ahem ahem the new york state lotto is now 20 million dollars

so yeah
if any of yall win the lottery u know u gotta hook me up right?
it's my bornday tomorrow
i almost forgot
i dont ever really do shit
i just... chill
havent done anything for my bornday since i was nine i think


ill probably just head to the movies, walk around the city and chill with friends
who's coming?

im waiting on my e-gifts




ive been slackin on heading over to yall's spots
i know
i been semi-busy

ugh
i need some friggin direction in my damn life
im all over the place

rhymes revisited comin right up
(i always do this crap when im in the process of workin on some new stuff and i cant seem to get it done. Revisit old shit and hope the spirit moves me)
you will see this crap again
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i never wanted to be this

this
empty shell of what should have
could have
would have been
If only i could traverse the space and time continuum
have my future self warn my past self that he was just
no
fucking
good

see
i thought, i really did believe that he loved me
took his words at face value when he said hed always want me
didnt question the new scent i smelled when he'd hug me cuz i just knew
he'd never do me dirty
and figured we'd have no reason for this thing i thought was love to end
cuz what could be better than good fuckin from ur very best friend
and i just knew i laid it on him,
4 inch stilettos on , and on and on until the early hours of the morn and

I don't even know why i'm cryin
because i said the last time was the last time
but i'm steady here, soul dyin, tears no closer to dryin, and fuck it
there's no denyin

i still


love him
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__________________________________________

she said
she loved him
and her name was Lyric
he said
i aint want no conversation
but she thought they were makin love cuz the moves,
they mimicked
and she swore he could touch her soul and like waters wade in it
irony
cuz she was sleepin with dogs so she got ensnared like a
runaway slave caught
and now she's screamin to God
why u aint trouble them waters?
pause
waitin on a response from the lord she rephrased her question
why you aint swing your chariot low to carry me home?
cuz im lost without you
i'm troubled in my mind and my spirit's weary aint got nowhere to go
sure can't... return back home
heard talk of a balm in Gilead
Can it restore my soul?
mend my heart and
render me whole cuz
im shattered and broken
spirit arrested while waiting on that token
of mercy
as they stare and they whisper
Y'all heard bout Lyric?
yeah that fast tailed lil girl got herself with child
Lord they speak on things they do not know and noone
(i saw pa in Church Sunday he looked right thru me
ma?...ma she had sadness in her eyes but
she passed me by ..)
Noone knows but so much conjecture
Lord i aint yet reached that point
cant utter them words
no..."Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do"
I am not yet that strong
I want destruction visited upon their heads like the
like the ten plagues of Egypt
one
for every man they had the nerve to claim i've slept with
aint it funny how sometimes we find the worst ones in church?
same ones
who'll catch the ghost and
trail tears behind your hearse
be the ones who spread lies that bind with no care of the harm
to heart
or mind
But as she screams in pain
ramshackle cottage her resting place
with her last breath she releases her daughter's name
Mercy
and prays
for absolution
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
if i give u my heart, will i get it back broken?
see my insecurities lie just under the surface but roots dig deep
these are not the cursory worries that people have of giving of themselves
i've had hopes shattered too often to dream
don't get me wrong
i'm not searching for pity
a life of regrets doesn't offer much for the soul but i don't think i can afford to take the chances that others do
giving all too much of myself and always seeming to play the recurring role of the fool
so before you offer me platitudes of how you'll never make me cry and how you see the future in my eyes
cut the crap and tell me something real
i only consider it romance if the words are actualized
like dreams never realized and love never materialized
almost doesn't count
never did
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noone ever loved him so he kept it close
said his heart was never something he'd ever let go
wasnt one for the chase wasnt tryna be his buddy,
ova a chick caught a case on the concrete pouring bubbly
its like this
inferiority complex
like staring at east village condos from roach infested projects he couldnt find hope so his spirit never fine tuned it
victim of the system never had noone to miss him
miscellaneous. never knew his roots so how could he
ever lose it?
it being his past he says it
be in the past so he swallows them memories back tryna stop the heart attack but an aspirin just wont cut it
wounds too deep and he can't cry wondering what to make of it. it never made much sense but he took what he could from it
Fought demons that threatened to drive him insane and render him deranged its crazy the way we survive sometimes he'd say
gotta cut shit out that makes you weak
be it your tongue cuz you cant control the words you push forth in your speech
or
see Terry Fox Run
lost a limb to disease
it's all relative
i'd cut out my heart
if i'd still be able to breathe
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firm calloused hands that grip my waist as lust offers the only escape
tongues that invade as passions rise
screaming for hunger to be sated as scorching heat
sets the room aflame
and u slip deeper into me and I hold tighter onto you
as hands explore the unknown
mouths discovering peaks and valleys with wonder
as you make your way to my breast
licking
sucking
coaxing responses with your skill
to the soundtrack of rapid heartbeats and shallow breaths
silhouette of arched forms and fingers raking across backs
voice raspy and unsteady
as you hold me close and whisper in my ear
'like that?'
swift intake of air
my back against your chest
'yeah
like that'
sweat drenched sheets
glistening skin as bodies meet
moving to the beat of desire
i start to squirm as you delve into the heart of me
offering no retreat, no escape from release
as you grip my thighs tighter
i reach forward clasping your head as moans crescendo like symphony
the favor returned
as i take you into me
wet
warm
ready
ecstacy-filled groans followed by
orgasmic loss of speech
as our eyes lock
heaven found atop silk sheets

for those of you who've made it this far
suggest bootleg titles for the crap u just read


and last but not least
u best wish my black ass a 'im so glad u were born cuz my life would be incomplete without u' day