Bleh
ive been going through youtube vids all afternoon and im seriously contemplating doing the big chop again.
I feel like i need a damn change
and cutting my hair is a heck of a lot easier than losing those extra 20 lbs
we'll see
either that or ima start rockin some gangsta ass long poetic justice braids


Ima be headed to the bowery poetry club tomorrow night for 8pm if anyone's down


ive been tryna write but my head's not in it right now

To be honest, im sorta fuckin depressed
please dont give me no bullshit about how it could be worse
I know that
lemme wallow in this self pity shit right now because that's where i need to be

tho it would help if you wanted to tell me the shit u got goin wrong in ur damn life
or buy me a drink


im bout to go listen to some Luther

Life

Said she lived life with no thought to consequences
Her journey dedicated to risk
Her body, an intricate mural,
besides it'd make it easier to identify her when the time came
Death visited her every night in her dreams
So she spent her every waking moment chasing it

Can i Live?

i'm just lookin out the window when she asks me
the same damn question she asks almost every time i see her
"So. you gotta man yet?"
(Really tho??!?!?)
me:*sighs* No
her:you sure? You better let me know if you do cuz if you go around tellin people you're not seeing someone and u end up pregnant....well people are gonna think you sleep around...you're a ho. u know what i mean?
me:*grimace* I'm grown. When i get a man you'll be the 2nd person to know.ok? I don't have to hide anything. I think at the age of 24, i can safely assume noone's gonna be alarmed.
(enter awkward silence)
"Do any guys try to talk to you...ask you out?"
(oh thnx mom. your doin wonders for my self esteem here.)
"yeah.sometimes"
(drop it already old bag. No need to beat a dead horse. I'm single and my ovaries are shriveling up as i speak.got it)
she looks over quizzically

"It doesnt go anywhere" *shrugs*
one minute later
"Do girls try to talk to you?"
(rolling eyes into the base of my skull)
"yeah.Sometimes"

Why's she staring into my eyes like that?
"What do you do?"
(I usually just say yes. "I'd love to be your lesbian lover" takem home and showem a good time)
the hell u think i say?
"uh.I say thnx for the compliment and keep it moving"
"oh.ok"

siiiiiiiiiiiigh
................................................

I'm sitting infront of the television talkin to the ole haitian immigrant
a conversation that includes such fascinating topics as chubby chasers, murderers, bestiality, homosexuality, mangoes and me being a lesbian


No you did not miss any revelation
I am still (as of now) straight
Apparently i defend the gays too damn hard
and that never had a man by the age of 26 thing (a brief foray into dating during grade school yrs doesnt count)
and that hypothetical story i started with " Well if you caught me in bed with a woman,"
My dad was like "Aha. I knew it."

fuck my life

I'm not gay old ass buzzard
im just hopelessly romantically awkwardly (not that cute awkward either) retarded
and the fellas i want aint checkin for me
and the ones checkin for me, i dont want

I'm starting to think i have a problem
did i mention im fuckin 26. give or take a few mnths (turn 26 in july)
folk getting engaged, married, impregnated, doin the impregnating every other damn second
and i can't get a man
much less keep me one

To the point that

MY OWN FUCKING PARENTS THINK IM GAY

aint that some sad shit
every time the word gay is mentioned in a news cast, movie, conversation, commercial
my dad looks at me to see if this is the damn moment ima choose to say
"Suprise bitches"

...

i loved him
and left him
then cut him
and kept him

in a jar


under my bed

Offering

My friend found out last year that her mom had cancer
She found out last week that her mother has a few weeks left to live

I can't offer much but
awkward hugs and thoughtful silences
because sometimes you don't want to speak

sweaty palms to clutch when you feel you've not enough strength to see you through even five more minutes of your day
a shoulder to catch falling tears
Inappropriate jokes and boisterous laughs to cut through pain
i listen to a soul lay bare
fears that there's not nearly enough time to apologize for hurtful words

Arrrrrr.I hate you right now

So really Dell
360 dollars
the hell
The plan was to post atleast 3 times a week
My computer is on strike
It works only when the ac adapter is plugged in and the battery is taken out...sometimes
That dont make a bit of sense
smh
Did i mention ive had this computer for less than a damn year
360 bucks
i could buy a whole new fuckin computer and buy me a damn snickers bar (im fiendin for them currently)

random tandem

remember when chicks in videos were ur average round the way cute chick

i miss that


obvious ass product placement annoys the fuck outta me


be a little more discreet



his name,
i can't recall at the moment
his ass,
will live on in infamy

Guy at the gym who i've only seen that once and who has yet to return
save me


I need friends who aren't tryna pimp me out to every Tyrone, Derrick, and Hakim who shows any bit of interest in me

I'm quite appreciative of the fact that my friends consist of many a midget.lol
Just makes me appear that much more statuesque




too bad for them tho
my boobs are inevitably in one of those bitches faces or... who the hell am i kidding??

i don't care


working on bootleg crap


id like to think im unique
but it wouldnt take but 4 seconds to profile me.
like my issues are fuckin profound

they might be

but they're also despicably common
and i'm one for boasting "im special"
words to fortify spirit that begged for some protein supplements.

She'll remain stoic in the face of jeers,
but cry tears of frustration over lost shoes
cuz even inanimate objects tend to fail her too

no suitor to climb a ladder that never rested outside her window sill
devoured trashy romance novels and Cosby show reruns like love began somewhere between yellowed pages and tv hugs

looked around to see if anyone could hear her heart beating eratically
Envisioning of passionate kisses somehow more lewd than any pornographic scene she'd stumble upon those late nights tryna figure what love would be like

Did this negro just.......

I stood there, bottom lip inches from the floor, purple thong in hand, lookin confused as all hell

Did this negro just proposition me?
*looking around to make sure he wasn't talkin to someone else"
The hell!?!?!?!
Not that i've never been propositioned before mind you (if you look halfway to female, some dude has tried to holla), but i refused to believe it
First off i'm pretty sure dude was born before the invention of the steam engine (one of your great grandpappys has probably tried to holla, thats not where the confusion comes in)
Second of all, Ain't your ass gay gay???!?!
He must've read my mind because the next words that came out his mouth were "I'm not gay"
I stood there trying to wrap my head around it
Mind you this negro looked like Paul Mooney and Little Richard had a baby...girl...in the year of our Lord 1503


I started thinking about all the times i went to the laundromat and he'd be smiling at me and kissing my hand and switching his skinny jean encased little butt past me
and he had the nerve to be straight

I felt bamboozled yall
I felt like he used my secret wish of a flamboyant gay fairy godmother against me
like a devious secret weapon

Blast it all to hell
is nothing sacred anymore?!?!?!?

i was gone for a minute now im back with the jumpoff

Testing... testing

The bitch is back
for real this time
Twitter could never replace this here love thing

So

I got new hairs







put on a few lbs (currently back at the gym cuz lookin like your smugglin human cargo ain't what's hot in these here streets)

been working on my writing...sorta

trying to enjoy life


What's it lookin like in your neck of the woods?