voices from beyond

Otherwise known as
i did not write this shit
otherwise known as guest blogger crap

You'll see one of these every thousand years







I logged into my FB account and my good friend asks me if I know of any places hiring. Hell No! You see my phone is off! How am I supposed to know of any prospective jobs if I cant even keep up with the cheapest phone plan out there? This phone company is even kinder because it cheerfully lets my callers know that my broke ass has been DISCONNECTED. Fully ensuring and entombing me in the shame and embarrassment that has been following me for the past...heck I lost count. Spent my last $20 on cigs. Fuck you if you're judging. That $20 wouldnt have paid for my phone bill and I aint going nowhere anytime soon. "blows smoke out in non-seductive way* It could have been worse. I could have bought the cigs and some cheap vodka. This has been done before but Im one of those "social drinkers" and I cant call anyone to "socialize" with. You can now see the dilemma.

Two things about the smoking. a) I used to be part of Truth. You know that anti-smoking campaign with the super lame super dumb commercials? I was all up in that. Did the marches, worked the field, went to events. Now I tell my peoples it was anti-teen smoking and Im an ADULT but they're not having it.
b) I started smoking with my ex's child's mother the day she came over to my house and told me his snakelike ways. Not that Im blaming her of course, she's a new close friend and smoking in my family is a rite of passage. Like becoming bankrupt.

So here I am post breakup and broke. Surprisingly enough I have a Valentines Day date. Even had 3 offers. This guy is not even my type. READ=Not a LOSER. I guess things are looking up compared to the past several years with my unromantic husband and the slew of nimrods before him. V day Date tells me to dress up in a state that surpasses Applebees wear (Do I HAVE anything to wear that bests Applebees? He's giving me too much credit!) And he will be picking me up in a motor vehicle which I am quite sure has no outstanding warrants and tickets on it. *takes a shot of Absolut* Things are looking up my people! Wish me luck!

stream of consciousness

niggas wanna play at shit like its a fuckin game
not takin time to realize that this world
for some
is little more than the streets
that hollow
like the barrel of that gun from which bullets expelled
like bullets ringing
aimed at life
hearts stopped
fists clenched
guerilla warfare
playin at being gangsta when they had a choice
heart hardened years of pain
daddy gone
village burned
women raped
crack epidemic
sweeping streets
six siblings nothing to eat
pick ur motherfuckin side nigga
somehow evolved into blood in blood out
i aint had no fuckin choice nigga
needed someone to have my back nigga
cuz wasn't nobody there
but you wanna play like u know life on the streets
like you can recall
those cold rainy days
as u slept on that parkbench cuz home
home was little more than four walls
behind which
the most gruesome shit went down
mama spreading legs for that next hit
visiting daddy behind them prison walls
wachya know bout pain nigga
wachya know bout
nothing in the fridge but water
and bread
wachya know bout
water and cereal cuz u couldnt afford no damn milk
children lined up waiting on relief
rice and cornmeal to get you thru the week
tell me when you saw your brother get shot down
bullet between the eyes
when you held his body couldnt hardly make out his damn head
tell me motherfucker
tears streaming down cuz now
now u really are alone
cuz u playin at shit that i done experienced
seen
no need for rap lines, video games, movie screens
were u there?
did you see the carbomb go off
did you see the bodies fall
hear the ringing of bullets
feel your soul leave
as you heard the thud
of his 6 foot four frame
hitting the concrete floor
body parts amidst ash and rubble
choose a side nigga they said
i didnt have no fuckin choice
soldier
didnt wanta be
had the choice wouldnt wanna be
but the choice was taken from me
choose sides nigga
blood in blood out nigga

Insert nonsensical crap here

so......
wat's new?

ive been getting out more?
uh
I dont even really have shit to say
um uh
I got a new bootleg weave

I honestly walked my black ass into the store and took the cheapest/curl-like shit i could get
8.99 a pack baby
dont judge me
I forgot the shit wasnt human hair for a second(i usually get the human one but im doin this protective challenge thing where i keep my hair weaved up or braided for the better part of a year...uh that shit adds up n its a recession hence the 8.99 hair weave. DONT FUCKIN JUDGE ME DAMMIT)
anyway where was i
yeah i forgot it wasnt human hair n my dumbass went and tried to curl it with a curling iron
weaveologist fail
the front crap is all crinkly crackly



meh
its being switched out in a month anyway
no biggie smalls


Hmmm
what else
I'm on a 'eat better so u look good for ur damn birthday' meal plan
This is not a New Years Resolution despite what my brother might tell u
Three comments in the past coupla weeks about the extra poundage (sounds dirty right?)
The first was to the effect that i was eating good(otherwise known as i can see the imprint of the bigmacs struggling to burst free of ur body)- this from my best friend's pops
Some old bag at church who told me i was at the edge of a cliff ready to jump into obesity ocean (well not quite like that but thats wat the fuck i heard)
and the third from the ole haitian immigrant who keeps bringin up long lost Bally memberships in conjunction with boyfriendlessness (cue 10-second long side eye)

Now
i was good today
sorta
two salads(with a lot of dressing, but dont even come out ur face n say anything)
2 fruits
a granola bar
orange juice/apple juice/and water drinks of choice
Tomorrow is not even promised so i aint even gonna front like ima be good tomorrow
dont give me that damn look
okay
okay
dammit
ill try



i said id fuckin try
its not like i pushed u off ur land and tried to kill ur tree god or nothing
fall back

Update

both my uncles and aunts and their kids on my dad's side are ok
Spoke to my cousin via skype
Told her she looked a damn mess
She said, and i quote, "I've been through an earthquake.Wats your excuse?"
lol
Bitch got jokes

Their houses are damged pretty badly and theyre staying at a different location
My dad's house that he was going to retire to suffered some damage as well
but it's still standing
My aunt's place of work basically fell down around them but she made it out
I'm so grateful for all ur prayers
I was hoping for the best but honestly i was imagining the worst


Still havent heard from my mom's side of the family yet
My uncle went into Port-au-Prince on business and we havent heard anything
Sigh
We've been trying to get in contact with friends and family
Askin folk if they can check on others and stuff
The road conditions arent that great in the best of times so.....


I'm gonna just keep hoping for good news
Praying that Haiti can get thru this
If it's one thing i know the Haitian people are, it's resilient and proud (yeah that was 2 things.sue me)

the first, and the only, successful slave revolt in the history of the world.
(no pact with the devil needed. Pat Robertson needs to sit his ole ass down somewhere. quoting the devil and shit like he got access to HELL TV transcripts)


We got the heart man
just need a helping hand



Now get off ur asses and do something
I'm watching you

Wat if....?

The what if's are playing in my mind and i'm really trying to not think about it
If i do, ill cry
and i won't be able to stop
so i pray
hope
that everything is....ok
ill be happy with ok
with alright
haven't heard from the fam yet
can't contact anyone
shit sounds bad
My dad was supposed to be in Haiti today
I fucked up his ticket and scheduled the wrong flight date
so he's at work right now
He would've been in Port Au Prince right now instead
They say everything happens for a reason
I'd be feeling this way times 5 million if he was down there
sigh
Can we get a fuckin break?!?!?
Can Haiti get a fuckin break?!?!??
Please



Help Haiti Earthquake Relief Donate $5 by texting YELE to 501501
Send some prayers/wellwishes/positive thinking my folks way

So.....

i'm just lookin out the window when she asks me
the same damn question she asks almost every time i see her
"So. you gotta man yet?"
(Really tho??!?!?)
me:*sighs* No
her:you sure? You better let me know if you do cuz if you go around tellin people you're not seeing someone and u end up pregnant....well people are gonna think you sleep around...you're a ho. u know what i mean?
me:*grimace* I'm grown. When i get a man you'll be the 2nd person to know.ok? I don't have to hide anything. I think at the age of 24, i can safely assume noone's gonna be alarmed.
(enter awkward silence)
"Do any guys try to talk to you...ask you out?"
(oh thnx mom. your doin wonders for my self esteem here.)
"yeah.sometimes"
(drop it already old bag. No need to beat a dead horse. I'm single and my ovaries are shriveling up as i speak.got it)
she looks over quizzically

"It doesnt go anywhere" *shrugs*
one minute later
"Do girls try to talk to you?"
(rolling eyes into the base of my skull)
"yeah.Sometimes"

Why's she staring into my eyes like that?
"What do you do?"
(I usually just say yes. "I'd love to be your lesbian lover" takem home and showem a good time)
the hell u think i say?
"uh.I say thnx for the compliment and keep it moving"
"oh.ok"

siiiiiiiiiiiigh




happy new year everyone
here's to hoping these types of conversations between the moms and i will cease



(just finished going thru old posts and realize that i miss yall guys)
come back
u can blame it all on me
lol

its.that.time.of.year.again

happy.holidays
I.dont.cele6rate.Christmas
I.do.however,accept.gifts
have.no.pro6lem.with.cash.and.gift.cards

dont.6e.surprised.if.i.show.up.for.Christmas.dinner
I.crash.those.too
just.have.an.extra.pace.setting

oh.i.like.cheesecake
have.some.waiting

Have.you.6een.less.extravagant.with.the.gifts.this.year.6ecause.
of.the.economic.downturn


a.few.folk.have.said.theyre.getting.me.something
shhhhhhh
id.rather.they.not
that.means.i.have.to.get.their.asses.shit
I.always.give.6etter.shit.than.i.receive
thats.not.sayin.much
i.get.shit.like:
pens
keychains
plastic.flowers
no.lie


folk.say.shit.like
"it's.ok..u.don't.have.to.get.me.anything"
suuuuuuuuuuuure
emotional.6lackmail.follows.shortly.thereafter

Is.that.not.in.the.Christmas.spirit
oh.well
dont.get.me.cheap.shit.just.cuz.i,said.i.dont.cele6rate.it
dont.get.me.shit.then


6ah.hum6ug
Santa.is.a.drunk.trespassing.slo6
he.gon.get.ro66ed.at.knife.point.if.he.comes.down.my
invisi6le.chimney


then.ima.auction.off.the.gifts
That.fat.man.owes.me

wonder.wat.santa.was.doin.that.year.u.didnt.get.ur.gift
wonder.no.more