Music: vernacular of the soul


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

bootleg serious time

sorry folk
i know i look like a friggin liar
expounding on mama confession later today
i love the lady
just can't stand her

assignment will be in by 4

new playlist goin up too

edit:pray for me
im cramping something awful

i swear i dont know how im supposed to make it thru labor
and my dumbass be talkin bout no drugs, no epidural and a natural vaginal birth
fuck that shit
can someone remove my friggin uterus and return it me once it stops actin an ass
thank you

I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch


When u gaze into my eyes
tell me wat is it that you see
They say the eyes
are the windows to the soul
Then brotha if so...
can u look past the rough edges
and hard lines
can you use your
x-ray vision to see
wat truly lies behind
the gangsta swagga and rolling of eyes
the making of me
Can you see into years past
to that scratched up table in the back
where she sits
head bowed praying
sometimes internally and at others
quietly but out loud
asking the lord
and other times saying
Dear lord can you hear me
It's Diana
this life ain't always easy
the kids u know they tease me
have me sitting in the back alone
can't quite figure out why they don't like me
must be cuz i aint got those timbs
or cuz my jeans are just too short for my limbs
could very well be cuz my jordans are two years old
this year got me beat down more than two-fold
and my home life you know its crazy
contemplated suicide
considered the maybes
didn't wanna go to hell
plus the voice in the bathroom said
put the razor down baby
So before you dismiss me
as a hardass bitch being pissy
look past the lies my mouth tells
search my eyes for that place where

Me and moms were never close
She was and still remains a constant thorn in my side
I mean i love the old heifa i do
(tryin to convince myself)
i care about her but
She has problems
Fisrt off, she was on that 'beat first, ask questions lata' plan
and damn it if i didn't get hit almost evryday
I'm tellin you
When i look back on it
I should so be a totally different person than i am
not to say that i'm not fucked up
cuz i for sure am
i'm just tryna move past it
Honestly its to the point where all i associate her with is drama
She didn't play
discipline is all well and good
child abuse however is not a good look
okay. At first i just figured that's the way everybody's mama was
Especially the Haitians i knew
They wasn't gon have no lil kids disrespectin them
ya dig?
But my moms was on a whole nother level altogether
I aint tryna rehash childhood trauma so i'll just say
she grabbed whatever she could and beat like she thought she was stomping out the devil
Now to be fair
Ima let yall know she had it rough growin up
dad was a womanizer
outside kids out the wazoo
moms had other kids she couldnt really take care of like that
she was sent to live with an aunt
She was never one to open up
I had to piece shit together from convo with other family members
but basically her childhood was fucked up
(As an adult i see how this plays into her behavior
but understanding only extends so far tho)
First i had it figured that she'd turn 'normal' when i turned like thirteen or something cuz that's when
mosta the folk i knew stopped catching beatdowns
Then that didn't pan out
SO i said by fifteen Shit was gon change cuz i'd be damned if i'd be flinchin everytime chick came near me
That shit was gon stop
yeah that didn't work neither
Okay i know somea yall are probably wondering where is pops in alla dis
that's all for today
my deadlines here
i'll finish this lata
probably tomorrrow
(most likely the day after)
i gotta lighten shit up

30 public opinion:

Demon Hunter said...

Was that Tracy Chapman singing? Interesting. Cool poem. :*)

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

dont every say u thought about killing yourself, for real?

12kyle said...

I've been thru 3 labors. It wasn't that hard for me. I don't think it'll be that hard. LMAO!!!

Seriously, the reward of having that child in your arms will far exceed the paid that you'll endure.

good post!

1/3 of what I used to be said...

LOL girl I know exactly how you feel about cramps! get your doctor to prescribe some medicine for you if they are too bad. I dont think any female deserves to be in pain like that once every month. Ok I'm done with that lol

Love the poem. I hope whenever a guy finds himself interested in me can see the good in me and not base his potential love for me on outwardly appearances. See you got me thinking about love and ish lol. great post:-)

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

"I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch"

ewww that nasty...but funny too..i can imagine it.
"oh bitch your still talking?"

*pulls dowm pants and draws. flings sanitary pad on bitches face*

nice post though

soumynona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soumynona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
soumynona said...

wow, being a woman is never easy...

Paula D. said...

Girl....I know how you feel! I am over here cracking up though!

Desy said...


i got spanked, but not like that...


no wonder your brilliant... you kept your 'righteous mind' thru the lynchin...

*makin note to come back tomorrow*

side note:LMAO at bloody pad.. you're

Still_Pocahontaz said...

I've been thru 3 labors. It wasn't that hard for me. I don't think it'll be that hard. LMAO!!!


Girl u gon be alright!...take it easy, and whatever you do dont throw no bloody pad at no body...I mean ::visions bloody azz pad flying through the air:: not a good look..LMAO

karrie b. said...

i feel u deej.

bloody pads, shovin tampons down folks throats, alladat.

yes i called u deej.

sucks that u went thru ALL that u did growing up. no child should ever have to go through that. u know what tho? it made you THAT BITCH. with all do respect, ur gonna be a better mom then ur mom ever will be.

-karrie b.

The Jaded NYer said...

(don't listen to always come with that, "the child is the reward of childbirth" crap...)

Anonymous said...

Thank God I don't have cramps!

Please don't be throwing that stuff at

I'm gonna have a natural delivery too. At least I say that now. Hmmm, time will tell.

Park Avenue said...

"I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves
just you watch"


Ms. Behaving said...

LMAO @ "can someone remove my friggin uterus and return it me once it stops actin an ass".

Hmmm...I wonder why after having three children I never thought of that.

Hope you feel better girlfriend. This right here "I really am gona throw a bloody pad at the next person who gets on my nerves" is nasty but funny as hale.

You are more funny than a lil bit!!!

dejanae said...

demon hunter:
yep tracy chapman

hey life's a bitch sometimes

u want the women to fuck u up don't u?
so says the one who aint gotta push them bastards out

im sayin
why me man?
preciate the love

zephi fahrenheit:
i think it's a pretty effective battle

never is

paula d.:
how u just gon be laughin at my expense
the pain is real girl

like i said, she was on another level
i am awful but folk should no better than to be messing with me when im in

if i were u, id go beat kyle's
it's a good look if i say so

u went and threw in the bloody tampons huh?
i sure hope so

jaded nyer:
i aint payin that fool no nevermind
when he pops out some children, he can talk

damn u
u go first
tell me how u do

park avenue:
im sayin....
dont be buggin me when im pmsing

i commend u for going thru pushing out three big head
im bout to go find me a surrogate
dont think i can take it
neither can my friggin undetachable uterus

i.can't.complain. said...

*trying my best not 2 get on your nerves*

cuz im NOT trying 2 get hit w/that bloody pad.

hope the pain subsides.

the cramps and the emotional pain from moms 2...


Rashan Jamal said...


I don't know what its like to get spanked much less get beat like that. I hope that as you get grown you two can form a different kind of relationship...if you want it of course.

Anonymous said...

Cramps suck they suck more when you are NOT even thinking of ever procreating

Yeah... your mom and mine eye to eye, more fucked up cause she had two other children that she never in her life has treated with such hate and viciousness, I did have the protection of my dad and my other family members the rest of the way, who would jump her ass to pull her off of me when needed be, and offer her a few rounds with someone her own size... so she is a good person and all that shit, had a shitty upbringing but is still is what it is... I dread even the fucking idea of kids god forbid I turn into her

lea78 said...

U r one of the most unique people I ever met. I swear. Your writing just pulls me in. I think you should do something with that brain of yours. For the kids who didn't like you Fuck Them and I mean that from the bottom. Sorry about that ish you had to go through growing up. Sounds like mom didn't have enough love in her life so she didn't know how to love you. When you have your kids(if you ever give that cherry up. LOL) you make sure that you give them all the love in the world. Stay blessed, BTW my bro was looking at your pics and he was definetly feeling him some you

dejanae said...

im usually only hurting on day one
an dthnx for that

thats pretty much an impossibility
but hey
God might come down himself and make it happen
i sure hope so

u dont want no kids
one of the few women i know who say that
get your tubes tied then
remove some ovaries

appreciate that
the cherry is stayin in place til
u stay blessed too
ooh weee
tell the bro i said

dejanae said...

hole up
he wasnt doin no freaky shit right?lol

lea78 said...

he could have been you know you did have that ass shot on there, but you claim to be having on some pants. OOOHHHH somebody acting fast. LOL

dejanae said...

how dare you
i am indeed wearing pants

Anonymous said...

I would too Deja but doctors don't offer that option to unmarried young women, apparently you'd have to pop one before they'd even consider you doing that.... trust you think I'm a fool?? I've looked into that even when I was married way back when, the best I got was the shot for a year and coming off of it was HELL

dejanae said...

there's a shot?
i aint know that

mp1 v.8.0 said...

I think thats considered assault with a deadly weapon. you might wanna reconsider

dejanae said...

aint changed my mind

NYAmicas said...

bloody pad-Heard some girl actually did this in a fight

poem-On point as usual-you have a way with words my friend

mom-need to update cuz where was dad. I didnt know you had it that bad Di. Thank God you're good now.