Music: vernacular of the soul


Monday, March 31, 2008

random tandem-Invisibility Cloak


he could get it


the harry potter craze

i dont get it??
if u cant get me in the first few pages, i aint readin it

Some folk don't do the weekend post thing
I assume it's cuz they have a life
If yall noticed
this chick be bloggin on the weekends
well i cant speak for anybody else who does
but i aint got no life bastards

relic hunter

that was my show son

i cant deal with stupid dudes
dumb as shit negroes
now if i was into fuck buddies or one night stands...
not even then
but for real
my pussy's allergic to stupidity
dries up real quick at any sign that ur iq is in the double digits

anal sex
nah not for me
let somebody talk bout stickin some shit up my ass

You already know
ima be like

"u first motherfucker"

unless its Will Smith

i might have to make an exception
im just sayin...
i see yall
dont judge me bastards

damn it you Australian aboriginees
with your dark skin and blonde hair

cant hate on Faquisha-shanae-nessa with the blonde weave
cuz God musta thought it was aiight

I been slackin on my workouts
aint been to the gym in a minute
damn near forgot what the shit looks like
ima go back Tue tho
gladiator status son

gladiator status

you know what i hate?
well im bout to tell you
when folk do this to themselves

come the hell on
your face being 15 shades lighter than your body aint a good look
ima be nice and not even speak on the other shit

Call me a hater all you want but Halle Berry aint all that

now calm the fuck down fellas
i can hear yall callin me all typsa ugly bitch already
for real tho
she's a cute chick
but in the grander scheme of things
she aight

and Denzel

Who the fuck made him the end all be all?
I dont get the hype
someone explain it to me please
The only thing i can figure is chicks must be in love with his charisma
cuz i for sure dont see it

I want twins
just dont wanna carryem

How much does a surrogate cost?
Fuck that.i'll just have the bastards and use that surrogate money for some reconstructive

Vivica Fox

she's been lookin like her former self lately
im proud of the ole heifa

"I am too cute to be talkin to u"
No thats not conceit talking
ill be the first to admit i'm an average lookin chick
but even the ugliest chick ive ever seen deserves more than some wack line from some cane wielding seventy year old mack in a sean john sweat suit
whatnafuck u take me for?

dance face
that scrunched 'ima fuck u up face'
its ugly for real
but when im on the dance floor and killin it
It just appears
i cant do nothin bout that

ive fallen off the top bunk of a bunk bed
and kept on sleepin
true story (doesnt that automatically make it sound like i'm lying?)
dad said he came into the room after he heard the noise and guess who was just
layin there on the floor like aint nothing happened
i guess i thought i was dreamin or something


Say whatever u want
freaky shit
call me a dumb bitch
well nah dont do that
unless u really think that
pose any questions u wanted to but were afraid to ask
just say random off the wall shit
Tell me what u REALLY think of me
tell me u visit 50 times a day just to see my face.lmao
i crack myself up
Say i write like my breath stink
it's all good
i wont even erase any
try to make it interesting folk
u can concoct murder plots
volunteer fantasies
Confess sins
relay secrets
u sleepin wit ur boss?
gon head and tell me
confess a blog crush
lukers: perfect opportunity for yall to come out the
start some blog beef
talk bout anotha blogger's mama
(disclaimer: dont get mad at me if somebody talks about u. i aint did shit)
post the comments with a bootleg alias tho so i know how to refer to the commenter


I like to suck my toes

thats nice r2d2
how do they taste?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Name that Post Weekend


so ill do a post lata today
but suggest some post titles or topics
ill pick my fave ones and do them next week

how's yall Saturday goin?
What's in the plans for today?

Refried beans time
excerpts from
perusing past posts (i know yalllike the alliteration)

I got a few doppelgangers strollin the street
people swear they see me places i know i haven't been
or they try to act like they know me from somewhere. I have an excellent memory. I don't know your ass. How the hell u gon ask me if i'm sure i'm not so and so? How the fuck i'm not supposed to know who i am??!!!!!

"Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathies with despised ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."
—Susan B. Anthony

Vocabulary words of the day:

albophobia -The fear of white people
apodyopsis -The act of mentally undressing someone
abderian -given to incessant or idiotic laughter

So i was out in the field today observing the mating rituals of the brownskinned streetdwellers otherwise known as the stay-hanging-out-on-the-block-aint-got-a-damn-job-probably-living with-they-mama-sorry-ass-negro (now do you see why i had to shorten it to brownskinned-streetdwellers). So anyway, I was walking down Flatbush Ave headed to the gym and this ignorant motherfucker decides that a mating call would be the perfect thing to get my attention. It sounded something like a cross between a rutting beast and a battle cry. WTF is that shit? i really thought we had evolved past the point where mating calls were necessary but apparently he didn't think so. He kept on with his mating/xena warrior princess battle cry routine for a block. 'soo wehing' the whole time. What the hell is SOO WEH???!!! SMH. Now i've heard of the mating call stories, just never experienced it first hand . I guess that must be why i got a double dose of it today. Yes i said double dose. This other idiot not even 2 blocks later decides to "woo-sa!!" my ass. I was lookin at the idiot like shut the hell up dumb ass motherfucker. He obviously did not get the look of utter contempt i threw at him because he decided to slow his car to a crawl and try to holla at me. Now i'm mad but i'm also wondering how many times his mating call then stalking routine has worked for him in the past. He seemed hella confident that i would get in his car with him and, how'd he put it again?, "go party with him and his boys". Ummm since when did party become a euphemism for orgy or gangbang???. I think i'll pass. Ugh. The sad thing is that for every female with half a brain cell that would dismiss these sorry ass nuccahs, there's one who will smile and hop into the friggin car like it aint nothing but a thing.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Tuesdays with Toni

excerpts from im conversations
or maybe i just made this shit up
or not

Yeah i know it's not Tuesday
Get over it
Toni 1 is a generic name ima be usin for the other person in these bootleg convos
I'll do these shits everyonce in a while
Sometimes they'll be true to life
Sometimes it's just my multiple personalities surfacing
Sometimes a combo of both
Don't expect anything earth shattering
filler post material here


toni 1 : Yo yo YO
dejanae411 : ma
(a reference to the reknowned virtuoso violinist Yo-yo Ma. Yep im hot like Yall know im all seddity and cultured and knowledgable and shit)
toni 1 : Say homie... what it look like
dejanae411 : like pain
toni 1 : Went to the gym?
dejanae411 : no
toni 1 : Then why are you in pain
dejanae411 : actually was gon go today
dejanae411 : lady issues
dejanae411 : or put less tactfully
dejanae411 : a bloody mess

toni 1 :Oh dear

ima have to marry someone who's immune to period talk
i really do mention it an awful lot
and you know it's gonna be in graphic terms)

If guys had cramps and had to bleed out they dick for 5-7 days
im sure they'd be complaining bout it too
mattafact. Theyda already came up with some way to stop the shit

all this fuckin money spent on viagra and the like

No bastards
put an end to the friggin period
with no ill side effects that can kill me

Ur old ass shouldnt be havin sex no way
If u cant get it up without the pills
thats God way of tellin u to let it go
Your balls hangin to the floor
u smilin now but you gon mess around and catch a heart attack

on to the actual post

toni 1: What the business is?
dejanae411 : now u already know
toni 1: lol. Just checking
dejanae411 : yeah
dejanae411 : u figured id develop a life today
toni 1 : Anything's possible
dejanae411 : true
dejanae411 : chu doin?
toni 1 : Eating dinner
dejanae411 : nah
dejanae411 : i should go make something
toni 1 : What'd you have in mind?
dejanae411 : i said should
dejanae411 : we both know
dejanae411 : i aint gon do shit
toni 1 : Which is why I said "in mind" as opposed to "gonna cook"
dejanae411 : some friggin spinache salmon and potatoes
toni 1 : Damn
toni 1: You got it like that?
dejanae411 : notice i aint say it was gon be good
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : nah
dejanae411 : its aight
dejanae411 : trial and error my man
dejanae411 : trial and error
toni 1: Well I mean if you gonna do the cookin' I have to wanna eat it
dejanae411 : ha
dejanae411 : u cook?
toni 1 : Yeah
toni 1 : Chicken breast and brown rice

dejanae411 : u mean thats what u cooked today?
dejanae411 : send some over
toni 1 : Yeah that's what I cooked
toni 1 : But yeah I can do a lil' something
dejanae411 : so its headed my way?
toni 1: Depends
dejanae411 : * side eye* on what?
toni 1: On whether or not I feel like it
toni 1 : And I'm taking into consideration all the times you called me a
dejanae411 : well u can add one more to the list
toni 1 : LOL
dejanae411 : u steady laughin at my expense
dejanae411 : i wasnt even hungry til ur selfish ass brought up foos
toni 1 : Now wait a minute... I ain't say a damn thing about foos
dejanae411 : shut the hell up
dejanae411 : u know wat i meant
toni 1 : Such hostility
dejanae411 : well thats what happens when im hungry
toni 1 : Getcha grub on yet?
dejanae411 : so u just left me hangin
toni 1 : I asked if you gotcha grub on
toni 1 : This relationship ain't turnin' out so good
dejanae411 : u the one aint doin ur part
toni 1 : I'll do better if you act right
dejanae411 : whatnahells that supposed to mean?
toni 1 : I had to cook my own dinner
toni 1 : Let this be the
dejanae411 : man
dejanae411 : u aint good for nothin
toni 1 : But you still feelin' the kid
toni 1 : Man look - I put all my other 17 wives off for YOU. You better make it worth the while
dejanae411 : im already in talks with a divorce lawyer
dejanae411 : he's cutthroat
dejanae411 : ill leave u with 20 percent tho

toni 1 : What is it with you and 20%?
(i'm always sayin as his bootleg fictional manager, im entitled to twenty percent of everything)
dejanae411 : this time its u and the 20%
toni 1 : That's that BS
toni 1 : And I was about to talk with you about naming the first kid and evrything
dejanae411 : ha
dejanae411 : like u'd have a say
toni 1 : lol
toni 1 : So what's the first kid's name
dejanae411 : Zoe
toni 1 : Zoe Battleaxe?
dejanae411 : Charisma
toni 1 :Zoe Charisma Battleaxe...
toni 1 : You know, I can roll with that
dejanae411 : thats ur last name?
toni 1 : Battleaxe?
toni 1: Yeah
dejanae411 : meh
dejanae411 : the kids gon have mine
toni 1 : Shit
toni 1: Lemme have yours
toni 1: Toni Jean
dejanae411 : thas wassup
dejanae411 : ima wear the pants in this shit

toni 1: I ain't gonna be yo bitch or nothin'
dejanae411 : it'll be fun
dejanae411 : i promise
toni 1 : Will you be in black leather at any time?
dejanae411 : puahahaha
dejanae411 : maybe
toni 1 : Cuz I mean if that's the case, I can enjoy THAT
toni 1 : Wait... I think I said too much
dejanae411 jean : puahahaa
dejanae411 jean : a lil SnM aint neva hurt nobody

toni 1 : Well hell nah
toni 1 : Whip me and we fightin
toni 1 : But I think you'd look nice in black leather
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : umm
dejanae411 : no whippin
dejanae411 : no black leather
toni 1: Darn
toni 1: There goes the fantasy
dejanae411 : im sayin...
dejanae411 jean : if i cant do no whippin
dejanae411 jean : i sure as hell aint wearin no damn leather
dejanae411 jean : shit
toni 1: Well fine
toni : You can whip
toni 1: Just don't get carried away or we gon be like Buster-Douglas
dejanae411 : lol
dejanae411 : u lost me

toni 1 : Buster-Douglas... a famous boxing match
toni 1 : Meaning, if you sting me, I'ma uppercut yo ass
dejanae411 : ok
dejanae411 : u takin this SnM thing a bit too far man
dejanae411 : i aint tryna end up in no hospital
toni 1 : lol
toni 1 : I'm just saying be gentle
toni 1 : Careful with the cat o' nine tails
toni 1 : Don't be leavin' welts and shit
dejanae411 : welts can be hot tho
toni 1 : For who?
toni 1 : You or me?
dejanae411 : as long as they aint on me
dejanae411 : theyre sexy as hell
dejanae411 : whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
dejanae411 : lol
toni 1 : issues. lol
dejanae411 : yeah
dejanae411 : and ur perfectly sane
toni 1 : Well hey
toni 1 : I'm close
dejanae411 : uh huh
toni 1 : You the one talkin' about whippin' people
dejanae411 : excuse me
dejanae411 : aint nothin wrong with that
toni 1 : So be for real... do you get off on that shit?
dejanae411 : well it looks like fun
dejanae411 : why u hatin
toni 1 : Seriously you like that?
toni 1 : I'm not hatin', I'm just askin'
dejanae411 : u actin like i said i wanna lock folk in a dungeon or something
dejanae411 : light SnM looks interesting
toni 1 : Ok
toni 1 : I can get down with the light stuff
toni : nah, cuz white folk been done chained a nigga to a wall and put a tennis ball in they mouth and shit
dejanae411 : dang bruh. u went and took it in a whole nother direction
toni 1 : I'm just saying, lol
toni 1 : That's the shit they do
toni 1 : But yeah, the light shit is cool
dejanae411 : lollllllllll
toni 1 : Anyways
toni 1 : Before this convo goes in a whole nother route
toni 1 : What the hell are YOU doing?
dejanae411 : conversatin
toni 1 : With...
dejanae411 : king Kong.

dejanae411 : yo son
dejanae411 : u watch cnn?
toni 1 : My son?
toni 1 : Nah
dejanae411 : boooooo
toni 1 : What is this fascination with CNN?
dejanae411 : man
dejanae411 : its fyah
dejanae411 : and anderson cooper

dejanae411 : whooooo
dejanae411 : sexy
toni 1 : Ain't he gay?
dejanae411 : shut up blashphemer
dejanae411 : when u bring me a gay sex tape of him
dejanae411 : then ill believe that shit
dejanae411 : You know what? im takin the kid and leavin
dejanae411 : u mad neglectful
toni 1 : What kid?
toni 1 : What?
toni 1 : Oh
toni 1 : You whinin'
dejanae411 : *signing divorce papers*
toni 1 : I'm gettin' the couch
dejanae411 : nope
dejanae411 : all u get is the dishes
toni 1 : FUCK THAT
toni 1 : them fake ass Wal-Mart shits
toni 1 : Why you tryin' to leave?
toni 1 : You never had it so good
dejanae411 : puahahahaha
dejanae411 : shows wat u know
dejanae411 : i been gettin me some on the side

dejanae411 : and lemme tell u.......
toni 1 : You know...
toni 1 : Things did feel different...
toni 1 : MAN FUCK THAT. We gon scrap
dejanae411 : dont forget
dejanae411 : i can kill u and use the battered wives defense.
go Thin line Between Love and Hate on ur ass

Thursday, March 27, 2008

throw some D's on that bitch

Why do i look like i'm carryin a friggin fetus?
i'm bloated as hell but no more cramps
just one shit replacing another
Atleast i aint have to throw no 'u-know-what's' at anybody yesterday

nyway to the post

What in your life needs to be upgraded?

Ever had cosmetic surgery?
Ever considered some pec implants?
penile implants?
butt implants?
Ever stuffed your underwear?
Feel self conscious bout anything on your body?
How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10?
Ever date/sex a chick with implants?
If so, how'd you likem?
If not, would you? why?why not?
Do you percieve chicks with implants differently?
which would u prefer (honesty please):
a natural b cup or an augmented d cup (surgeon hooked it up. You wouldnt know they were implants until chick told you or you felt them up)

aside: If you gon ask a chick about her cup size, best be prepared for her to ask your dick size man
That's what i do

Ever stuffed your bra?
ever considered implants?ass or breasts?
Got some implants?
felt some?how were they?
Ever had any type of cosmetic surgery?
Would you consider it?
Ever felt self-conscious about anything on your body ?
Ever flashed your tatas?ass?
How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (looks wise)

What kinda car yall got?
How long have you had it?
Just bought a cadillac?
Got some d's on that bitch?
How would you rate your car on a scale of 1-10?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

bootleg serious time

sorry folk
i know i look like a friggin liar
expounding on mama confession later today
i love the lady
just can't stand her

assignment will be in by 4

new playlist goin up too

edit:pray for me
im cramping something awful

i swear i dont know how im supposed to make it thru labor
and my dumbass be talkin bout no drugs, no epidural and a natural vaginal birth
fuck that shit
can someone remove my friggin uterus and return it me once it stops actin an ass
thank you

I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch


When u gaze into my eyes
tell me wat is it that you see
They say the eyes
are the windows to the soul
Then brotha if so...
can u look past the rough edges
and hard lines
can you use your
x-ray vision to see
wat truly lies behind
the gangsta swagga and rolling of eyes
the making of me
Can you see into years past
to that scratched up table in the back
where she sits
head bowed praying
sometimes internally and at others
quietly but out loud
asking the lord
and other times saying
Dear lord can you hear me
It's Diana
this life ain't always easy
the kids u know they tease me
have me sitting in the back alone
can't quite figure out why they don't like me
must be cuz i aint got those timbs
or cuz my jeans are just too short for my limbs
could very well be cuz my jordans are two years old
this year got me beat down more than two-fold
and my home life you know its crazy
contemplated suicide
considered the maybes
didn't wanna go to hell
plus the voice in the bathroom said
put the razor down baby
So before you dismiss me
as a hardass bitch being pissy
look past the lies my mouth tells
search my eyes for that place where

Me and moms were never close
She was and still remains a constant thorn in my side
I mean i love the old heifa i do
(tryin to convince myself)
i care about her but
She has problems
Fisrt off, she was on that 'beat first, ask questions lata' plan
and damn it if i didn't get hit almost evryday
I'm tellin you
When i look back on it
I should so be a totally different person than i am
not to say that i'm not fucked up
cuz i for sure am
i'm just tryna move past it
Honestly its to the point where all i associate her with is drama
She didn't play
discipline is all well and good
child abuse however is not a good look
okay. At first i just figured that's the way everybody's mama was
Especially the Haitians i knew
They wasn't gon have no lil kids disrespectin them
ya dig?
But my moms was on a whole nother level altogether
I aint tryna rehash childhood trauma so i'll just say
she grabbed whatever she could and beat like she thought she was stomping out the devil
Now to be fair
Ima let yall know she had it rough growin up
dad was a womanizer
outside kids out the wazoo
moms had other kids she couldnt really take care of like that
she was sent to live with an aunt
She was never one to open up
I had to piece shit together from convo with other family members
but basically her childhood was fucked up
(As an adult i see how this plays into her behavior
but understanding only extends so far tho)
First i had it figured that she'd turn 'normal' when i turned like thirteen or something cuz that's when
mosta the folk i knew stopped catching beatdowns
Then that didn't pan out
SO i said by fifteen Shit was gon change cuz i'd be damned if i'd be flinchin everytime chick came near me
That shit was gon stop
yeah that didn't work neither
Okay i know somea yall are probably wondering where is pops in alla dis
that's all for today
my deadlines here
i'll finish this lata
probably tomorrrow
(most likely the day after)
i gotta lighten shit up

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

i love me some me

4000 U.S. troops dead
upwards of 80,000 Iraqi's dead

*moment of silence*

i probably wont get to that confessions crap til tonight
so here's something to tide yall over
see how much i love yall

what do u think makes u a good friend?
what do people usually compliment u on?
What is ur favorite body part? (show me urs and ill show u mine. lol)
write a bootleg ode to said bodypart
What is your best feature?
How many times do you check the mirror each day?
Are you a camera whore?

im bout to head to class
so im just showin my ass now

(and yes i'm wearing pants. bout to get my bootleg dance on. get ur mind out the gutter. real dancing)
and no i'm not setting the women's movemement back 50 years

well not off
i wouldnt appreciate that

Ode to my ass
Youve been there with me thru thick and thin
you've had my back thru beating after beating
sure u used to be a bit firmer and higher and ....
oh well
no use rehashing the past
i still love you
stretchmarks and all
a dimple here and there
like ur smiling back at me
as if we're sharing a personal joke
Baracka (<-her name; "yes we can baracka. yes we can" as im in the gym tryna sueeze out the last set of squats. lolll)
u be getting on my nerves sometimes
but really
its all love

(i tend to do a lot of this editting crap. Basically the post you see early on in the day will be different from the one u see later on. something else pops into my head
some other line sounds funnier
picture placement a bit off.
i'll just shut up now)

ever have that thin friend who complains that they're getting big and u just wanna tell them to shut the hell up?
damn anorexic hos fishing for compliments and shit
i'm not saying that's u Cha but....
(yes i know. anorexia is a serious illness. this blog aint pc. u'll survive. don't know if my political aspirations will tho)

Say hi to my friend Chanell

and her ass

yeah and what??!?!?! im pimpin ur ass out on blogspot
i couldnt have my ass out on a limb
u let Spitzer see it for free
dont be actin a prude now
u know i love you

(she's so cute when she tries to be gangsta)

Chanell has agreed to be a guest blogger everyonce in a frozen hell
(well not really. but she will. Chick is hilarious and she can write. i mean...I'd hit it, but she's already taken.ctfu )
i gotta live vicariously thru her cuz she's always with the drama
don't make a liar out of me Chacha

Monday, March 24, 2008

Goonies never say die, bitch

try to stick that line in regular conversation today
i for sure will
i fuckin love the Goonies
i dont think u understand
everytime it comes on television, i watch it
and guess what was on this morning?


This movie is so ingrained into my friggin whatevernahell that i woke up as soon as i heard this song

i mean i was actually sleeping
heard: good enough, for me it's good enough
and sat straight up
it's like that

no hating please

just sing along


this scene
it's love right here

i shoulda been a goonie son
u know they needed some color up in there
i guess they figured the Asian boy was enough affirmative action for one
Why the asian boy had to be the one with all the gadgets tho? *side eye*
ida killed it

and when chick
was talkin about leave the coins cuz they was other folks dreams
ida been like bitch please
see here
ima take this damn money and go
If they dreams aint come true yet
it aint bout to happen now

Yo how would a Goonies with black folk go?
oh thatd be pure comedy

What would be this generation's Goonies?

Who in the world hasn't seen this movie?
Wherenahell u been?

not knowing the ins and outs of this movie is grounds for me no longer talking to a dude
gon be like: just fuck it man
we aint gon work
we're not compatible

here's some preliminary screening questions:

What is the name of the pirate with the hidden treasure?

a. One-Legged Larry

b. Pantless Pete

c. One-Eyed Willy

d. Longbeard

What is The Goonies motto?

a. Goonies never give up!

b. Goonies never say never!

c. Goonies never say die!

d. Goonies never eat pie!

What is the name of the family of bad guys?

a. The Fratellis

b. The Agnolottis

c. The Barbagallos

d. The Tibaldis

What is the name of the dance Mouth makes Chunk do before letting him into the Walsh's house?

a. The Dancing Donut

b. The Blubber Bounce

c. The Truffle Shuffle

d. The Tummy Wobble

Where does Rosalita find the jewels at the end of the movie?

a. In Mikey's pocket

b. In Mouth's mouth

c. In Mikey's marblebag

d. In Mikey's shoe

If you cannot answer atleast one of these questions correctly, you're just not cool enough to be hangin with me.
*pulling on my Goonies commemorative jacket*

(aside: gon finish up that confessions post tomorrow. Probably turn them into a few posts. Yall can suggest which ones i should talk on first and you can ask me any question you want no matter how personal u think it may be. ima answer. you can do this typa shit when u know you've led a pretty unremarkable

Saturday, March 22, 2008


Rashan ur an ass
ive been bootleg confessing all week

here goes some other crap
ill expound lata
(thats sunday night or monday morning)
im just tryna get some crap in before the bootleg Saturday deadline is over

I almost killed Christmarlon

I avoid my fake god-daughter like a Flavor of Love casting call

I pick at my scabs (sexy huh?)
been doin it forever

I don't like my mother in the least(i do love her tho) *grimace*

I wore a thong for the first time last year (im always late with shit. But i just figured: who the hell wants to walk around with a constant wedgie?)

encouraged my lil brother to prance around in my mom's bras

hit him in the nuts with a belt

i've been suicidal

I am not too old to watch Clifford the Big Red Dog or Arthur

Everyonce in a while i'll try to do a bootleg cartwheel to the left
i can only achieve a cartwheel going to the right
dont ask me how that works
i dont friggin get it

I planned to run away from home at the age of 12. Got as far as the building door. Can't do much when u aint got no shoes on. That's what happens when you tell ur mother u gon run away. She said fine. go then. She took the shoes (smh. she said cuz she boughtem she'd be damned if i'd be running about in them shits) and i stood outside the door, barefoot and lookin a damn fool

I like PAX tv
(don't hate)

I have intimacy issues

I stuffed my bra in the 5th grade

I used to pull out my eyelashes

I am slightly addicted to trashy romance novels

I'm not discounting the possibility of cosmetic surgery in the future

I use humor to deflect from people getting to know the real me because i honestly think i'll disappoint if i'm "off"

I did the macarena last night

I don't think i even know who the real me is

The most expensive pair of shoes i've ever bought was 60 something dollars

That Beyond Belief: fact or fiction show had me fucked up

I love this song

Friday, March 21, 2008

happy good friday


This is my 'just came home from a long service' look
blessed but tired
(that aint a mustache by the way, thats just a
i made it in with 2 minutes to spare
There was a youth meeting today
ima expound lata
happy good friday folk

what are yall thankful for?
did yall go to service?

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Random Tandem

i talk too damn much
i cant help it
i love to hear myself speak
ill argue u down about the most mundane shit just becuz
i can never be wrong
i just cant
not because i don't want to
simply becuz it is not possible

My husband would wish atleast a thousand lil deaths upon me evryday

the makeup sex would be fyah tho
all that passion....
im getting tingly just thinkin about it

he might not like my bootleg dirty talk tho
ima be like
yeah bitch
take that
who's ur mama
say my motherfuckin name
That's mistress Diana to you
now put on this here collar

nothing too hardcore
im not even playin
i know yall guys are like
"What kinda power trip is this bitch on?!?!?!?!?"
Don't worry
i'll return the favor

as long as he aint tryin nona that golden shower, dirty sanchez,type shit
and i refuse to do any position that could get my ass killed
or that i could get stuck in and have to worry bout explaining shit to the paramedics once they arrive

I have issues
i'm giving myself up til the age of 50 to get married
that's the real time limit
not an exaggerated one
Tho i will be mad as hell if i'm 50 and still a single virgin
That's not a friggin good look man
ima go hole myself up in some dark room in the attic and just start rocking gently back and forth. Im sure sometime later i'll commence to talkin to myself per usual.

You are fine just the way you are
So what ur ole dried up ass is still single
You fly girl
Come on. I aint tryna be stuck up here wit ur pathetic ass forever
Go do something man
Take a shower
change your dang drawers
get a makeover
OLILF here i come
(That's 'old lady i'd like to fuck' by the way)
That's it
You can do it
Now go do your damn hair
Dreds are cool and shit but i dont think that's the look you were going for

If worse comes to worse ima arrange me onea them green card marriages
You know how many Haitian folk tryna come over here?
OKay. Yall know i'd never actually do that shit right?
I know of two grown folk who have
Both them shits ended in disaster
I'm not really tryna marry a fresh off the boat Haitian
I mean i love my folk and all
No thanks
Folk gon get mad when u tellem to cook their own damn meal every once in a while
Gon ask me why i cant hook up no Haitian dishes
Gon try to lay his hands on me when i inevitably curse his mother out for being an interfering bitch
(not to her face of course)

I laugh when i see a guy crying
even if i get up to the actual wedding ceremony
im liable to simultaneously point, laff and shake my head at him if dude starts droppin tears
okay i know we want dudes to be caring and sensitive and shit
thats nice
really it is
but ive never in my life cried tears of joy
so if he does, i'm straight clowning

I say i want an aggressive dude but i notice that i don't respond to an aggressive approach
makes no sense
but that's the way it is
I'd rather ease into it
the whole friends to lovers thing

I need a man with an ass
no pancake shit please
its not cute

can you make your booty clap?
i've tried
it's sad really
i can achieve the bootleg motion
but no bootleg sound
how do they do it??
can yall tell i got too much time on my damn hands?

been to a strip club?
How was it?

oral sex
it's still sex right?
Sound like a dumbass question?
I think so
what the fuck @ folk getting down with th oral but saying they aint had sex
or actin all holier than though and talkin bout saving themselves
I'd think having a dude's dick in your mouth would be about as intimate a moment as can be shared between two folk
Do you think someone should still call themself a virgin if they've had oral sex?

I was watchin Oprah one day and they was talkin bout these rainbow/lipstick parties
some shit like that they called it
girls wearin different shades of lipstick and
hole up
im bout to look it up forya

im back
A type of party where several girls wear a different color of lipstick then each proceeds to give one or more guys a blow job. The multiple of colors left on each guy's penis resembles a rainbow.
aint that some shit
(You know that's a white folk thing .lol
no offense to yall melanin-challenged folk.yall know u be doin some crazy shit. Yeah i know. us too)
just a mess

Question time
you know my virgin ass aint did shit
i gotta live vicariously through yall
get to answering
if u aint scared that is

that was a pathetic attempt at reverse psychology

the first time you had oral sex...
was it the same time you had actual sex?(for lack of a better term)
how old were you?
who with?
used protection?
how was it?
how long did it last?
still talk to the person?

ever slept with a celebrity?
got kicked out of a club?
hired a stripper/exotic dancer?
been to a sex show?
solicited a prostitute?
solicited a gigolo?

some vajayjay talk
yesterday when i said i aint shaved i was talkin bout my legs folk
im not all overgrown down there
(the vajayjay i mean. Why do i have an issue saying pussy? I mean it's the same shit right?)
the only case when deforestation is cool

how do yall keep it?

fellas: how do yall like it?
a lil landing strip?lol
slightly bushy?
or are u of the 'don't mess with perfection' variety?

dirty talk in the bedroom:
are there limits?
should there be limits?
im sayin...
if u can call me a bitch, why can't i call u one
no foul
What can the other person just not say?
what words will get u hot in a second?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Hairy Situation

i don't shave down there
not at all
it's not that hairy anyway
i mean what's the point
noone's gon see it

my legs are pretty much always covered up

im bein an ass
This post is about hair a lil further up

no we're still not talkin bout the vajayjay
(altho, while we're on the subject, how many of yall have gotten it waxed? How was it?)

Back to the real intent of this friggin post

The hair on my damn head

I came into this world with a head full of hair

and it went downhill from there
(well until i decided to go natural but whatever. That comes later)

When i said i was practically bald in junior high
That is no friggin exaggeration
only slight hyperbole

Just to make you see how sad it was, I got excited when the back of my hair reached halfway neck length
oh man
and my bangs that were not bangs
(fuckin bastards it's not a bang that's just how short my hair is)
when my bangs reached my eyebrows,
Tell me why i was hype??!??!?! SMH

Then in the summer before highschool i discovered weave
not the sew in kind
cuz i couldnt handle that one yet
but the ghetto bobby pin in a ponytail
you know the kind i'm talkin bout
The one where the tail don't match the rest of the damn horse

(i see yall givin me the face)
but you couldn't tell me NOTHIN
i thought i was stylin yall
Eventually i managed the art of actually making sure the weave matched my damn hair
I still don't understand how it was possible but i managed to wear the same exact weave throughout my sophmore year of highschool
(i washed it bastards)

Anyway my dumbass continued with the stupidity
Yall ladies know how yall supposed to perm between every 6-8 weeks or some crap like that?
Well apparently i aint get the memo
i saw some newgrowth and tried to tame it right quick

I really had no idea what i was doing and it showed
with my bald-headed ass

Then the lord commanded me to......
but i did come across a haircare site
and i did me some reading

From that edumacation i knew i'd have to start from scratch basically if i wanted to actually maintain some damn hair on my head

but i was fighting it
me? cut all my damn hair off??!?!?!?!!?
(yes i know
ur saying "Bitch you was already bald!! What's the problem??!?!!?!?")
Well almost-bald and bald are two different things
ask Donald Trump
You will work wit them last two strands and swear up and down ur cute
Well this aint the Simpsons and i aint Homer up in this bitch

I decided i'd go natural
(when i first decided to go natural it was just for the sake of growing my hair. I planned on perming it as soon as i saw me some length)
i let my hair be for three months than chopped off the permed ends

I went into the bathroom grabbed me some scissors and some conditioner and started
cutting before i could change my mind

Glad i did that

So here i am
goin on two years since i chopped
a year since i actually figured out what the hell i was doing
a few trims
3 cuts
and i can honestly say i don't plan on perming again
(i aint got nothing against yall permed sistahs,
or brothers *side eye*)

but this is what works for me
I for sure still am close friends with weave
that's my buddy right there

but my afro is my numero uno road dawg

Say hi to the napps everybody

oh and say hi to the ole haitian immigrant
This is him when i first moved back to bk 2 1/2 years ago

This is him now
(in the middle of some bootleg mackin story again)

He tries to say the weight gain is because of the stress i caused him
Can somebody please tell his ole ass
he should be lucky i moved back in with him bcuz he was lookin a lil skeletorish
I saved his life dammit
he was damn near on his death bed before i came along