Because you leave me no choice

Think I met the love of my life last night. Sure he was a 5'5", gay, Asian dude, but I swear the stars aligned when we danced


A friend once described my dancing as watching soul train, a raunchy music video and stomp the yard all in one
I'll take it

I like to dance
Correction
I love to dance

I dance because music leaves me no other choice

It is rarely pretty
Often scary
Veers to the ridiculous more times than I can count
But
My soul
It Smiles, when I move to the music

so yeah
expanding on date night
I had met him at some lounge the previous week. We exchanged numbers. I called him because im a modern woman and all that jazz (insert side eye)
look. I was bored

 i informed him when he came to pick me up that I had sent his number and likeness to atleast 2 people and had also sent a pic of his license plate number because "if you finna kill me tonight, you might wanna reconsider"
I was only half joking

 I did send the number and license number tho

I watch 20/20 bitch

besides he's from the bronx (yes. that was indeed shade)

I had a fun night. Not sure if there was any real chemistry but that's alright too
needed to get my crotch uh i mean feet
needed to get my feet wet

Conversation was interesting enough. No earth shattering revelations. No deep dark secrets were spilled.
Drinks, however ...(but ill get to that later)
I tend to overshare because i may have psychological issues
okay my therapist said i do have psychological issues

scene 1: we're at the bar. he's ordering drinks. Hands me mine and says "don't worry i didn't slip you a rufie", which gets me thinking on rufies and 20/20 (yes i have a problem)
So i do three seconds of maniacal laughter followed by an abrupt stop and penetrating glare. He looked as uncomfortable as i had felt the moment before so ...
all was well with the world (i did mention that i'm an ass right)

scene 2: We're dancing, talking, somehow we get to the subject of working out. He tells me he benches and squats (insert magic number intended to impress)
Then proceeds to try and pick me up dirty dancing style and succeeds in only getting me three inches off the ground
Fuck his masculinity and shit
Negro you aint gon have me feeling like i weigh a thousand lbs bitch
step them weights up



scene 3: I go to get my jacket from coat check and as im walking away, i slip and spend four uncomfortably long seconds trying to catch my balance
went something like this:
Im not gonna fall
Im not gonna fall
Houston we have a problem!
mayday!!!
mayday!!!
and then i landed on my ass

ofcourse my damn companion for the night was not there to catch me
I mean he was six feet away but hows that supposed to help me?
So when he mad his way over and offered me a hand I brushed it away, stood up and said
"Why weren't you here?!?! Why didn't you save me?!?!"
We both burst out laughing



Scene 4: We head to a diner to grab some breakfast cause a bitch has dietary needs.
We're chatting it up, laughing. Talking about our lives
I mention the virgin thing and negro gets this deer caught in headlights look in his eyes like i just said
" let's go to the courthouse and commence to making babies"
chill man
chill

So...went on my first date in (insert embarrassingly long period of time here)
* met him when I had my flats on. Forgot that until we met up and I was rocking six Inch heels (cue fear of looking transvestitish) ugh. Very happy the midget negro could dance. I hate when men cant fucking dance. Just something about a man who can move well that triggers the most delicious of lustful thoughts (that of course My punk ass didn't act on) He tried to lean in for one of those bootleg movie kisses but I just pretended I ain't see shit. Ten minutes later he went in for a second attempt. I just leaned in seductively,rubbed his head and whispered in his ear "nice try bruh" I'm an ass
I was not Provided the book on game nor did I purchase the damn pamphlet. I was my fucking everyday self (which is probably why I can't get a man. Lol)
So let's see. I let loose one of the most Unsexy belches at dinner (yes belching can be sexy), I challenged him to a dance battle where I proceeded to look possessed as possessed can be ( eyes rolled into the back of my head for most of that time), apparently matching him drink for drink was a sign that I was an alcoholic, and I tripped and did the most awkward slow fall you ever did see in your life. I'll expand later