but at the camera?
Becuz it steals lil bits of my soul if i look at it head on and
shhhhh
come closer
closer
*whispers* im not particularly photogenic
profile shots seem to work better for me
November 3, 2009 1:12 AM
Blogger Mizrepresent said...

What do you really want to do in your life? What are your goals? lol, i know sounds like i'm interviewing...hey, you said ask away.
Oh Lord
this is why i cant have people askin me questions
folk wanna start vetting me like i'm running for vice president

Goals:
finish school
find job i like (wanna work with at risk youth)
travel a lot
buy a damn house (yall know thats where folk's wealth be at right?)
find a damn man
make him impregnate me
have a shitload of kids (only 3 mine, the rest adopted/foster)
grow old and die

just ask

2009-10-25T18:35:00.002-04:00

don't presume to know me
if u have a question
just ask

most things are more than the sum of their parts
too many people busy doin simple addition and they wonder why they come up lacking

so
i havent blogged in a minute cuz i have no life and im sure u dont want me to ramble on about crap that u could care less about
thats what my twitter account is for....lol

seeing as how i have nothing enlightening to say right now
ask me a damn question and put me out of my misery

wiretapping

2009-09-19T03:45:00.007-04:00

K: i actually saw that before it was a sight to see
dejanae411 : were u scurrrrred?
dejanae411 : lol
K: naw it was a picture but this girl was wearing those stripper shoes and she had to bend completely over to get in the door it was crazy

dejanae411 : haha
dejanae411 : i think i saw that one
K: lol then you can only date basketball players but on the upside you could actually get the condo for your birthday
dejanae411 : fuck u
dejanae411 : with a 5 foot pole
dejanae411 : lol
K: lmao
K: hahahah
K M: yeah yeah
dejanae411 : i'll just sleep my way to the top like every other successful woman
K: lmao
K: who did oprah sleep with?
dejanae411 jean: the devil

K: lol
dejanae411 : she had to
dejanae411 : shes got too damn much
it's not natural
K: thats funny
dejanae411 : it's the truth
dejanae411 : i got it on video
K: the oprah satan porn?
dejanae411 : u know u wanna see it
K: i don't want to burn my eyeballs out i'm good
dejanae411 jean: u lie!!!

K: lol
K: i'm gonna let you finish but i just wanted to say that beyonce had the best...

dejanae411 : lollll
dejanae411 : the jackasses
K: i've been saying i'm gonna let you finish all week its still funny
dejanae411 : uh
dejanae411 : u might wanna let it go
dejanae411 : lol
K: lol i'm real happy for you
K: hahaha
K: ok i'm done i'm done
dejanae411 : die
K: i'm dying to walk up to somebody on the street having a conversation and do that
K: jokes
K: sigh ok i'm good i'm good
dejanae411 : u sure?
dejanae411 : u need a minute?
K: yeah i'm done

dejanae411 : smh
dejanae411 : im lookin for employment cuz like i mentioned earlier...
dejanae411 : i might be out of a job soon

dejanae411 : i need a drink
M: of?
dejanae411 : anything
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : when ur sad u aint picky
M: i feel like some hot chocolate
dejanae411 : yuck
dejanae411 : never liked that crap
M: gasp
M: werd?
dejanae411 : to big bird
M: snap
M: but its hot and chocolate how can you go wrong

dejanae411 : becuz it sends a signal to my brain that tells my stomach to get it the hell out as fast as possible

dejanae411 : lol
M: lol you don't like chocolate?
dejanae411 : i like regular all american chocolate not that liberal hot chocolate namby pamby shit
M: lmao
M: my chocolate has real american values
dejanae411 : suuuure
dejanae411 : ur hot chocolate probably endorses the killing of millions of unborn marshmellow babies every year

M: yeah i have no snappy reply for that one lol
dejanae411 : of course u dont
dejanae411 : im special
dejanae411 : lol

K M: yo whats up with the blog updates you got me reading again and then poof it stops
dejanae411 : i's lazy
dejanae411 : sigh
dejanae411 : n boring
dejanae411 : lol
K M: lol
K M: smh
K M: i like the party blog that was funny
K M: and i like all the fashion stuff
K M: shrugs
dejanae411 : that night was hilarious
dejanae411 : wish i had video
K M: i know it was funny just looking at the pics
dejanae411 jean: hey if anything interesting happens tonight, ill post it
dejanae411 jean: tho i did get propositioned by a pimp 2 days ago
K M: whaaaa?
K M: its the shoes girl
K M: lol
dejanae411 : shut the hell up
dejanae411 : i was working
dejanae411 : lol
K M: lol so what happened
dejanae411 jean: no that that type of work
K M: see this is blog worthy
dejanae411 : i was too lazy to type shit
dejanae411 : i was speaking to registered democrats just reminding them it was the primaries
K M: and you say your boring this is exactly what i come to the blog for
dejanae411 : n lazy
dejanae411 : remember that
dejanae411 : LAZY

dejanae411 : L
dejanae411 : A
dejanae411 : Z
dejanae411 : Y
dejanae411 : lol
K M: lol
dejanae411 : so he's like he's the pimp on the block
dejanae411 : im like " really? u might wanna look into another line of work
dejanae411 : he laughs
dejanae411 : tells me im pretty
dejanae411 : extra long side eye
dejanae411 : i tell him wat im doin n hand him a flyer about the primaries
dejanae411 : he tells me he could get the whole block to go out n vote
dejanae411 : im like: that nice its important to get their voices heard yada yada yada
dejanae411 : then he basically says he'll do it if i become one of his hoes
dejanae411 : sigh
dejanae411 : i couldnt take it
K M: jokes
dejanae411 jean: so ofcourse i laughed in his face
K M: thats rude as hell
dejanae411 : why'd he have the nerve to look offended
dejanae411 : lmao
dejanae411 : i cant with stupid people
dejanae411 : stupid.lol
K M: lol
K M: well at least you know that a pimp thinks you look good
K M: shrugs
K M: silver lining?
dejanae411 : uh no
dejanae411 : they take anything
dejanae411 : thats not a compliment
dejanae411 : i saw somea his hoes

dejanae411 : lol
K M: lmao
K M: ok thats even funnier write this out girl
dejanae411 : i might
dejanae411 : folk think i be making this shit up
K M: that story has jokes for days in it
dejanae411 : i swear
dejanae411 : the idiots find me
K M: and he sounds like a fool
dejanae411 : u dont know that half
K M: lol
K M: damn
dejanae411 : n he wasnt the only pimp i met that day

K M: this happens every day?
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : no
dejanae411 : just that day
dejanae411 : i came across 2
dejanae411 : this older one
K M: oh i was about to say where the heck are they sending you
dejanae411 : i was looking for a specific guy
dejanae411 : asked folk on the step if he lived there
dejanae411 : they pointed to this guy in some car
dejanae411 : told me b careful. he's a pimp
dejanae411 : i laughed. they didnt
dejanae411 jean: lol
K M: lol
K M: damn
K M: they worried you going to ask for a job wth
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : the pimp didnt wanna vote anyway

K M: i don't find that shocking at all
dejanae411 : neither did i
dejanae411 : but i tried

hello. Anybody there?

2009-09-03T10:38:00.002-04:00

So.....
wat yall been up to?

lemme see
went to a bootleg house party where i proceeded to attract all manner of crackhead
so that 'u r wat u attract' crap... straight bullshit
Told the bastard i was fuckin gay but of course what he heard was "Oh yes. I'd love to fuck you in every position imaginable"
I can't

me: I'm here with my girfriend to have a good time. Leave us alone
him:*in whiny ass bitch voice* don't be like that. You discriminating againt me. Why u discriminating against me?
me: I don't want your ass. Get the fuck away
Him: I know u aint really gay. ur bisexual. i can share
me: I DONT FUCKIN WANT YOU!!!
Him: Aren't u a lil too big for her.
(the fuck this nigga just said?!?!?)
wouldnt u rather have the real thing?
I don't care what she does, what she use
i mean a dildo...come on. The real thing is much better . She can't satisfy you
(At this point i'm beyond fuckin pissed but this nigga is still smilin in my face with his dumb self)
I push him the hell away and threaten him with bodily harm
Dude smiles and walks off
I'm thinking: ok it took a while but now he's got the picture the thirsty ass crackhead lookin piece of shit

fastforward to me n the girl walkin out the party

here comes lil fella tryna start up again
follows us from the backyard thru the house and to the trainstation
Marisol-" my girlfriend" aint havin no more of this bullshit and she bout to fight his ass
all 4'8" of her.lmao
her: You don't fuckin understand english dumbass.
leave my girfriend alone.
Him: It don't make no sense. you can't satisfy her
*dude looks at me* It's not natural gal. You can't handle that
MArisol: You dumb fuck. I can satisfy her just fine.
Me and Fiona and Zorina are just dyin
i dont recall what happened next exactly but Zorina called him a lil bitch and that was his cue to flash us
the horror yall
the horror
We had a good laugh that night
awww
the memories

This post wouldve been accompanied by pictures of dude but for the fact that my camera was actin an ass
i might putem up later tho
cuz zorina's friend took pictures of the gremlin

pictionary-caption by numbers

2009-08-19T11:48:00.010-04:00

1.
"oooh. How soon can we get to your place?"
soo....do u really need any more proof that Eb likes to molest youngins
She know damn good n well she should be playin doctor with kids her own age

2.
dudes face when he thought jaded was gon give him the time of day (right before he started talkin to her tat. smh. don't ask.)

3.
his face after she shut his ass DOOOOWN
awww
poor delusional guy
lookin like "you see this bullshit? i used all my best lines and she still won't give me the digits"
It was kinda Jaded's fault tho
he couldnt withstand the cleavage n tat combo
They were callin him
literally

look at her
all evil n shit
*cue music*
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so,
Cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo

4.

Anthony: Hold on now Joy. all i want is five minutes girl
Eb: yeah Joy. Don't b like that. I promised my boy i'd bring him some girls for his birthday

5.
haha
no comment

6.
yall cougars should start a support group

7.
"I wanna be like her when i grow up"

on the real i think thats what she was sayin in her head
chick was from Cali n mad hype to be in the NYC
heard she's supposed to do a music video
hope they call her back cuz she seems like the type to be devastated if they dont
Especially since she mentioned it every other sentence
8.
jaded, dej, and a guest appearance by side eye

9.
uh
err
baffled
this is her happy face
lol

10.
awww
they actually look sober
(a rarity)

pick 3 and caption away
ill do it tomorrow (did it)

objects in mirror are closer than they appear

2009-08-09T21:33:00.007-04:00

_______________________________________________________________________

say congrats to my buddy Maria

doesnt he look just like me?
_____________________________________________________________

me n my dad got in a minor accident on saturday
this cabbie backed into the car and tried to claim it was cuz we were moving too fast
uh dumb motherfucker
we were not moving at all
we were parked
lmao

NO U MAY NOT

2009-08-01T10:42:00.004-04:00

have some of my junior's cheeecake
nananananaaaaaaaaaaaa

masturbate at your open door,visible to all passersby and think its ok
asshole

put ur hand in my hair without my fuckin permission !!!!!!!
i swear
id think that was common sense but no
"grimace"
and every
single
fuckin night i went out
3 consecutive days
some melanine challenged dude either touched or attempted to touch my fro
bitch
this aint no petting zoo
fuckouttahere

call me 5 days after my birthday n try to hold a "normal" conversation as if ur ass aint wrong
mother dearest
oh yeah
she still aint said happy birthday
sigh
who wants to switch moms with me

act an ass and expect me not to tell you bout yourself
ignorant coworkers are a trip
ok
u dont like black folk
(even tho ur black)
white folk,
gays,
(even tho u say you have 2 gay friends but the thought of thinking of them having sex repulses you and u think gay folk are disgusting
well bitch why the fuck u tryna picture urself in their damn bedrooms then)
interracial relationships
cuz

fuck
i aint got the time
the bitch is just all kinds of confused

i tried to post some pics from the bday weekend but my pc is being uncooperative
dont worry
a lil "enhanced interrogation" should do the trick

hung with the cuzzo
shopping
movie
clubbing
burlesque show
taking pics of/with random folk who amused me

pics will be up sometime in the near future

its not too late to send a damn gift

a new computer would be nice
hint
hint

On this day July 23

2009-07-23T09:14:00.007-04:00

24 years ago
I entered the world
and all was well
lol

lil dej

lil bigger dej

big dej

Happy Bornday to me
Happy bornday to me
Happy borndday to me ee
haapy bornday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

where's my damn gifts?
they better be on their way

pondering

2009-07-21T09:34:00.002-04:00

im not sure if im gonna weave it up for my bornday or rock the fro yet
wat yall think?

still havent figured out wat im wearing yet

kellz, harem pants dont do me justice either hon so thats a hell no.lol

u know wat
ur pants may be just a tad too short if i can see half ur booty meat struggling to free itself from ur shorts

if ur pants so loose that u gotta walk spread-eagle to keep them shits off the floor
go shoot urself

if u can't walk in heels
uh
u just can't
wobblin all over the place
a broken ankle aint a cute look

why do all the "special" folk in the club gravitate towards me?

why i waved at this lil girl the other day and she kicked out her foot like "bitch please dont make me kick ur ass"

why did a raccoon stare at me for seconds yesterday?

was doing some canvassing in the Marcy projects yesterday
sigh
why would u wanna fuck up ur own spot?
pee in the elevators
check
trash in the stairway
check
tagged up walls
check

atleast have sense enough to not shit/pee where u sleep

Why is my Brown Sugar dvd fucking up every 5 seconds?

Why do mosquitoes always manage to get me in the weirdest places
ass crack
baby toe
armpits
inner ear

these some fuckin stealth mutant shits

a bitch has needs

2009-07-15T21:58:00.010-04:00

no im not talkin bout sexy time but now that im on the subject,

a bitch needs that shit too

when i get that feeling i want sexual healing
sexual healing
oh baby

i got this virgin thing on lock and seems like its gonna be that way a while yet
because
wtf.
slim pickings n shit

aww it's just too bad ur dumb as fuck cuz that ass would be so perfect to hold onto while.....

aww thats sad. ur tryna be funny and it's not working

and dont think it's possible to be any drier and this look on my face is signalling u to shut the fuck up but u cant read that shit either and

im gone

oh well

where was i?

masturbation?
no no
sorry

shopping. yeah thats it
i need to go shopping

got some new shoes
wanna see?

saw?

the heels are a good six inches and me being the height whore that i am...i could not refuse

*insert maniacal laughter*

6'4" here i come
for real yall im a 6' tall amazon trapped in this 5'10" body and it's fuckin killin me
2 blasted inches

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

oooh chile lemme find someone sexy who still towers over me(okay maybe not towers.literary license yall)when i got them shits on
*drools*

i need to figure out what to rock with them
im not sure if they pass muster enough to be my bornday shoes yet
offer outfit suggestions
especially yall fashion savvy broads and bros

got a few bootleg pieces of jewelry too

that will be all

countdown to the most important day of the year commencing now
(july 23 for yall who don't know)

pregnant pause

2009-07-13T22:41:00.008-04:00

pregnant
with pauses
ankles swollen under the weight of unsung melody and yet-to-be born metaphor,
she's tired
stretchmarked to make room for sweet simile and alliteration
itll be over soon

(cant wait to get over this writer's block. need to induce labor stat)
______________________________________________________________________

Why the fuck is everyone poppin out kids?
why??!?!?!?!?
dammit
messin up the whole flow
shiiiiid
ur wide ass cant go nowhere
more like wont
lazy bastard
so what ur back hurts?
get over it
ur ankles swollen?
boo hoo bitch
walk it off

why u want a lil parasitic alien baby anyway?
they fuckin feed off u n shit
punchin u i the intestines n shit
stay still bastard
damn parasites
dont like what im sayin?
tough

*secretly longs for a bus load of smartass kids*
yall know Dej loves the chillrins
__________________________________________________

i was at work the other day and we were doing petition signing to get this dude on the ballot so he can run for city council
went to speak to one of the folks on my walk sheet
lemme tell you right now
i love old folk
i do
well mosta them
n i know somea them like to talk but lord
this old bag kept me at the door forever
i shoulda known shit was up while i was climbing her front steps
the younger girl that was coming down looked like she just got let from a prison camp, she looked so relieved to be headed in the opposite direction
Now i go up the stairs
do my shtick
ask the ancient relic if she'll sign the petition
simple right?
hell no
she went on and on
she jumped subjects so many damn times i got motion sick
Adam and Eve
teen pregnancy
breast implants
block parties
wtf
i needed someone to stop the flow of crap coming from the senile ole bag but she just kept going
and going
and
fuck it
i contemplated which one of three different Power Ranger moves i could use to send her hurtling down the stairs
but alas
im not writing this from my jail cell
i let her live
barely
im proud of myself

ps: if yall come across a weathered old hag named Marion
make haste in the opposite direction

dont ever say i aint did shit for u

we will be returning to regularly scheduled programming after a word from our sponsors

2009-07-08T00:41:00.006-04:00

It's been too long
i missed yall
no
for real
i did
all 2 of u that are still reading this here piece of crap

Nothing's really been happening over here
i went out a few times

its just me n the pops now cuz my brothers are staying with my moms
Its fucking lonely man
them bastards got on my nerves but still.
I have noone to attention seek with
to curse out
to slap upside the head and run from

and i gots to pay rent now
can u believe this bullshit
wtf
shiiiiiiiiiiiiid
how u gon do that to blood pops
we aint cool no more
i mean
he promised me he'd cover me on the rent til i atleast turned 50 or got married whichever came first
so yeah...
50 it was
niggas always reneging on shit

my bday is coming up
the 23 of july
the most important day of the calendar
yes
i did say the most important
mark it
send gifts
better yet
funds
yeah funds
yall bastards are just gonna end up getting me some shit i aint want anyway

i still dont know what i wanna do
meh
itll probly b a bootleg girl's night out or something
shrugs
its summer n i need to get the hell out the house
WHAT YALL BEEN UP TO IN MY ABSENCE?
LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT SO I CAN GET BACK TO U N CHECK UR CRAP
ITS BEEN A MINUTE

unfinished business

2009-05-16T21:03:00.007-04:00

shit im workin on at the moment
lines from unfinished poems and such

it wasnt just that freshman fifteen
see what they called pregnancy, she called a parasitic infection

it might just be that my selective memory wont allow me to call forth the bad times but
i miss you

he said it like he loved me and i listened like i believed him

my mother never loved me and this she made quite clear
straight up said, "Bitch. i never wanted you"
and well
i guess her honesty was refreshing
no need for second quessing
can't miss what you never had, right?

if i wanted you back,
i wouldv'e told you i wanted you back
but since the words didnt come out my mouth
boy u better figure it out

destructive
thats just the way our love was
it took me 5 years to quit you
spent approximately 3 of those 5 years crying every other day
had a bald spot for each one of those years that had me stressing
see apparently my body had sense enough to reject you even if my mind didn't

"i could love you if you let me"
simple words he whispered right before he left me and it fuckin hurt
like truth often does
see he went the way of double dutch and training bras

see
im fly
and tho it has absolutely nothing to do with the span of my thighs
i wont lie.
them shits have a power all their own
have fell men 200 plus pounds grown

blah blah blah
wats new folk?
no really
i wanna know

2009-04-24T00:24:00.010-04:00

so...
wats new?
nothing much goin on over here

school
sigh
i hate friggin papers
loathe them

work
grimace
need to win the damn lottery

i did take the damn weave out tho
a bootleg trim and crap
camera whoring to follow

i swear
it's like the fro is a fucking homing beacon to all the dudes looking for a damn black girl fantasy
2 russians
an italian and a jew
smh

How far do u expect to get when u start out with "I've been looking for a nice black girl"
wtf
go hit up a damn 2 dollar ho and step out my way

camera whoring commencing in
5
4
3
2
1

done
yall know yall love the side eye

its grown quite a bit since the days of old

still about 2 years til the big ass afro tho

ima b a beast

and just cuz me and mos def had a very good time last night (in my dreams but it still counts dammit)

The Panties - Mos Def

Fuck a Swordsmith, Wordsmith is Where It's At

2009-04-13T11:21:00.008-04:00

Well actually...
id rather fuck a wordsmith

Words can be sexy as fuck
i fall in love with spoken word artists every 5 seconds
ok days
same difference
alliteration
metaphor
imagery
i get hot n shit
wanna start doin some stuff

Went to the Soundbites poetry festival
had a great time
Some really great pieces were performed
Issues ranging from child molestation to "accidentally" getting ur foot stuck on some bad little kid's neck

some sick wordplay

im not on Slam level but i wanna be
my damn brain however is actin a constipated ass
we're gonna come to a truce one of these days

I haven't been reading as much as i planned to do at the beginning of the year

Recommend a book
im gonna make a visit to Strands in 2 weeks
head to Barnes n Nobles

immerse myself

Open Mic
10pm
this Saturday
Nuyorican
come along
u know u want to

REALLY THO

2009-03-25T13:55:00.003-04:00

my 7th grade math teacher just friend requested me on facebook
wth is this world coming to?!!
should i add him?

u can decide his fate

lol

overheard in the nyc

2009-03-09T23:32:00.006-04:00

"....Aint no fun in that shit
that shit don't get wet
that's a dry ass spot"

catching the tail end of a sidewalk conversation
uh
interesting

maybe i should mind my damn business

so yeah...no shanks.lol

2009-02-25T11:43:00.002-05:00

Twas all good
a coupla fresh ones
(side eye)
a bootleg class clown or two
(this aint about u playa.this is my damn show)
but all in all
twas great
We watched some def poetry jam clips and wrote some bootleg haikus
i was too hype
lol

we're gonna meet up again this Thursday to get started on the poems they're gonna perform for the open mic and the slam
i already fake bonded with this one chick
awwww
i have maternal instincts yall
lmao
i gotta actually recite a real poem infront of the lil bastards next week tho
here's to hopin they aint chucking anything in the vicinity of my head

There were a few bootleg rappers too
hmmm
we'll see how that goes

one down, 15 million more to go

2009-02-24T12:59:00.002-05:00

Im supposed to be doing some bootleg volunteering with some highschool kids n this poetry thing tonight
yay me for actually getting this crap started
yall know i procrastinate like a mother
Ill let yall know if them kids embarass the shit outta me

heres hoping i dont get shanked

ill update tonight or tommorow

no need for an A.P.B.

2009-02-22T21:35:00.003-05:00

I'm still alive
sorta
bored as all hell
still got a lot of crap that needs improving
im workin on that
hmmmmm
wats new?

catch me up

just write watever u want in my comments section
entertain me
i will try to return the favor tomorrow

yes
i know
this is that bullshit

if i come up with anything witty,
i'll post it

wait. what?

2009-01-29T02:20:00.002-05:00

this is laticia nigel's wife, do not give him any delivery work
Reply to: sale-1011700697@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-28, 5:54PM EST

he uses the money for crack, he may also steal from you, his numbers: 609 742 3878, 347-416-0172 and 718 753 9256 we've moved to Trenton NJ recently

craigslist is amusing

Happy Nappiversary to me

2009-01-22T02:52:00.009-05:00

So i thought i had posted this crap but apparently i cant even do that right
watev
NEXT

around this time 3 years ago i decided i was gon be a nappy head
January was the month i mentally transitioned
I had been goin thru some hair blogs for a coupla weeks
From January to May i decided to let nature take its course
got fed up with the straight ends
got conditioner
cut the crap out
aint looked back since
ok
the second after i cut the shit off i thought; "what the fuck did u just do?"
got over that quick enough
other folk however...
suffice it to say they werent very supportive

moms definitely wasnt feelin it
when i asked the ole haitian immigrant wat he thought, he told me to ask my brothers
theyre pretty much over it now
the force of the flyness was too much for them

blah
the naps do get on my nerves sometimes but its all worth it when i'm havin a great hair day
for the most part i let it do what it wants to

u know im already sayin fuck you to all the folk who have the nerve to ask when ima do my hair
it's already done bitch!!!

that will be all
for now

guess not
lol

i present to u
me in all my pre-bed prep glory
dont hate
still killin it with the side eye and the crazy twists

yall do know im not above leavin the house like that right?
u better ask somebody

psssss
if u look really closely u can see somea my underarm hair
just for yall
no need for thnx

tell me something good

2009-01-19T01:11:00.004-05:00

Just been busy with life
lazy with bloggin

I went to a church revival this weekend that Vanessa invited me to
Saturday and Sunday
the services were really good
music was good
the message was one i really needed to hear
i coulda sworn the sermon was written especially for me
i was blessed

Tell me something good

See u Later Ole Haitian Immigrant

2009-01-01T07:38:00.008-05:00

Happy New Year!!!!!!!
from my folks to u n urs

The pops left for Haiti this morning

insert sad face
ima have to deal with the two bastards that are my brothers for 2 damn months sans the intervening force that is the ole haitian immigrant
I already told him if he comes back and i aint here, dont believe any bullshit that comes out their mouth
he knows to check for my body

Cool Runnings

2008-12-31T00:07:00.004-05:00

You havent heard talk of the gym for a minute cuz my lazy ass aint been goin
hence the pounds i put on
blah
i did go bootleg running along the brooklyn bridge today so i'm makin my comeback
2009
just workin on the self improvement

nyone in the brooklyn area wanna do a fake running partner crap?
im serious
no need to apply if u are fuckin overqualified
i dont need folk makin me look bad
nah im playin
but for real tho
hit a sistah up

sweet transvestites pictionary

2008-12-27T01:43:00.012-05:00

The transvestite phase is over
What will our superheroes do for the sequel?

Rhymes Revisited- One of These Mornings

2008-12-22T23:53:00.004-05:00

One Of These Mornings - Moby

you break it, you bought it
so u can
keep the damn pieces
pictures lay shredded on that nightstand next to the bible grandma gave me on our wedding day
and that wedding ring you had engraved with those words u swore you'd cherish til your passing
broken promises resting amid shards of shattered heart, remnants of vows u swung about violently
slammed into the wall with abandon
black dent where the headboard used to hit the burgundy
u brought her here
u fuckin brought her here
and nothing will remove the bitter taste
it lingers in the air
her presence felt
intrusive
unwanted

it smells different
_____________________________________________________________________

what will you remember when darkness finds me?
When all that remains of me is a lingering shadow
When the woman i used to be is left to be conjured up in memories that seem to fade as days pass
and my face can no longer be recalled with any sense of clarity
what will you reach for?
What will you pull thru time to remind you of me and the moments we shared
will my name on the day of my passing bring tears to your eyes
or will it like so many anniversaries that go by,
be rendered
insignificant?
_____________________________________________________________________

If only for one night
can i guide you inside of me
have you travel the depths of my body
explore my heart
my mind
and take a tour of my soul
i don't need guarantees
but pray that when the journey's over
i can let you go
and somehow
walk away

whole

You know what i fuckin love?

2008-12-18T23:55:00.005-05:00

these shits right here
aren't they the best?
whoever invented pop up books....i love u man

i saw this guy reading them to his kids on the train
whoo chile
sexy as fuck
full lips and shit
sighs

anyway where was i?
uh yeah
the first thing i noticed was the popup book
It wasnt onea those fake ones either
the bullshit ones that dont hard hardly pop out nothing
nah
this one was some gigantic piece of crap
like if lookin at a book could give u an orgasm, ida came multiple times in a matter of seconds
like
if ...
ill stop now
lol

nyway my eyes followed from the big ass cornucopia of popup goodness to the strong brown hand that was holding the book open and trailed a ways up to some chocolaty goodness and i kinda said fuck the damn book
looked around to see if anyone saw what the hell i saw cuz he was fiiiiiiine
and if im sayin it
folk know its true
shit
i dont give compliments easy
ull have better luck hopin ima volunteer to let u pull out my damn teeth with pliers

so of course my mind goes wandering cuz when ur sex starved anything will call up a friggin porno scene
so anyone know of any pornos involving filfs and pop up books?
no?
i guess ima have to come up with something

Christmas is nary a day away
hint hint

next
Some teacher got fired for tellin her class Santa aint real
are u fuckin serious?
who's dumb lil child aint know Santa is some cooked up bullshit?
a mess

(this lil boy aint fooled for shit.i like him)
these were friggin 7 year olds
we got 7 year olds having sex nowadays
fuck that anyway
that's beside the point
How u gon fire a bitch for tellin the damn truth ?!?!?!?!?

im too done

I was always the lil kid talkin back to grown folk askin them questions
annoying as all hell
i want a kid just like me
Them gullible ones kill me

I ruin everything with logic
always reading too much into cartoons and shit
getting mad at characters

Yall remember Goonies right?
right
u better

I wanted to talk about something random. The ending to Goonies has always bothered me. I mean, I know all that was important to them was that they didn't have to move away, so the jewels in the marble bag was apparently enough to cover all that. I mean, they look like shit you can buy at Claire's Boutique, but whatever, we have to assume they're real. Anyway, before even assessing exactly how much they're worth, they're tearing up the contract as if we know for a fact that it will cover ALL the property. ALL OF IT - where each and every one of those families live. And then there are the other issues of practicality. They're supposed to move in like a day, but hardly anything is packed up. And if they're moving in a day, don't they have plans already to live somewhere else? Have not every single one of those families signed leases or mortgages for new homes? Can they even just get out of that so easily? They've probably got new jobs all lined up, signed up for new schools. I mean, can you just cancel all of that because of a marble bag full of rubies and emeralds?

But what ALWAYS bothered me, even when I was little and seeing the movie for the first time, was how they just watch that pirate ship drift off. No one is sailing it, it's just a whole lot of skeletons and gold. Great, they get to stay in the boondocks, or whatever it's called and however it's spelled, but don't they want to live in style? I mean, we already know that Mikey and Bran's family need a new screen door. "Oh, we have our piece of shit home back. Why go after that SHIP FULL of BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF UP-FOR-GRABS TREASURE!!!??" Come on! They just sit on a rock and admire the damn thing. At least Chunk needs that cash. They're bringing in Sloth - where's he going to sleep, how can they afford to feed him? I'd be running into that water and swimming until my arms fell off. Go get the coast guard or SOMETHING! It's dangerous for one - that ship can crash into a dock or something and kill people. But let me stress again - it's ALL THAT MONEY!!! They searched forever for that damn treasure. They almost died like 500 times. Shouldn't they be going after it? UGH, it made me so mad.

HAS THIS BOTHERED N E ONE ELSE???????

A buddy of mine wrote that

thats exactly what i do
i analyze shit and get mad but
watev
Im still a fuckin Goonie til i die
ya dig?

oh i want this shirt too

blah blah blah

2008-12-10T20:34:00.004-05:00

ugh
so i thought i was hot stuff the last post
now im feelin like some dowdy piece of shit
well not really
i aint that far gone but
it's really frustrating when dude you're feelin is so fuckin oblivious to signals u be tryna throw
i mean it could be that i dont do subtle too well
but dammit
yeah yeah
some of yall are thinkin "why not just tell dude how u feel?"
well im deathly afraid of rejection man
sigh
Even with that i might give it a go if i felt that he might feel the same way
shit is this niccah is too damn friendly
i cant fuckin tell if the rapport we share is some unique shit or something he's got goin with everybody and their resurrected grandmama
and blah blah blah
ill wait for some definitive proof
or some circumstantial evidence
shiiiiiiiid
all im sayin is this unrequited love
well more like lust
actually i guess lustful like is more appropriate
watev
alls im sayin is this shit is for the birds
(aside:Where the hell did that saying come from?)

and in other news
i still must be sending out signals for all the cracked out crazies to come find me wherever the hell i may be
especially if they wanna wander the damn subway system
and im fuckin trapped in a subway car
and theyre professing their damn love all loud and shit
and im ignoring his crazy ass
but he's planning our friggin wedding day
and pickin out names for our future kids
and folk are staring
and i wanna bust a bitch upside his head but i wont even attempt anything because crazy people tend to be strong
and im not stupid

are you serious?
are you really serious?
Try that shit on some bitch with low self-esteem
For real tho
for yall fellas who got sense
and happen to have friends who come at chicks like they have none
let them know the way it should be done

for their safety

comin at folk like they walkin the damn strip or shit
unless im wandering the streets in black booty shorts
red fishnets
hooker boots
AND happen to come over to ur car and lean in the passenger side window talkin bout:
"Wanna have some fun baby?"
followed by
"How much you got?"
dont even think about it

so......

2008-12-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

If i turn myself on does that make me a narcissist or a lesbian?
lol
i know ur like "i came for this shit?"
im just feelin myself today
sorry no pics
my camera is on strike
use ur imagination

ok

a real post will be up tomorrow
i got some catching up to do

*goes back to admiring myself*

Rowan

2008-11-25T20:22:00.000-05:00

They sometimes say i feel too much
i didnt even know her but when i heard her story i cried
no metaphors or similes to explain the pain
the near blind rage that tore thru me at the words on the screen
no display of sadness enough to encompass the extent of my grief
tho
i didnt know her
i couldnt even sleep and every time i closed my eyes i heard her shrieks
had to open them not to listen
seeing the tears glisten as they rolled down her cheek
acts considered unspeakable but into them life i breathe
bruised ribs from chest compressions evidence of desperate measures ordering death to take its leave
it didnt
It came slow ...and vicious
I looked to heaven and screamed
see sometimes i question its existence but on those days
i just couldn't
cuz then that would mean that this was all she had and the poor child had it tough... life
shit
it beat her up and left her in a fuckin ditch
To wit i guess you could say life really was a sadistic bitch getting kicks off her misery
They found her
eight year old body
bruised
bloody
violated
headband and socks
that's all she had on
headband and socks
I'm afraid to go to sleep

yeah. and? part1

2008-11-20T05:59:00.003-05:00

yes i know
i dont do romantic shit
no seriously
it makes me uncomfortable
i grimace
i cringe
i back away slowly towards the door
i snicker at overt displays of corniness and have been known to laugh at wedding vows
live with it

Bitch, I Dont Know Your Life!!!!!!!

2008-11-18T00:49:00.016-05:00

So i head to facebook
and suddenly realize that for some folk, highschool never ended

PROACTIVE WORKED FOR ME.....TRY SOME....lmao

then three minutes later, cuz u know her ass was like
"oooh hold on
i got something else",

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO COULD HOOK THAT GIRL IN BLACK WITH A NOSE JOB......lololOLOLOLOL

side eye
heifer please
as soon as i read that i was thinking
If you gon come out ur face and say dumb shit like that, ur ass better be on some top model status
best have the dudes fallin over you like they thought you were Halle Berry
and of course

she wasnt

"Do you think you are authorized to make such comments considering your relationship with these ladies? If you don't know Diana and your relationship with Vanessa isn't very advanced, I don't think it's smart to be making comments like that."
that was from Andrani

I told u the heifer was too damn nice
who the hell says that?!?!?!?!?!??!
sigh
i gotta toughen her up

"Hell yeah! Shut your ass up! You don't know them!!! You are ugly as hell too! You look like a dark version of Donald Duck!!!...So when u stop looking like a duck!!!...THEN talk!!! Diana AND Vanessa are both 2 beautiful ladies! Fake ass mobile phone picture!...You have a bell pepper joe jackson nose so shut up!!!!"
lollll
from Javan, Me and Andrani's fake adopted son

aaah
he's quite amusing

and this from Vanessa:
"Yeah that Proactiv will clear my face up
but who's gonna pay for your reconstructive surgery."

and on that note
no surgeon's knife is gon fuck with the Jean family nose

bitch please

this is a family legacy right here

and the pièce de résistance

ur getting hot and bothered aren't you?
The sight of my nostrils makes u wanna do some stuff don't it?

yes i just did a post on my damn nose
dont get mad
u can do one too

oh and Berlinda hon *snickers*
insecurity is not a good look for u
how bout u try on some 'shut the fuck up' instead

Random Tandem Lines

2008-11-14T09:59:00.006-05:00

reverse evolution
tryna bring the past back on counterclockwise revolutions, they say that love brings absolution
so I guess there's no solution to the plight that plagues her the
ills that face her cuz it was a night of stolen innocence and hate that made her
and since she can recall her mother has despised her,
evidence of past crimes so she tried to deny her
therefore
Admittance
into her heart was forbidden, No entrance but on a good day a smile as pittance

__________________________________________________

when i was young couldnt quite understand how people played different roles
asked why my man from star trek was reading from the rainbow

__________________________________________________________

I sat there tryna string words together,
to no avail.
Them pearls of wisdom
kept falling from my hands
clumsy fingers tryna cling to them and make sense of the unthinkable

__________________________________________________________

its like this
inferiority complex
like staring at east village condos from roach infested projects. He couldnt find hope so his spirit never
fine tuned it
victim of the system never had noone to miss him
miscellaneous.
never knew his roots so how could he
ever lose it?
it being his past. he says it
be in the past so he swallows them memories back tryna stop the heart attack but an aspirin just wont cut it

______________________________________________________

it was

sweet
reckoning
her soul beckoning to him across the room
can you feel me ?
it said
and just like that he turned his head
as if his spirit could sense her
as if .....
with one glance he could tempt her

that he did

__________________________________________________________

thought he was the shit til they came and defecated on him

_______________________________________________________________

like
every day i can imagine
spending one more eternity
multiplied eternally
in your embrace"
"like every moment past is one less moment we have to share
so i wanna make them last"
as he proceeds to
kiss
my
face

_____________________________________________________

used to soften the blow of a fist to the chest
thud not loud enough to mask the sound of her
spirit breaking

cuz love is just a word sometimes

_________________________________________________________

see he
knew i was having trouble being we
cuz all i ever knew was
being
me

_________________________________________________

see the
only things i pimp are the lines that i pen
like posthumous musings of greats come back to write again
and like headless horsemen come back to ride again

________________________________________________________

elliciting out of body experiences
where you take me on flights of fancy
make me want to paint an image with words of how
i would love for your very essence
to run through me like the Nile
love forging on its banks like civilizations
how if only i could delve into you like the depths of an ocean under dark skies
scour the shelves of your mind

seeking to find all things that will bind us in space
and
time

_________________________________________________________

black was the hand i was dealt
race aint a card that i play
no
cuz that extra melanin i possess aint no joke
when it got folk dragged behind the beds of pickup trucks
and i aint on no 'that was thirty years ago' shit
cuz somehow people still find it funny to
use our struggles as slapstick
when you still gotta worry bout being bashed with a nightsick
and for sure betta put them hands up quick but not too quick, 'fore that trigger click

_____________________________________________________________

No hiding he says
eyes piercing my soul
and two shallow breaths later
two rising and falls of my chest
no secrets
i know i said the words
my mouth moving to form them
but
the rush of blood to my ears prevented me from hearing them
so i smiled that shaky smile i do when i'm nervous
and prayed that i could let go

___________________________________________________________

memories of
steel-tipped boots
grounding your face into the dirt
as the cries of the inhumane plague your sanity
grains of rock dig into
sun-kissed flesh
son
kissed
flesh
marring the beauty that God did create
threat of death looming low overhead like a noose
ring of rope
destroyer of hope
or so they think
reaching for you like a lasso
determined to snare souls
round them up like cattle
their own special branding
bodies dragged behind beds of pick-up trucks
badges and ink-black sky offer all the cover needed
disfigured, marred beauty
head, neck
found miles from mangled torso
can't quite make out how handsome he used to be
my boy James

_________________________________________________________

never was the type to inspire poetry
seems wat they found in other girls could never see in she
treasure hidden
like sunken ships under stormy seas
expedition deemed hazardous
so no need for retrieval team

____________________________________________________________

u helped me to see
that from within
u saw that glow
like neon lights emitting
glow of light through fog
while sitting
u came and rested ur body next to me
that park bench where u tested me
and i tested you
like fall and SAT's i questioned you

________________________________________________________

Days passed
four sunsets
she sits in his room rocking back and forth
gathers all the pictures from his shelf
as the screams continue in her heart
Her only son
life cut short
was told, nothing we can do for him now
so as she sits on his bed
surrounded by his clothes
remembering the day everything lost color
only black present
a searing pain that only a mother could know

_________________________________________________________________

they made a nigger out of you
and you watched as they made a bitch out of her
sad thing is you let them though
then took up the anthem as your own

________________________________________________________________

If only for one night
can i guide you inside of me
have you travel the depths of my body
explore my heart
my mind
and take a tour of my soul
i don't need guarantees
but pray that when the journey's over
i can let you go
and somehow
walk away

whole

___________________________________________________

look past the lies my mouth tells
search my eyes for that place where
truth
dwells
________________________________________________________

i figure ima be kovorkian
hand them death cooled over quick

___________________________________________________________

gunshot blasts so common
drugs and alcohol be the remedies to calmem

________________________________________________________

summertime and the living is easy
no
let me spit the truth
summertime and the living is hard
sure the fish are jumping but the cotton is high so im in the fields back bent to breaking
body for the taking but they sure won't get my soul
Some say they can't understand my faith and how in these circumstances i manage to seem like im whole
i say cuz i
know my chariot's coming forth to carry me home

_______________________________________________________

she said
she loved him
and her name was Lyric
he said
i aint want no conversation
but she thought they were makin love cuz the moves,
they mimicked
and she swore he could touch her soul and like waters wade in it
irony
cuz she was sleepin with dogs so she got ensnared like a
runaway slave caught

__________________________________________________________

love is in the air
i aint tryna catch nothing
__________________________________________________________

competition can't see me like that 'blue magic'
100 percent pure got them foamin at the mouth like a crack addict waiting outside Betty Ford tryna beat that drug habit
flooding the streets like the second coming of God
episode two switched it up so it's...
Diana's Ark and guess i'd be remiss if i aint warnem before i scornem

THROWBACKIN IT-HOW U FEEL

2008-11-13T05:39:00.000-05:00

What song describes how ur feelin right now?

I Reminisce

2008-11-12T03:29:00.009-05:00

i was born gangsta

bootleg post time
when i'm too lazy to really write shit, i just repost crap that i didnt get many comments on in the first place
(the following is a damn link. click it bastards)--->Memory Lane
so
u best comment on that shit too

u better leave a damn comment
i know where u live
puahahahahahahahahahahahaha
*stops for some chocolate*
puahahahahhahaha
im done

pictionary:why gremlins dont dance

2008-11-10T00:52:00.043-05:00

i don't know whose mama this is
but if she belongs to you
explain to her that wasnt nobody tryna take a picture of her
thank you

the face she made when some gremlin lookin motherfucker begged her to dance
she said yes of course
lmao
too damn nice i tell you
i woulda posted a picture of dude but the bastard erased the photo evidence

this here looks strangely like some synchronized shit

don't know why this heiffer is playin shy

he was cute
stocky too
but short
the camera wanted to act a bitch so the pic came out blurry
every damn time i tried to take a pic where u could see his damn face

maybe he was a ghost or something

waiting

haha
they said im always dressed like somebody's teacher
well shit atleast acknowledge that im a fly ass one

she's 6 feet tall by the way
the bastard
its no damn fair
im supposed to be the tallest

"Yeah spot a man of freedom for a fact aah-aah uh-hum
Poison you ready Ron I'm ready
You ready Dave I'm ready Slick are you
Oh yeah break it down"
*stops walking towards the bathroom*
i of course proceeded to break it down
it was about five throwback jams later when i remembered that my bladder was near to exploding

I might have a lil too much fun dancing by myself
whee
whee
whee
*stops dancing and looks around*
where is everybody?

random thoughts of the night:

you dont need to be grinding on me to the point where i can tell if ur circumsized or not
ok?

you need to not be tryna talk to me if you got kids my age

whoa there playa
u coulda atleast asked for my name before u start talking bout me heading over to ur place

if you dont think ur fly
nobody else will
but it jus seems that the ugliest dudes got the highest self esteem
just sayin

Are you really tryna hold a conversation by screaming over the music?
a lil common sense please

I see you
You see me
You like what you see
I like what i see
So why u just starin over here
*5 minutes later*
took ur ass long enough to ask a sistah to dance

Somebody needs to come get their momma off the dancefloor
and bring her shoes while u at it
she seems to have lost the ones she came with

Why is she still dancing with that gremlin lookin lil fella?
ok
i gotta go save her ass again

Can you please go perform ur simulated sex acts somewhere else please
like the bathroom
i need to rest my damn feet and u just taking up space for no damn reason

Does she look like the damn president of the Make A Wish Foundation?
why should she give a damn that it's ur slow cousin's birthday?
She said she's not tryna dance with him

Changes

2008-11-05T11:15:00.013-05:00

Guess we were ready to see a black president huh?
sigh
history was made and i was a part of it

im kinda mad i was in and out of the polling place in five minutes
i wanted to tell the grandkids how i waited in line for hours to vote for Obama

Don't worry
i can always put some on it.
talkin bout i had to trek up a mountain in snow and sleet with no shoes on.lol

(to the thousands that came before me: THANK YOU)
We've come so far but we've got a long way to go

Just a lil closer to overcoming

vampires egyptians and witches oh my and a ghoul too?

2008-11-03T23:06:00.016-05:00

shrieking like a banshee cuz i aint got no damn sense

for the record
my mouth didnt stay open like that the whole damn time.lol
it was kinda necessary tho
otherwise i just came off as some slutty amazon warrior or something

i really need for folk to understand that Halloween is not an excuse to say any ole shit that pops into ur head just cuz ur dressed like someone else

nor is it an excuse to just up and touch folk u dont know
especially if that person is me
let's just say

it doesnt bode well

There was this white dude dressed in some bootleg costume with a blowup doll giving him a blowjob
suffice it to say he was looking at me a lil too eagerly and had the nerve to look down at it then look at me talkin bout he doesn't mind getting bitten

How bout no
right after i laughed in his face

speaking of blowjobs
on my way back home, some gay chick on the trainplatform was calling some other female all kinds of bitch talkin bout yes she's gay and so what and how she heard the dumb hoe and how she needs to suck her nonexistant dick and shit like that
twas quite amusing
Then she got into a spat with her girlfriend talkin bout "don't touch me"
then i guess they made up by the time the train hit the platform
but i guess they didnt make up enough for this big butch chick to stop lookin my damn way just before she asked some dude on the train to also suck her imaginery dick cuz apparently he kept looking at her too

smh

really?
u gon turn ur ass all the way around in ur seat to stare huh
can a chick get a bit of privacy when she's removing her pants?
damn
lol

so it wasnt as cold outside as i thought it would be
so yeah
i see no problem with removing my sweats on the damn train
i mean
it aint like i aint had no shorts underneath
lmao
he still shoulda atleast pretended like he couldnt see shit
ole nosy bastard
can someone please tell him to stop smiling over here like i'm putting on a damn show for his entertainment
thank you

U best go vote tomorrow before i bite you
or if u like that shit
i'll bite you if u go out and vote
u'll like it i promise

just something to think about

im dead serious too
even the homeless crackheads know what's up
now how sad would it be to say u got passed over for a homeless crackhead
not a good look right?
dont make me do it

cuz im bleedin

2008-10-31T00:38:00.002-04:00

im bleeding and bloated and tired and my back hurts and my tits hurt and im contemplating getting pregnant so i can avoid this shit for 9 more months
think it's a good idea?

my pops is being extra nice tho
thats one good thing about this menstruating shit
i complain bout cramps and i aint gotta no nuthin

he made me tea and brought food home for me

but he still aint did no damn cheerleading with me tho
so
he's a bastard right now

think i can get him to do that?
probly would if i told him i'd start paying rent.ha
nah
not happening
ima play this no rent shit til the wheels fall off

ill be getting back to regularly scheduled programming soon
and actually getting around to reading ur crap
gimme a few

You wanna repeat that?

2008-10-22T01:23:00.008-04:00

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
I wish some dumb fuck would do that shit to me
are you lookin to get killed today
after i done spent 9 months carrying the lil parasitic bastard

after them 28 hours in labor?

graphic pic ahead

(i kept it classic with the black and white photo for yall)

He had the damn nerve to consider naming the baby girl John McCain

he'd sure as hell be happy he was already in the hospital when i got thru with him
no
really
what the fuck was he smokin?
shiiiiiit
Obama's my imaginery baby daddy but ill be damned if some dumb fuck's gon name my baby girl after him

ladies: What would you do if you were his wife?
fellas: What would you do if your wife named your new baby boy Hillary Clinton talkin bout she wanted to show support for the Clinton campaign?

sigh

2008-10-21T12:15:00.003-04:00

my computer crashed and me being the genius that i am, i didnt backup anything
i lost all my shit
my music
my writing
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
my bootleeg poetry
my fake short story
my music
my pictures
i said my music twice didnt i?
well im distraught
im entitled

i blame Sarah Palin
yes
i can do that

i quit my friggin job
yes i did
if there's one thing i cant stand, it's folk messing with my money
im sorry
i kinda expect for my paycheck to be ready when it's payday
i couldnt do it

now everytime i call concerning my last check, she's always in a meeting
Bitch please
When i was working there, ur ass was never that busy

so the hunt is on for a new gig

Halloween is fast approaching
what to be?
what to be?

ANY of yall get dressed up for Halloween?

Cold Case Jukebox

2008-10-17T23:59:00.003-04:00

u best have been singing along

Remember when Donna Summers was on Family Matters?

pictionary

2008-10-12T19:41:00.015-04:00

lookie who i found? Eb and MizRep

Capcity

so.....

2008-10-11T00:36:00.001-04:00

On Saturday, Oct. 11th from 6pm-9pm

What: Several Authors of Bloggers' Delight, vol. 1: Love & Redemption will host the FINAL celebratory reading & signing of their premiere national tour. There will be food, drinks & several surprises.

Where: Rio II Gallery at 135th street & Riverside Drive
(the upper level of Riverside - not down near Fairway).
583 Riverside Drive, 7th Floor; New York, NY 10031

How (Cost): Simply come, purchase a book &/or give a free-will offering.
A percentage of all proceeds will go to support
the Broadway Housing Community (which hosts the gallery).

Who's coming?

under construction

2008-10-08T08:31:00.005-04:00

im working on updating the playlist right now

what's new folk?
im bored out my damn skull
tell me something interesting
amuse me

while ur at it
recommend a few songs
especially obscure shit

ill try t have some real crap up
im way behind
i owe yall a few things don't i?
like some unanswered questions
meh
yall will survive

ok I'M FINALLY DONE
Which songs do u like?
Which ones do you think are crap?

hold up
this pill poppin bitch is not talkin bout my man

Cindy
sit ur ass down before i have to hurt you
Somebody tell this dumb heifa ill do it
i aint playin

see u soon

2008-10-07T15:57:00.005-04:00

Hey folk
im away right now
(maybe i'm having steamy sex with Will Smith
maybe i'm not)
please leave a messsage after the beep and i'll get back to you as soon as possible
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

ps: haha at yall comments
thnx for the laughs
i neededem

oh and my dad is registering to vote today
yay for the ole bag

dumb and dumber

2008-10-01T03:10:00.006-04:00

this melanin challenged chick was all twisting and gyrating and touching herself on the dance floor
and lemme tell you
it was not fuckin cute
whoa
how can folk not know?
dont u got friends to tell u when ur lookin a damn mess?
its this typa shit that got tone-deaf folk thinking they can be the next pop star

probably the same demon that got Palin thinkin she's "ready" to be vp

...........................................................................

went to a bootleg bday bash crap with a friend
asked her to upload somea the pics we took
go on face.book dont see them
she tells me she uploaded them to my.space
i go there and see she has 12 new pics up

go thru all 12 of the new pics she posted and not one included me
ALL of them were pics of JUST her

bitch
why i want pictures of u for?

fiona
do better

so i will have them up when i make this heifa realize i am not in love with her and therefore not content with staring at pics of her all day
......................................................................

listen bastard
since when some rice was the remedy to remove a damn fish bone stuck in your neck?
my brother's gon come in my room talkin bout can i go make him some rice
fuckoutta here
what for?
u still breathing
go make your own damn rice
..........................................................................

oh
so thats how it is?
privatized profit and nationalized debt huh
did any of these bitch ass companies help yall out when they were handing out multimillion dollar checks to their ceo's while the house was burning?
no?
i aint think so
so lets see
they wanna take 700 billion of our money to shore up companies so that they can then lend us back our OWN money with interest
fuckouttahere

...........................................................................

im having a "watch how much dumber Palin can sound" party at my house on Thursday
yall comin?
........................................................................

never been in love
never been in a serious relationship
never had my heart broken
but i will give relationship advice
why?
because a bitch has common sense

unless her name is Sarah Palin
whatd i do?
she said it first
well sorta
lol

For real tho

2008-09-30T02:24:00.001-04:00

you think maybe she has a learning disability?

*country first my ass*

discombobulated

2008-09-22T02:19:00.011-04:00

bypassing the nearest trainstation and walkin 40+ blocks to the next one to
catch that train home makes perfect sense to me
walking and people watching are two of my favorite pasttimes

carville is one sexy motherfucker
if u dont get it, then u dont get it
get out my business.lol

dont front
u know he's fly
and that voice
wooo
u can just tell he'd be a freak

im still blog single cuz couldnt one motherfucker follow friggin directions
and i cant stand a dumb bitch
so there goes that
yeah i'm talkin bout you

if you're not sure of the meaning of a word, dont use it until u get sure

using a word with seven syllables incorrectly will invariably make you look dumber than using a two syllable word correctly
heed this advice folk

someone needs to cut this rebecca chick
cuz somehow she thought it would be cute to spam my spot
(i absolve myself of any responsibility should some ill actually befall the friggin idiot)

i roll my eyes all the damn time without realizing it
it's not my fault
blame it on all the dumb people i've come into contact with
they did this to me i tell you

political commentary liberally sprinkled with profanity?
sexy as hell
if u aint know, now u do

white porn
melanin challenged folk porn
watever
does not appeal to me one bit
ive tried
i really have

I work with this guy

Jim.my Des.tri of Blondie fame
he's a counselor at the treatment center and he's got a good sense of humor that one
he has forgiven me for not knowing who he was

Can someone please tell my pops that havin a girfriend who's younger than your daughter is not a good look
no really
the ole bag needs to get settled down
Hugh Heffner he is not

i saw this lady on the train today
bleaching ur skin to the point were your face is 15 shades lighter than your hands is most definitey not the bizness

getting mad at folk for shit they did to you in a dream sounds logical to me

I woke up the other day and was mad at my brother but wasnt sure why
then it hit me
he ate my cake that i left in the fridge
me:why'd you eat my damn cake?
him:What are you talkin bout?
me:the friggin cake i had in the fridge
him:i didnt eat any cake. i didnt even see a cake in the fridge
me:i coulda...*walks to kitchen,
realizing that this imaginery cake i thought he ate i had conjured up in my dream the night before
comes back into room scowling
me:u should stop bein a damn thief.
u even stealin shit in my dreams
him:shut the fuck up. thats why i ate your damn cake

I am convinced my mother needs psychological help and i'm equally afraid that i might catch whatever it is she's got
apparently my condition is slower acting tho
she was far loonier than me at my age
or so i've heard

There was a bootleg fashion show at this club that me and Fi went to for Michelle's bday
(i'll get to that tomorrow)
fashion being bootleg victorias secret lingerie knockoffs
*insert side eye here*
half them bitches couldnt walk for shit
all but two i felt like running up to them and forcing a sandwich down their throat or something
Me and this other chick had a little tete a tete about that one
then i head to the bathroom and these other chicks are talkin bout how them models need to go on a diet
*insert screeching halt here*

ill be damned
we couldnt have been lookin at the same girls

a day in the life

2008-09-17T14:33:00.004-04:00

him:
You like chicken?
sure looks like it

me:
fuck you

him:
i'd rather you do it

puahahaha
i couldnt even get mad son
i swear all the ole white dudes in manhattan need to stop tryna talk to me

unless of course they got Bill Gates money

edit:for the record
i was not eating no damn chicken

you know who you are.lol

2008-09-13T15:24:00.003-04:00

u must
cuz i sure dont

Raphael Saadiq Feat. D'Angelo - Be Here
Uploaded by yanoshrim

Martin Luther - Daily Bread
Uploaded by keyzz

tis the season
so im in the market for a blog husband/wife
seeing as how folk wanna get married off left and right
i figure the least i can do is get an imaginery relationship goin
so
yeah
If you're interested in the position just answer these four questions
and then list your bootleg qualifications

What would i say to you if you showed up at my door with roses?
What was your first impression of me/this blog and how has it changed?(if at all)
Who was/is your cartoon crush and why?
Are you willing to make me a mixtape? What you puttin on it?

under construction

2008-09-12T08:43:00.003-04:00

Aight folk
i know
i been slackin
you should know better than to believe when i tell yall ima have a post up soon
especially a topic-specific one
come on now
yall know me
im lazy

Got a fake gig as a bootleg receptionist at
a substance abuse and detox facility

tryna decide if im just gonna finish out the psych degree and do the teaching fellows thing or just switch to teaching altogether

I wanna learn to sew
Paj
come teach me
Yall know im fly
ima start thinking im the next versace or something
u gotta buy my shit

i went running last night and ive officially decided im too damn old for that mess
how young is too young to have arthritis?

guess what i found hiding behind the dresser
some ancient relic of times past
this piece of crap right here

sigh
i think i used it a total of 1 week
ima try this mess again
goal:2 weeks
its like goin thru withdrawal
if i can make it past that hump then i can do it for the long haul

I have two years to get most if not all my shit together
Finish school
get my own spot
yada yada yada

Someone else got engaged
i think these bastards are doin this shit on purpose
I'm convinced it's a plot to remind me of just how single i am
I got four years before my deadline of getting knocked up is here
let's see
learn to design/sew crap
run a marathon
finish school
get a real gig
get my own spot
meet the one
get married
pop out a lil bastard

or i could just do the whole artificial insemination thing and let the rest work itself out

SIGH ....FINALLY

2008-09-08T02:23:00.016-04:00

*moment of silence for my fam down in Haiti*
sigh
i cant even say anything on that right now
ill get to it later
________________________________________

finally uploaded the rest of the pics

so it was the best bud's bday on saturday and she wanted to go to this Michael Jackson tribute party crap

*insert side eye here*
(She's the bigest friggin MJ fan in case u couldn't tell)

watev
it's the heifa's day
what could i do?
All of us except for Gritty met up at her house then
we headed out to TGIFriday's to catch a bite
I forgot to take a pic of the food but best be sure i tore that shit up

Then we headed off to the damn trainstation headed towards the city for said Michael Jackson Tribute Party (Of course Barry Gordy mysteriously canceled. Yall know that shit was a ploy to get folk to come)

We met up with Gritty at Columbus Circle and walked our merry asses to the spot
First off i was tight that i had to pay 30 dollars to get in
but again
what the hell was i gon do?
I handed that guap over all the while watching my life savings slip away

Andrani got her book signed by Aphrodite Jones

author of All She Wanted which was later adapted into the film Boys Don't Cry

If u havent seen it, check it out

(i remember watching that in the Rainbow Club for the first time in highschool. Did i tell yall that i was in a GSLBT club? It was entertaining to say the least. Ill recount the stories someday)

NYWAY
Horrible karaoke was to follow
at which point i was contemplating running into oncoming traffic
until this bootleg Jack Black look-alike came to save the day

i Seriously underestimated that white boy
he could blow
had a chick contemplating throwing some undies on stage

Did you know that Floetry wrote Butterflies for Michael Jackson?

There was also a fake Michael Jackson impersonator
Oh man
i wish i'd taken a pic
FOLK
he looked a tore up mess
and this boy had the nerve to not be able to dance
WTF??!?!?!?!?
I DONT GET IT

but the whole time the busted impersonator was performing on stage (replete with 5 minute costume changes that had me rolling my damn eyes and gritting my teeth)
Gritty was putting it down on the dance floor

Yall remember that 30 dollar entrance fee?
tell me why these bastards had the nerve to have food laid out but u had to pay for drinks?
these sonsofbitches
3 dollar bottle of water my ass

We left there some hours later and headed to the fountain where we proceeded to take off our shoes and frolic in the water like the fools we were

All in all it was a fun night
coulda been better
but sometimes the crappiest times definitely can make for the the most entertaining

ps: yall do realize that there was no way in hell i was gon do all this shit then answer all yall questions too right?
RIGHT
ull know bout it when i postem
that will be all

Well, i am a laid back type of guy

2008-09-03T03:51:00.011-04:00

that love to live life to its fullest. I am very passionate, affectionate,understanding, loveable and sexual type of guy. I like going to the movies, dinner, walk on the beach or in the park (depending on the vibe), and romantic weekend getaways made for two. Average built type of guy that is looking for someone to chill with and vibe with . so if u interested in getting to know one another and see where it may lead into. write back and let me know

yall see this bullshit?

cant folk start off with a "hi. how are you doing?" first
seriously
these myspace pimps/casanovas need to stop
i dont know you and you talking bout romantic getaways
fuckouttahere

____________________________________________
Could you be any more patronizing?
yeah u

ur near death ass decided that was the best move huh?
might it have anything to do with them democratic defectors?

so you think cuz she got a pussy, women are gonna fall in lock and step?
u aint slick

u do realize she is not pro-choice right?
"said thanks but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere"?
was that before or after she supported it
it's funny watching the republican pundits tryna make her sound like some energy and foreign policy expert

I would love to see how u gonna come at Obama about experience when u got her as no2
ur ancient ass could fall out any day now
Do you really believe for one second that she'd pass muster?
after you spoke to her once before choosing her
u cant
i think you think that your ass is gon live forever

can u please do me a favor and stop bringin up ur pow status every 5 seconds?
thank u
yeah i get it
u got shot down
u served ur country
i aint mad at that
appreciate it actually
but you do realize that you try to interject your pow status into every damn answer you give
i thought u were "reluctant" to discuss it

u wanna actually try lookin like you're alive half the time?
for me
please?
im serious
with that fake ass smile you got plastered on your face

let's not even get into the fact that you sound like a stroke victim
look like one too

must you say "my friend" all the damn friggin time?

so really?
popularity for a presidential candidate is a negative now?
how does that work?
oh i get it
i mean
u cant get folk to come to your shit even if you paid them
u aint no damn maverick when u done moved further right on all the issues that you claimed u had reached across party lines on
damn
u cant even support legislation u friggin authored

ps:
have you learned the difference between sunni and shia yet?

ima karate chop this old bag in his neck

if i dont post the pics and answers by friday, u can kick me upside the head

yep

2008-08-29T06:35:00.004-04:00

still too lazy to do it

but... but
im sick so that kinda gives me some leeway right?
no?
oh well

fuck you then

i am not a friggin liar

2008-08-27T11:34:00.002-04:00

i coulda sworn i posted the pics and question shit before i went to sleep
of course since blogger wants to be a bitch, that aint happen
and of course since i have no luck it didnt even save the crap

arrrrrrrrrrrr

*turning into she-hulk and throwing a tantrum*

im back
frustrated but no worse for the wear

yall know im too lazy to do all that shit right now
i will attempt to have it up within the next 2 days

bootleg youtube vid post:

this is what i think of p.d.a

2008-08-25T05:17:00.005-04:00

caption the pics

im feelin too lazy to upload all the pics
i will post the rest and explain shit tomorrow
the questions will be answered by wednesday
i promise

oooh chile

2008-08-21T04:46:00.009-04:00

this ass shot is not gratuitous i assure you. tho i am not adverse to that either. ur supposed to notice the buttons
i thought they were cute

yeah yeah
im weaved up again
i was just friggin lazy and the best bud's bday is saturday so....

say hi to Andrani

went into the city for a friggin interview and to turn in some resumes

was walkin along 34 th street and the Tyra Banks show was conducting some bootleg passerby interviews and they asked me if i wanted to participate

sorry.i had places to go folk to go see about a damn job.
yeah i know yall mad
yall coulda checked for me on the telly.lol

I think i did well
i mean come on
im friggin fabulous right?
right
I was my usual personable self
They betta call me back is all im sayin

Saw this fiiiiine lookin man while me and Fi
this chick

were walking the mean nyc streets.
He was lookin all scrumdiddlyumptious and shit
not quite tall, dark, and handsome
he was more of the melanin challenged black folk variety
but ooh chile
he had dreads
and
an ass
*fanning myself*
nona that flat shit
that rent-a-cop had me thinkin some things.
had a sistah wanting to shoop.lol

He is not to be confused with the John McCain lookin motherfucker who was tryna proposition me

nor is he to be confused with the hispanic dude who thought it would be aight for him to come up to a sistah and grab her arm talkin bout "this gon be my wifey right here"

no bitch ass motherfucker
u dont know me
DO NOT TOUCH ME

Lucky for his midget ass he had time to scurry off through the foot traffic before i could tell him about himself

and oh
i just about almost busted my ass just now tryna do some salsa with my heels on
Blame it on the dance instructor at the gym and this song

She tryna have me break my neck

trail mixin it

2008-08-20T03:02:00.002-04:00

My alter-negro is the outspoken, sarcastic, funny, confident side of me
If they could seperate my Stephan and Steve Urkel
I'd revert to some snivelling, quiet, shy, insecure, mass of something
X the snivelling
I don't do that shit
the rest still holds true

dont u hate when u think u cam up with some phrase that apparently already exists?

Public speaking is not really my thing but i will get to dancing like im audition for Flashdance 2

_________________________________________________
I get hot real easily
so while everybody is walking round with their gloves and scarf. I'm good wit my hoodie or t shirt and open jacket.
What folk need to do is stop lookin at me like i'm crazy or worse
I hate when they act like i done lost leave of my senses
You see me walkin with the hoodie
My jacket is tucked into the strap of my bag
My teeth aint shattering
How in the hell u gon ask me if i wanna borrow ur jacket. Do you think i'm so stupid i couldnt figure out
cold + jacket handy = I can dress my fuckin self
or people who tell me to zip up
Why in the hell are you worried?

___________________________________________________

Aliens are among us and one of them goes to my gym

so im in the locker room getting changed to get the hell outta there and this new chick is in there getting ready to start her workout. She's hella toned,no stetchmarks in sight, makeupless but her skin is clear as all hell. The pretty motherfucker had me hating. Then the bitch had the nerve to smile at me and say hey like i know her from somewhere. Take your hey somewhere else!!!I aint tryna be your damn friend.Fuckin Alien drone. Next thing you know she gon wanna be workout partners. Fastforward and we chillin and shit. Im bout to sound real shallow, but i'm not tryna be the proverbial ugly friend. Yall know wat i'm talkin bout.

____________________________________________________
Ima pretty average lookin chick. Nothing that'll make you do a double take or be like " damn son. how'd you land her?" (This is where yall cry out in protest and start thinking: What the hell she talkin bout? chick is fyah.lmao)
If i had to rate myself, I'd say im bout a five. right smack in the middle. You won't go running if you see me coming down the street or nothing but if i was the bootleg love interest in a video you'd be like: "What this chick doing on my screen?" I don't think i'm the shit (but honestly, i'm so cool, i won't discount the possibility)
So when i hear folk commenting on celebrities or other folk talking bout " She looks ugly." or "She justa 'around the way chick' (insert schreeching halt here)
I will never call someone ugly who i know looks a helluva lot betta than me. Some other folk tho, aint got the sense i do. First off you just come across as a hater. Second. What you gon say when someone tells you to look in the damn mirror?
Yeah she coulda chose a betta outfit and she shouldn't have let Shanequalashae do her hair but atleast she don't look like a cross between Gollum and Quasimodo
I'm just sayin...

____________________________________________________
albophobia -The fear of white people
apodyopsis -The act of mentally undressing someone
abderian -given to incessant or idiotic laughter
use one in a sentence
*let's see who's reading*

____________________________________________________
Mesmerized by his eyes
the way they follow me when i walk by
When he tells me that I
am the future that he envisioned
When he sees in me the beauty of long forgotten African queens
When he says i took away the sighs
and exclaims at how the span of my thighs
makes him sigh
in relief
that somehow, he gets to come home to me
His support system when he was going thru that grief
When he states that I, in my offering of comfort and solace
offered him the opportunity
for
Release
Fell in love with his tongue
and no
not the way u may think
I fell in love with his wordplay before his foreplay
entranced by the spells he'd cast
with the words he'd say
things like
"your image is indelibly burned into my mind" as he smiles
seeing me naked for the very first time
held me close as i cried
whispers of "i love u. it'll be alright", when my grandfather died
In his eyes i find the fountain of youth
in his charming way says i get better with each day
"like a bottle of chardonnay?" i ask
no he laughs as he takes me to task
and clasps my hands in his
as his eyes find mine
"more like
every day i can imagine
spending one more eternity
multiplied eternally
in your embrace"
"like every moment past is one less moment we have to share
so i wanna make them last"
as he proceeds to
kiss
my
face
cherishing every curve
every line
as i stare into his eyes

mesmerized

__________________________________________________________________

either yall know everything there is to know about me or yall really dont care
what happened to the questions?
theyll be answered ths weekend

RANDEM TANDEM-unanswered questions

2008-08-15T04:37:00.013-04:00

it was

sweet
reckoning
her soul beckoning to him across the room
can you feel me ? it said
and just like that he turned his head
as if his spirit could sense her
as if .....
with one glance he could tempt her

that he did

cuz she felt the pull, the attraction
and tho she didn't believe in love at first sight she definitely could imagine
date one: poetry reading then drinks
where they would discuss their favorite authors,
reminisce on common memories
lost in
reverie
of a shared yet singular experience

year two:anniversary dinner
dim lights and daises
cuz he'd know she hated roses since.......

since she hated roses
never really knew why

10 years later
3 kids
Isaiah, Charisma
and Malachi cuz she's always loved that name

"excuse me,is this seat taken?"
and just like that
daydream broken
or maybe
it was just beginning

Or maybe i wake the hell up and realize i'm not the lead character in a romance novel. I think people may be a bit unrealistic in what they expect of others sometimes. In real life, i've never had an immediate connection with someone off of a look. I don't buy into that love at first sight crap. NOT FRIGGIN POSSIBLE. That aint love playa, that's lust, interest, what have you. but it aint love. Next: honestly, he probably wouldn't remember that i hate roses. He'd just step through with them and i'd give him the wtf face and he'd be all like "watd i do?". Dumb motherfucker i told you two years ago i hated roses. puahahahaha
That poetry reading and drinks thing sounds hella sexy to me.
I do love those names: Charisma. Isaiah. Malachi
I know i say i want 10 kids (if finances allow) but i figure 3 of my own is enough plus throw in some foster and adoptive kids and i'm good to go.
Now lemme see what dude is gon try and tell me i can't have my 10 kids. Nuccah please i told you that on day 1 and now that we married you tryna renege on the deal. Get outta here. NO 4real. GET OUT.Oh u aint tryna hear me. OKAY THEN. Malachi, Charisma, Isaiah. grab ur bags. We takin a trip. Daddy's actin a damn fool today.

_________________________________________________

And it just keeps getting better
im not pregnant
but this i already friggin knew
My body did not have to expel anything dammit
i gotta be the unlucky bitch whose period lasts a whole friggin week

my camera is actin a fool and hiding from me so no hair pics
meh
it looks the same as those side pics nyway
use ur imagination

What will it take for a man to get you to have sex with him?
There are a coupla scenarios that could lead to me having to lay it down on someone (this assuming my sex life is as good as it plays out in my head.lol)

1.billionaire approaches me with an offer of atleast 1.3 billion dollars
He must sign a legally binding confidentiality agreement complete with nondisclosure clause
and pay for my revirgination surgery

2.a)He has to be particularly adept at hypnosis. Now ive heard of folk getting hypnotized by the dick.Ima harder chick to crack.lol
b)He has to have mind control powers

3.The fate of the world hangs in the balance and for some reason or another i have to be the friggin sacrificial virgin. Ima suggest that they go after Desy first tho.

4.The lord himself(and no he cant send Jesus as his messenger)has to come down and compel me to give up the drawers

ok lemme stop being stupid

yall know im tryna do that whole wait til marriage thing
i can hear folk hissing and snickering already
stop it
dont underestimate me son
i have a knack for ruining the mood when it suits me

Now being tres realistic here. even if i dont wait til that 'til death do us part', i am not fuckin with anybody i cannot see myself having a kid with. Thats my criteria. If i cant see you being the father of my child, i am not climbing atop the dick.

Shit happens. Im not tryna get stuck with a dumb motherfucker cuz a condom up and broke on me
If i was a dude, im pretty sure i'd be thinkin the same way

Why do you ask so many questions of your readers?
I havent asked questions in a minute.hmmm.gotta get on that.
Im nosey. Thats why. good enough?

If Hillary wins the nomination would you stay home from the polls in the general election?
Ha. Thats how long it took me to get to answering this shit. Them primaries been done.If she had won, ida still cast that ballot

How much traveling have you done?
Meh. not much. Only ever been to Haiti and Canada basically.
I gotta work on that.

Is there any place you'd like to go that you haven't been to?
I wanna head to Egypt and check out some heiroglyphics up close and personal
hit up an archeological dig or something. Get my In[Diana] Jones on.

Is there any place that you have been that you'd like to go back to to?
Canada i guess. I went for a wedding. Didnt do much sight seeing

Where did the name Dejanade come from from?
Its a combination of my first and last name + the lemonade ending
Diana+Jean+Lemonade=dejanade

What's the craziest search term(s) that brings people to your site?
i guess it would have to be gangbang
some freak got sorely disappointed when he came to my site
hey, atleast he made it known that it was a good read nonetheless.

I used to swear i could levitate

My folk tried to tell me that i was confusing my dreams with reality
hmmm
im not quite convinced

OK FOLK
GO HEAD
ASK ME SOMETHING
DONT ASK SHIT U DONT WANT THE ANSWER TO

yada yada yada

2008-08-13T17:18:00.002-04:00

im lazy
i will have a real post up for tomorrow ok
dont stone me

i took out el weave
cut my hair
not that u can tell much
aah the wonder of being natural
pics will be available sometime tomorrow

i need to head back to the gym
its been atleast a month
i have been fake running tho
summer's about to be up so honestly i dont really give a fuck on being strict with this exercise routine shit
mid winter is when i go hard

i need to do laundry
i probably wont get to it til tomorrow
i did say i was lazy

Ive changed my major yet again
Ive decided that when i head back itll be early childhood education and africana studies
I am indecisive but better i figure it out now than later
besides
i love the kiddies and i love history so this shit better work

WHAT JOB CAN YOU PICTURE ME DOING?

sigh

2008-08-07T02:41:00.007-04:00

sorry folk
i been tryna get shit together
the funds aint quite lookin right for me to go to school next semester
tryna get a full time gig

my god sister's grandma passed last week
the funeral's saturday
sigh
she was the closest thing to a grandma i've had
not to disparage my real grandmothers or anything
i just didnt know them like that
i really am mad at myself that i didnt see her as much as i should have
especially close to the end
sigh
i cant even get into that crap right now
maybe later
im friggin tapped out emotionally

My mom is actin a damn mess again
well moreso than usual that is
Yo
Why did she have the nerve to lay hands on me yesterday?
ok
lemme tell it from the beginning
I had gone out with Fiona
to some club in the village cuz her friend was celebrating his birthday
got home late
like 6 something
watev
no big deal right?
WRONG
My moms had called that night and they told her i was out
so why'd this woman decide to call every hour on the friggin hour until 4 am to check if i'd gotten in?
Guess she stopped telephone stalkin me so she could get her ass to sleep and wake up for work in the damn morning
who but she calls later that afternoon
Did she ask where i was?
NO
Did she ask who i was with?
NO
Did she ask why i aint left a number to be reached?
NO
Honestly
it was really none of her damn business cuz i for sure dont live with her
and last time i checked i was grown but
What she decided to do was start the phone conversation out by callin me a slut bitch
Yeah
thatll work
so i told her i didnt have time for her crap right then and that i needed to get some sleep cuz i came in late
puahaha
there, a string of curses did follow from the other end
Im so tired of her for real
She followed up with a few more calls
all with some variation of ho/bitch/slut what have you
and her favorite phrase of late?
Were you out getting fucked in the ass?
(side note: whats with this new fascination with anal sex tho?Why not just getting fucked?hmmm.interesting)
lmaoooo
no
you have to hear her say it in the Haitian accent to get the full hilarity factor
(She always whispers that shit like she's afraid it's gone get picked up on some wire tap that the pastor had installed or something)
it's sad but it's funny
i dont know whether to laugh or cry when it comes to this chick
Lord knows i've done my fair share of both
So she came over to the house yesterday to see the boys and give my other brother his suit
I ignored her and went to get me some food from the kitchen
sigh
She proceeded to say i was a slut who went out clubbing every weekend and was probably fuckin every guy up in there
(ha
hardly)
and somehow i ended up with a string of boyfriends
an std or two
and oh
did i mention im pregnant?
smh
yes
thats how her warped mind works
We got to arguing and i told her about herself
words were exchanged
She tried to slap me
I moved out the way and her hand caught me in my shoulder instead

FOLK
it took all i had not to do some hoodrat shit
Im too threw with this broad

I'm done

She needs some damn psychological help and i cant make her get it
Ima just stay away before i do something ima regret

"I ain’t worried doin me tonight
A little sweat ain’t never hurt nobody"
I was for sure sweating
had to air out the girls a lil bit
had the afro puff too
sorry no pics
anyway i did have fun that night
here i go revisiting Diana's club etiquette tips
take heed folk
do not let the jokin manner fool you from the utter seriousness of my intent
lol

1) atleast ask a bitch to dance. DON'T JUST BE GRABBIN ON MY ARM MOTHERFUCKER. Liable to get your black ass killed.
(I aint gon lie tho. There was this one dude actin a damn fool, but he was cute and funny with his so i let it go. What you want me to say??He was good-lookin dammit. I'm allowed to make exceptions)

2) If i bless you with the opportunity to dance with yours truly, follow my lead. Read my friggin body language. I'll let you know how far ima go. Don't fuckin pull that shit on me you was doin to that heifa over there. No you tryna bend me over and shit.
(I was dancing with this dude and all was good until some reggae come on. I mean i got bootleg hype too cuz dj had kinda killed the mood playing some slow ass American Gansta joint for too long so when the reggae beat came on I was ready to do my thing. This motherfucker however, thought it was the perfect time to assault me with his hips. Fuck man. Where the finesse at? I got my heels on and shit. Calm the hell down. Jack rabbit ass. (How much you wanna bet that's how he is in the bedroom the no signal-reading, flo jo hip-movin, premature ejaculatin-sucka)
So i just had to flip it on him and give him somea that shit back on some "yeah nigga. what u want?" type mess. I think he kinda got scared.Didn't know what the hell to do. Serves his ass right.

3) If you can't dance, what bizness you have askin me? You aint gotta be no Fred Astaire or nothing. But PLEASE. Stop stompin all over my feet. Sure they a size 10.5Don't mean they don't feel pain idiot

4) As evidenced above if you're cute and funny or not so cute and funny, you can get away with more shit. Not if you think your funny. Only if you actually make me laugh. Otherwise proceed with caution.

5) You just look a fool standing all the way over there glancing at me every five seconds. You wanna dance? ask. Don't be doin that stalker shit. It aint a good look. What you want me to do? Go over there and ask you? uh huh. So you really aint gon ask a sistah to dance but wanna stare all night? Whatever do you. Just don't try no mess when i'm tryna take my ass home. I got a tazer in my purse. Well maybe i do, maybe i don't. Do you really wanna take that chance?

6) Just cuz we was dancing does not mean i am now your girlfriend, fuck buddy, or wifey. Needy ass, attachment-disorder motherfucker
The song is over. You can leave me alone now. Why the hell you mean-muggin cuz i'm dancin with this dude?

have a good day folk