bootleg serious time

sorry folk
ok
i know i look like a friggin liar
expounding on mama confession later today
remember
i love the lady
just can't stand her

assignment will be in by 4

new playlist goin up too

edit:pray for me
im cramping something awful

i swear i dont know how im supposed to make it thru labor
and my dumbass be talkin bout no drugs, no epidural and a natural vaginal birth
fuck that shit
can someone remove my friggin uterus and return it me once it stops actin an ass
thank you

I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When u gaze into my eyes
tell me wat is it that you see
They say the eyes
are the windows to the soul
Then brotha if so...
can u look past the rough edges
and hard lines
can you use your
superman
x-ray vision to see
wat truly lies behind
the gangsta swagga and rolling of eyes
the making of me
Can you see into years past
to that scratched up table in the back
where she sits
head bowed praying
sometimes internally and at others
quietly but out loud
asking the lord
and other times saying
Dear lord can you hear me
It's Diana
this life ain't always easy
the kids u know they tease me
have me sitting in the back alone
all
uneasy
can't quite figure out why they don't like me
must be cuz i aint got those timbs
or cuz my jeans are just too short for my limbs
could very well be cuz my jordans are two years old
this year got me beat down more than two-fold
and my home life you know its crazy
contemplated suicide
considered the maybes
didn't wanna go to hell
plus the voice in the bathroom said
put the razor down baby
So before you dismiss me
as a hardass bitch being pissy
look past the lies my mouth tells
search my eyes for that place where
truth
dwells



Me and moms were never close
never
She was and still remains a constant thorn in my side
I mean i love the old heifa i do
I DO
I REALLY DO
(tryin to convince myself)
nah
i care about her but
She has problems
Fisrt off, she was on that 'beat first, ask questions lata' plan
and damn it if i didn't get hit almost evryday
I'm tellin you
When i look back on it
I should so be a totally different person than i am
not to say that i'm not fucked up
cuz i for sure am
i'm just tryna move past it
Honestly its to the point where all i associate her with is drama
Soooooooooooon
She didn't play
discipline is all well and good
child abuse however is not a good look
okay. At first i just figured that's the way everybody's mama was
Especially the Haitians i knew
They wasn't gon have no lil kids disrespectin them
ya dig?
But my moms was on a whole nother level altogether
I aint tryna rehash childhood trauma so i'll just say
she grabbed whatever she could and beat like she thought she was stomping out the devil
Now to be fair
Ima let yall know she had it rough growin up
dad was a womanizer
outside kids out the wazoo
moms had other kids she couldnt really take care of like that
she was sent to live with an aunt
She was never one to open up
I had to piece shit together from convo with other family members
but basically her childhood was fucked up
(As an adult i see how this plays into her behavior
but understanding only extends so far tho)
First i had it figured that she'd turn 'normal' when i turned like thirteen or something cuz that's when
mosta the folk i knew stopped catching beatdowns
Then that didn't pan out
SO i said by fifteen Shit was gon change cuz i'd be damned if i'd be flinchin everytime chick came near me
That shit was gon stop
yeah that didn't work neither
Okay i know somea yall are probably wondering where is pops in alla dis
Well
that's all for today
my deadlines here
i'll finish this lata
probably tomorrrow
(most likely the day after)
i gotta lighten shit up

i love me some me

4000 U.S. troops dead
upwards of 80,000 Iraqi's dead

*moment of silence*


i probably wont get to that confessions crap til tonight
so here's something to tide yall over
see how much i love yall

what do u think makes u a good friend?
what do people usually compliment u on?
What is ur favorite body part? (show me urs and ill show u mine. lol)
write a bootleg ode to said bodypart
What is your best feature?
How many times do you check the mirror each day?
Are you a camera whore?

im bout to head to class
so im just showin my ass now


(and yes i'm wearing pants. bout to get my bootleg dance on. get ur mind out the gutter. real dancing)
and no i'm not setting the women's movemement back 50 years
lol


lmao
well not off
i wouldnt appreciate that

Ode to my ass
Youve been there with me thru thick and thin
literally
you've had my back thru beating after beating
sure u used to be a bit firmer and higher and ....
oh well
no use rehashing the past
i still love you
stretchmarks and all
a dimple here and there
like ur smiling back at me
as if we're sharing a personal joke
Baracka (<-her name; "yes we can baracka. yes we can" as im in the gym tryna sueeze out the last set of squats. lolll)
u be getting on my nerves sometimes
but really
its all love

edit:
(i tend to do a lot of this editting crap. Basically the post you see early on in the day will be different from the one u see later on. something else pops into my head
some other line sounds funnier
picture placement a bit off.
i'll just shut up now)

ever have that thin friend who complains that they're getting big and u just wanna tell them to shut the hell up?
damn anorexic hos fishing for compliments and shit
i'm not saying that's u Cha but....
(yes i know. anorexia is a serious illness. this blog aint pc. u'll survive. don't know if my political aspirations will tho)

Say hi to my friend Chanell


and her ass


yeah and what??!?!?! im pimpin ur ass out on blogspot
i couldnt have my ass out on a limb
besides
u let Spitzer see it for free
dont be actin a prude now
lollllll
u know i love you



(she's so cute when she tries to be gangsta)

Chanell has agreed to be a guest blogger everyonce in a frozen hell
(well not really. but she will. Chick is hilarious and she can write. i mean...I'd hit it, but she's already taken.ctfu )
i gotta live vicariously thru her cuz she's always with the drama
don't make a liar out of me Chacha

Goonies never say die, bitch

try to stick that line in regular conversation today
i for sure will
i fuckin love the Goonies
i dont think u understand
everytime it comes on television, i watch it
and guess what was on this morning?
yep

whaaaaat

This movie is so ingrained into my friggin whatevernahell that i woke up as soon as i heard this song

i mean i was actually sleeping
heard: good enough, for me it's good enough
and sat straight up
yep
it's like that

no hating please

just sing along
ayayayayaaaaaaaaaaaaa

lmao

this scene
it's love right here


i shoulda been a goonie son
u know they needed some color up in there
i guess they figured the Asian boy was enough affirmative action for one movie...lol
Why the asian boy had to be the one with all the gadgets tho? *side eye*
ida killed it


and when chick
was talkin about leave the coins cuz they was other folks dreams
ha
ida been like bitch please
see here
ima take this damn money and go
If they dreams aint come true yet
it aint bout to happen now


Yo how would a Goonies with black folk go?
oh thatd be pure comedy

Man
What would be this generation's Goonies?

Who in the world hasn't seen this movie?
Wherenahell u been?

not knowing the ins and outs of this movie is grounds for me no longer talking to a dude
gon be like: just fuck it man
we aint gon work
we're not compatible

so
here's some preliminary screening questions:

What is the name of the pirate with the hidden treasure?

a. One-Legged Larry

b. Pantless Pete

c. One-Eyed Willy

d. Longbeard

What is The Goonies motto?

a. Goonies never give up!

b. Goonies never say never!

c. Goonies never say die!

d. Goonies never eat pie!

What is the name of the family of bad guys?

a. The Fratellis

b. The Agnolottis

c. The Barbagallos

d. The Tibaldis

What is the name of the dance Mouth makes Chunk do before letting him into the Walsh's house?

a. The Dancing Donut

b. The Blubber Bounce

c. The Truffle Shuffle

d. The Tummy Wobble

Where does Rosalita find the jewels at the end of the movie?

a. In Mikey's pocket

b. In Mouth's mouth

c. In Mikey's marblebag

d. In Mikey's shoe

If you cannot answer atleast one of these questions correctly, you're just not cool enough to be hangin with me.
*pulling on my Goonies commemorative jacket*


(aside: gon finish up that confessions post tomorrow. Probably turn them into a few posts. Yall can suggest which ones i should talk on first and you can ask me any question you want no matter how personal u think it may be. ima answer. you can do this typa shit when u know you've led a pretty unremarkable life.lol)

Confessions

Rashan ur an ass
ive been bootleg confessing all week



here goes some other crap
ill expound lata
(thats sunday night or monday morning)
im just tryna get some crap in before the bootleg Saturday deadline is over

I almost killed Christmarlon

I avoid my fake god-daughter like a Flavor of Love casting call

I pick at my scabs (sexy huh?)
been doin it forever

I don't like my mother in the least(i do love her tho) *grimace*

I wore a thong for the first time last year (im always late with shit. But i just figured: who the hell wants to walk around with a constant wedgie?)

encouraged my lil brother to prance around in my mom's bras

hit him in the nuts with a belt

i've been suicidal

I am not too old to watch Clifford the Big Red Dog or Arthur

Everyonce in a while i'll try to do a bootleg cartwheel to the left
i can only achieve a cartwheel going to the right
dont ask me how that works
i dont friggin get it

I planned to run away from home at the age of 12. Got as far as the building door. Can't do much when u aint got no shoes on. That's what happens when you tell ur mother u gon run away. She said fine. go then. She took the shoes (smh. she said cuz she boughtem she'd be damned if i'd be running about in them shits) and i stood outside the door, barefoot and lookin a damn fool

I like PAX tv
(don't hate)

I have intimacy issues

I stuffed my bra in the 5th grade

I used to pull out my eyelashes

I am slightly addicted to trashy romance novels

I'm not discounting the possibility of cosmetic surgery in the future



I use humor to deflect from people getting to know the real me because i honestly think i'll disappoint if i'm "off"

I did the macarena last night

I don't think i even know who the real me is

The most expensive pair of shoes i've ever bought was 60 something dollars

That Beyond Belief: fact or fiction show had me fucked up

I love this song

happy good friday

I WAS GANGSTA WITH IT FROM DAY 1



chuuuuuuuch
This is my 'just came home from a long service' look
blessed but tired
(that aint a mustache by the way, thats just a shadow.lol)
i made it in with 2 minutes to spare
There was a youth meeting today
ima expound lata
happy good friday folk

what are yall thankful for?
did yall go to service?

Random Tandem

i talk too damn much
i cant help it
i love to hear myself speak
ill argue u down about the most mundane shit just becuz
i can never be wrong
i just cant
not because i don't want to
simply becuz it is not possible

My husband would wish atleast a thousand lil deaths upon me evryday

the makeup sex would be fyah tho
what?
all that passion....
im getting tingly just thinkin about it



he might not like my bootleg dirty talk tho
ima be like
yeah bitch
take that
who's ur mama
say my motherfuckin name
what??!?!?!
That's mistress Diana to you
now put on this here collar

nothing too hardcore
lmao
im not even playin
i know yall guys are like
"What kinda power trip is this bitch on?!?!?!?!?"
Don't worry
i'll return the favor

as long as he aint tryin nona that golden shower, dirty sanchez,type shit
and i refuse to do any position that could get my ass killed
or that i could get stuck in and have to worry bout explaining shit to the paramedics once they arrive




I have issues
i'm giving myself up til the age of 50 to get married
that's the real time limit
not an exaggerated one
Tho i will be mad as hell if i'm 50 and still a single virgin
That's not a friggin good look man
ima go hole myself up in some dark room in the attic and just start rocking gently back and forth. Im sure sometime later i'll commence to talkin to myself per usual.

You are fine just the way you are
So what ur ole dried up ass is still single
You fly girl
Come on. I aint tryna be stuck up here wit ur pathetic ass forever
Go do something man
Take a shower
change your dang drawers
get a makeover
OLILF here i come
(That's 'old lady i'd like to fuck' by the way)
That's it
You can do it
Now go do your damn hair
Dreds are cool and shit but i dont think that's the look you were going for



If worse comes to worse ima arrange me onea them green card marriages
What
You know how many Haitian folk tryna come over here?
OKay. Yall know i'd never actually do that shit right?
I know of two grown folk who have
Both them shits ended in disaster
Besides
I'm not really tryna marry a fresh off the boat Haitian
I mean i love my folk and all
but....
No thanks
Folk gon get mad when u tellem to cook their own damn meal every once in a while
Gon ask me why i cant hook up no Haitian dishes
Gon try to lay his hands on me when i inevitably curse his mother out for being an interfering bitch
(not to her face of course)

I laugh when i see a guy crying
even if i get up to the actual wedding ceremony
im liable to simultaneously point, laff and shake my head at him if dude starts droppin tears
okay i know we want dudes to be caring and sensitive and shit
thats nice
really it is
but ive never in my life cried tears of joy
so if he does, i'm straight clowning

I say i want an aggressive dude but i notice that i don't respond to an aggressive approach
makes no sense
but that's the way it is
I'd rather ease into it
the whole friends to lovers thing


I need a man with an ass
no pancake shit please
its not cute


can you make your booty clap?
i've tried
it's sad really
i can achieve the bootleg motion
but no bootleg sound
how do they do it??
can yall tell i got too much time on my damn hands?

Guys?
been to a strip club?
How was it?


oral sex
it's still sex right?
Sound like a dumbass question?
I think so
what the fuck @ folk getting down with th oral but saying they aint had sex
or actin all holier than though and talkin bout saving themselves
Bitch
I'd think having a dude's dick in your mouth would be about as intimate a moment as can be shared between two folk
Do you think someone should still call themself a virgin if they've had oral sex?


I was watchin Oprah one day and they was talkin bout these rainbow/lipstick parties
some shit like that they called it
girls wearin different shades of lipstick and
hole up
im bout to look it up forya


im back
A type of party where several girls wear a different color of lipstick then each proceeds to give one or more guys a blow job. The multiple of colors left on each guy's penis resembles a rainbow.
aint that some shit
(You know that's a white folk thing .lol
no offense to yall melanin-challenged folk.yall know u be doin some crazy shit. Yeah i know. us too)
just a mess


Question time
you know my virgin ass aint did shit
i gotta live vicariously through yall
get to answering
if u aint scared that is

that was a pathetic attempt at reverse psychology



the first time you had oral sex...
was it the same time you had actual sex?(for lack of a better term)
how old were you?
who with?
where?
used protection?
how was it?
how long did it last?
still talk to the person?

ever slept with a celebrity?
got kicked out of a club?
hired a stripper/exotic dancer?
been to a sex show?
solicited a prostitute?
solicited a gigolo?

edit:
some vajayjay talk
yesterday when i said i aint shaved i was talkin bout my legs folk
OKAY
im not all overgrown down there
(the vajayjay i mean. Why do i have an issue saying pussy? I mean it's the same shit right?)
the only case when deforestation is cool

Ladies:
how do yall keep it?

fellas: how do yall like it?
naked?
a lil landing strip?lol
slightly bushy?
or are u of the 'don't mess with perfection' variety?

dirty talk in the bedroom:
are there limits?
should there be limits?
im sayin...
if u can call me a bitch, why can't i call u one
no harm.no foul
What can the other person just not say?
what words will get u hot in a second?

Hairy Situation

i don't shave down there
not at all
it's not that hairy anyway
i mean what's the point
noone's gon see it

my legs are pretty much always covered up

puahahaha
okay
im bein an ass
This post is about hair a lil further up

no we're still not talkin bout the vajayjay
(altho, while we're on the subject, how many of yall have gotten it waxed? How was it?)

Back to the real intent of this friggin post

The hair on my damn head

I came into this world with a head full of hair


and it went downhill from there
(well until i decided to go natural but whatever. That comes later)

When i said i was practically bald in junior high
That is no friggin exaggeration
okay
only slight hyperbole
lol

Just to make you see how sad it was, I got excited when the back of my hair reached halfway neck length
oh man
pathetic
and my bangs that were not bangs
(fuckin bastards it's not a bang that's just how short my hair is)
Yo
when my bangs reached my eyebrows,
Tell me why i was hype??!??!?! SMH

Then in the summer before highschool i discovered weave
not the sew in kind
cuz i couldnt handle that one yet
but the ghetto bobby pin in a ponytail
you know the kind i'm talkin bout
The one where the tail don't match the rest of the damn horse



(i see yall givin me the face)
YEAH
THAT SAD
but you couldn't tell me NOTHIN
i thought i was stylin yall
Eventually i managed the art of actually making sure the weave matched my damn hair
I still don't understand how it was possible but i managed to wear the same exact weave throughout my sophmore year of highschool
(i washed it bastards)

Anyway my dumbass continued with the stupidity
Yall ladies know how yall supposed to perm between every 6-8 weeks or some crap like that?
Well apparently i aint get the memo
i saw some newgrowth and tried to tame it right quick

I really had no idea what i was doing and it showed
with my bald-headed ass

Then the lord commanded me to......
No
but i did come across a haircare site
Nappturality.com
and i did me some reading

From that edumacation i knew i'd have to start from scratch basically if i wanted to actually maintain some damn hair on my head

but i was fighting it
me? cut all my damn hair off??!?!?!?!!?
(yes i know
ur saying "Bitch you was already bald!! What's the problem??!?!!?!?")
Well almost-bald and bald are two different things
ask Donald Trump
You will work wit them last two strands and swear up and down ur cute
Well this aint the Simpsons and i aint Homer up in this bitch

I decided i'd go natural
(when i first decided to go natural it was just for the sake of growing my hair. I planned on perming it as soon as i saw me some length)
i let my hair be for three months than chopped off the permed ends

I went into the bathroom grabbed me some scissors and some conditioner and started
cutting before i could change my mind

Glad i did that

So here i am
goin on two years since i chopped
a year since i actually figured out what the hell i was doing
a few trims
3 cuts
and i can honestly say i don't plan on perming again
(i aint got nothing against yall permed sistahs,
or brothers *side eye*)

but this is what works for me
I for sure still am close friends with weave
What?
that's my buddy right there



but my afro is my numero uno road dawg

Say hi to the napps everybody









oh and say hi to the ole haitian immigrant
This is him when i first moved back to bk 2 1/2 years ago


This is him now
(in the middle of some bootleg mackin story again)

He tries to say the weight gain is because of the stress i caused him
Can somebody please tell his ole ass
he should be lucky i moved back in with him bcuz he was lookin a lil skeletorish
I saved his life dammit
he was damn near on his death bed before i came along