bootleg serious time

sorry folk
ok
i know i look like a friggin liar
expounding on mama confession later today
remember
i love the lady
just can't stand her

assignment will be in by 4

new playlist goin up too

edit:pray for me
im cramping something awful

i swear i dont know how im supposed to make it thru labor
and my dumbass be talkin bout no drugs, no epidural and a natural vaginal birth
fuck that shit
can someone remove my friggin uterus and return it me once it stops actin an ass
thank you

I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When u gaze into my eyes
tell me wat is it that you see
They say the eyes
are the windows to the soul
Then brotha if so...
can u look past the rough edges
and hard lines
can you use your
superman
x-ray vision to see
wat truly lies behind
the gangsta swagga and rolling of eyes
the making of me
Can you see into years past
to that scratched up table in the back
where she sits
head bowed praying
sometimes internally and at others
quietly but out loud
asking the lord
and other times saying
Dear lord can you hear me
It's Diana
this life ain't always easy
the kids u know they tease me
have me sitting in the back alone
all
uneasy
can't quite figure out why they don't like me
must be cuz i aint got those timbs
or cuz my jeans are just too short for my limbs
could very well be cuz my jordans are two years old
this year got me beat down more than two-fold
and my home life you know its crazy
contemplated suicide
considered the maybes
didn't wanna go to hell
plus the voice in the bathroom said
put the razor down baby
So before you dismiss me
as a hardass bitch being pissy
look past the lies my mouth tells
search my eyes for that place where
truth
dwells



Me and moms were never close
never
She was and still remains a constant thorn in my side
I mean i love the old heifa i do
I DO
I REALLY DO
(tryin to convince myself)
nah
i care about her but
She has problems
Fisrt off, she was on that 'beat first, ask questions lata' plan
and damn it if i didn't get hit almost evryday
I'm tellin you
When i look back on it
I should so be a totally different person than i am
not to say that i'm not fucked up
cuz i for sure am
i'm just tryna move past it
Honestly its to the point where all i associate her with is drama
Soooooooooooon
She didn't play
discipline is all well and good
child abuse however is not a good look
okay. At first i just figured that's the way everybody's mama was
Especially the Haitians i knew
They wasn't gon have no lil kids disrespectin them
ya dig?
But my moms was on a whole nother level altogether
I aint tryna rehash childhood trauma so i'll just say
she grabbed whatever she could and beat like she thought she was stomping out the devil
Now to be fair
Ima let yall know she had it rough growin up
dad was a womanizer
outside kids out the wazoo
moms had other kids she couldnt really take care of like that
she was sent to live with an aunt
She was never one to open up
I had to piece shit together from convo with other family members
but basically her childhood was fucked up
(As an adult i see how this plays into her behavior
but understanding only extends so far tho)
First i had it figured that she'd turn 'normal' when i turned like thirteen or something cuz that's when
mosta the folk i knew stopped catching beatdowns
Then that didn't pan out
SO i said by fifteen Shit was gon change cuz i'd be damned if i'd be flinchin everytime chick came near me
That shit was gon stop
yeah that didn't work neither
Okay i know somea yall are probably wondering where is pops in alla dis
Well
that's all for today
my deadlines here
i'll finish this lata
probably tomorrrow
(most likely the day after)
i gotta lighten shit up