Music: vernacular of the soul


dj

Thursday, August 7, 2008

sigh

sorry folk
i been tryna get shit together
the funds aint quite lookin right for me to go to school next semester
tryna get a full time gig

my god sister's grandma passed last week
the funeral's saturday
sigh
she was the closest thing to a grandma i've had
not to disparage my real grandmothers or anything
i just didnt know them like that
i really am mad at myself that i didnt see her as much as i should have
especially close to the end
sigh
i cant even get into that crap right now
maybe later
im friggin tapped out emotionally




My mom is actin a damn mess again
well moreso than usual that is
Yo
Why did she have the nerve to lay hands on me yesterday?
ok
lemme tell it from the beginning
I had gone out with Fiona
to some club in the village cuz her friend was celebrating his birthday
got home late
like 6 something
watev
no big deal right?
WRONG
My moms had called that night and they told her i was out
so why'd this woman decide to call every hour on the friggin hour until 4 am to check if i'd gotten in?
Guess she stopped telephone stalkin me so she could get her ass to sleep and wake up for work in the damn morning
who but she calls later that afternoon
Did she ask where i was?
NO
Did she ask who i was with?
NO
Did she ask why i aint left a number to be reached?
NO
Honestly
it was really none of her damn business cuz i for sure dont live with her
and last time i checked i was grown but
What she decided to do was start the phone conversation out by callin me a slut bitch
Yeah
thatll work
so i told her i didnt have time for her crap right then and that i needed to get some sleep cuz i came in late
puahaha
there, a string of curses did follow from the other end
Im so tired of her for real
She followed up with a few more calls
all with some variation of ho/bitch/slut what have you
and her favorite phrase of late?
Were you out getting fucked in the ass?
(side note: whats with this new fascination with anal sex tho?Why not just getting fucked?hmmm.interesting)
lmaoooo
no
you have to hear her say it in the Haitian accent to get the full hilarity factor
(She always whispers that shit like she's afraid it's gone get picked up on some wire tap that the pastor had installed or something)
it's sad but it's funny
i dont know whether to laugh or cry when it comes to this chick
Lord knows i've done my fair share of both
So she came over to the house yesterday to see the boys and give my other brother his suit
I ignored her and went to get me some food from the kitchen
sigh
She proceeded to say i was a slut who went out clubbing every weekend and was probably fuckin every guy up in there
(ha
hardly)
and somehow i ended up with a string of boyfriends
an std or two
and oh
did i mention im pregnant?
smh
yes
thats how her warped mind works
We got to arguing and i told her about herself
words were exchanged
She tried to slap me
I moved out the way and her hand caught me in my shoulder instead

FOLK
it took all i had not to do some hoodrat shit
Im too threw with this broad

I'm done

She needs some damn psychological help and i cant make her get it
Ima just stay away before i do something ima regret


"I ain’t worried doin me tonight
A little sweat ain’t never hurt nobody"
I was for sure sweating
had to air out the girls a lil bit
had the afro puff too
sorry no pics
anyway i did have fun that night
here i go revisiting Diana's club etiquette tips
take heed folk
do not let the jokin manner fool you from the utter seriousness of my intent
lol


1) atleast ask a bitch to dance. DON'T JUST BE GRABBIN ON MY ARM MOTHERFUCKER. Liable to get your black ass killed.
(I aint gon lie tho. There was this one dude actin a damn fool, but he was cute and funny with his so i let it go. What you want me to say??He was good-lookin dammit. I'm allowed to make exceptions)

2) If i bless you with the opportunity to dance with yours truly, follow my lead. Read my friggin body language. I'll let you know how far ima go. Don't fuckin pull that shit on me you was doin to that heifa over there. No you tryna bend me over and shit.
(I was dancing with this dude and all was good until some reggae come on. I mean i got bootleg hype too cuz dj had kinda killed the mood playing some slow ass American Gansta joint for too long so when the reggae beat came on I was ready to do my thing. This motherfucker however, thought it was the perfect time to assault me with his hips. Fuck man. Where the finesse at? I got my heels on and shit. Calm the hell down. Jack rabbit ass. (How much you wanna bet that's how he is in the bedroom the no signal-reading, flo jo hip-movin, premature ejaculatin-sucka)
So i just had to flip it on him and give him somea that shit back on some "yeah nigga. what u want?" type mess. I think he kinda got scared.Didn't know what the hell to do. Serves his ass right.

3) If you can't dance, what bizness you have askin me? You aint gotta be no Fred Astaire or nothing. But PLEASE. Stop stompin all over my feet. Sure they a size 10.5Don't mean they don't feel pain idiot

4) As evidenced above if you're cute and funny or not so cute and funny, you can get away with more shit. Not if you think your funny. Only if you actually make me laugh. Otherwise proceed with caution.

5) You just look a fool standing all the way over there glancing at me every five seconds. You wanna dance? ask. Don't be doin that stalker shit. It aint a good look. What you want me to do? Go over there and ask you? uh huh. So you really aint gon ask a sistah to dance but wanna stare all night? Whatever do you. Just don't try no mess when i'm tryna take my ass home. I got a tazer in my purse. Well maybe i do, maybe i don't. Do you really wanna take that chance?

6) Just cuz we was dancing does not mean i am now your girlfriend, fuck buddy, or wifey. Needy ass, attachment-disorder motherfucker
The song is over. You can leave me alone now. Why the hell you mean-muggin cuz i'm dancin with this dude?


have a good day folk

39 public opinion:

Kandi Black said...

all i can say is...

u are so f*cking hilarious...lol

Demon Hunter said...

Wow. So you're closer to your dad I take it? I cannot imagine not being able to get along with my mom or dad, although I'm closer to my mom. I wish you luck with that, girl. Mayeb you could suggest family counseling, but your mom would have to want to go. :-)

Desy said...

damn- that verbal abuse is ridiculous... but i have met my fair share of crazy haitian women and i will definitely be prayin that she has caused permenant damage to you or your psyche

lmao at the boy rules for dancin in the club scene... i have no words, and no longer even care... i just do my solo thing cause i can't handle to stupidity of it all...

Stew said...

i could not imagine life without my mom. then again i have no clue how i would react if my mom went off the deep end like that. the restraint that you showed means you still have respect for your mom, which is a good thing. i guess you always have to remember that she does the things that she does because she loves you. at least that is what i am hoping.

i know i am guilty of a few of those infractions you listed. i can not remember the last time i asked someone to dance. its too loud for all that.

1/3 said...

wow I have no words for your mom. I'm glad you kept your cool. I bet she felt real stupid afterwards lol

Anyways those club tips are hilarious! I hate guys that think its ok to bend you over! Everybody dont like that!! well at least i dont anyway lol

RealHustla said...

Hang in there girl. Crazy moms can be a trip. Makes you wonder why wisdom hasn't kicked in with age. Don't swing her or nothing though cause then everyone will probably forget anything she's ever done to you.

Eb the Celeb said...

um.. mom is pretty whacky huh... dang... I'm speechless... like the saying goes... you can choose ya friends but ya cant choose ya family so try to hang in there missy

SistaSocialite said...

I soo agree with Eb...family can be extra difficult to deal with, but that's the thing... you gotta deal. Hope everything works out for you chica!

mizchif said...

Crazy is wat u r!!!

Well, @ least u had fun, b4 u had to come home to ur mum, so.......

Anyways, like Eb said, u really can't choose family, my mumm also tells me that when we have our blow outs, so u just have to deal.

As for ur clubbing rules, dese days, i try as much as possible to stick with dancing with my girls cuz i don't need no "sticking" when all i'm trying to do is dance.
And i so hate it when niggie doesnt know how to just leave, the song is over already dammit!

And besides, we're not together, so wats with the proprietary arm around me for.

12kyle said...

keep your head up. things will get better.

lmao @ dudes tryna bend yo ass over.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

handle yours folk, we will be here

Kieya said...

wow
why are parents so extra?
my grandmother would be the type to pull some "u must be f-in every dude out there" type mess.

I absolutely HATE when guys just grab you when you're walking by in the club. yuck! you don't know me playa, back UP.

and that whole, tryin to bend girls over to dance - no, i don't get down like that homie, stop it.

*sigh*

the things guys do sometimes...honestly

Pajnstl said...

whew where to start...
(((hugs)) even though I know your mean ass is prolly like I don't do hugs LOL

You talking bout getting a fulltime job... I damn near need a SECOND job to go to school...

Yo mom's is lucky.. I saw that ass-whooping waiting for her ass and i'm in da lou.

DEAD @ you club rules! LOL

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

El Em Ay Oh! @ the club!

Ess Em Dee Aych @ your mom!

Sha Boogie said...

Wow.

Damn..

Serious??

That shit is crazy! My ex is Haitian (sak pase!..LOL) so, I know a thing or two about the hilarious accent and freaking when the kids are doing their 'american thing' --but that...wow.

Sorry to hear it..

Roddykat said...

Don't be mad, sometimes life goes there unintentionally. At least you did see here and had good memories, right?

(*HUG*) Hope you felt that. And don't be kickin' folk. And sorry about your moms, hon. That's some ole bull!

Here for ya, do remember.

Super Dave Van Buren said...

lol.. I love rules that can be ignored if a person is funny or cute. That's the one bit of advice I passed to my cousins. Get the girl laughing.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

ah, the memories of when i used to go out dancing. i feel old now. thanx. your mom will be ok..eventually. be patient, you only have one

Dope Like Louboutins said...

Sorry to hear about your friend's loss.
I'm so over drama with mothers, esp. when you're not even in their house anymore...just gotta deal with it sometimes though.

lol @ the club chronicles..sounds like good times minus the stepping on the feet and grabbing of the arms. One time for the big footed gals I wear a 9.5/10 ^5

Freaky Deaky said...

I can't imagine my mom saying things like that to me. Although knowing me I'd probably give her some answers she wasn't expecting and really didn't want to know. People say I'm special. LOL!

I hate being stared at, especially if you're going to keep staring at me and not say anything. It's creepy as fuck.

Anonymous said...

What the deuce? I suspected your mom was wilding but not to that extent. She's worried you're out there but she's mixing it with some insanity (no offense but you know how I get about my friends) and that's some abuse ish right there! I believe what you were saying about her now...I'll hit you on Facebook....
Did Fiona dance?
And 6am in the morning!? I wish...being married has be trapped like a hermit.
lol @ you getting your freak on, Fiona said you can move. Teach me...CHANELL

Keli said...

How are you going to just go into Get Me Bodied following all that...

that sounds rough. You're a good girl...and sometimes the good girls are the ones that have to deal with the unnecessary ridicule and accusations...

and when you said laid hands on you...I imagined anointing oil.

The Jaded NYer said...

oh wow! girl I'm sorry moms is going off for no real reason, but I'm glad you were able to maintain.

mine likes to pull the silent treatment nonsense, and I'm like "only person you're hurting is you.. I'm not losing sleep over you not calling me!" lol

and school... if you miss a semester it's not the end of the world. It will always be there. do what you need to do :-D

Urban Thought said...

SMH... Why is she buggin? Not to talk bad about your moms but she needs fall back. You're grown.

As for the club... LOL

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

there are so many things I could quote here..
but I'll quote this
"flo jo hip-movin, premature ejaculatin-sucka)"
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

sad case with your mum..I hope you are able to work your way around it

arychtexas said...

ONE OF MY X GIRL FRIEND MOMS WAS LIKE THAT! I COULDNT STAND HER MOMMA...SO I FEEL YA SISTA

(vixenchick) said...

um..your mom is kind of out there...my mom's the same way except she doesn't ask me if im out getting fucked in the ass she always asks me "whos dick have i out been out sucking"...drama drama..

dejanae said...

thnx for the feedback folk
preciate it

Nobelle said...

Oh.
My.
Damn.

I can't stop laughing at your club incidents, lmao.

Hope you're doing well...

James Tubman said...

there is nothing in this world like big mammas love

when my big mamma died 2 years ago the tears just kept flowing

that woman helped to raise at least 100 children in my family

she was always there

and i thought she would always be there no matter what

i understand completely what you ae going through

Maria said...

re: your tips for clubbing... W.O.R.D.

Dudes be pushin up on me somethin' awful, sayin they heard stuff about me and ish... just cuz I'm not a virgin don't mean I'm a whore, dude. get it straight.

but yeah. you definitely had me laughing!

re: your moms. *sigh* what can I say? most of us and our moms just ain't the Gilmore Girls.

CapCity said...

Yea, some folk we gotta love from a distance ... Hugz, Sis!

Thic Flair said...

good lawd. I need to login to messenger. We need to talk.

ms.uncensored said...

my moms be actin a damn fool sometimes too. but watevs. i love from a very far and safe respectable distance.

it absolutely blows my shit when these fuckers are too hype to pull u to dance but then haven't the slightest clue what to do with themselves. especially the little fools who think that banging the shit outta my ass is gonna get them anywhere.

oooo and happy belated bday hunny. i know im late but i hadnt been bloggin alot so sorry. :)

Ms. Lovely said...

wow @ mom dukes. she need to chillax.

the club..lmfao! too funny. I hate when a mofo don't take the hint after a couple songs. I don't wanna dance wit yo ass all night!

Yasmeen Christian said...

sigh
then
laugh

Rashan Jamal said...

Yeah, I would be done with moms after that one. You aint gonna berate and try to hit my grown ass.

Rashan Jamal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lovnlife said...

LMAO @ the club rules.

It'll all work out in due time.