Random Tandem

i talk too damn much
i cant help it
i love to hear myself speak
ill argue u down about the most mundane shit just becuz
i can never be wrong
i just cant
not because i don't want to
simply becuz it is not possible

My husband would wish atleast a thousand lil deaths upon me evryday

the makeup sex would be fyah tho
what?
all that passion....
im getting tingly just thinkin about it



he might not like my bootleg dirty talk tho
ima be like
yeah bitch
take that
who's ur mama
say my motherfuckin name
what??!?!?!
That's mistress Diana to you
now put on this here collar

nothing too hardcore
lmao
im not even playin
i know yall guys are like
"What kinda power trip is this bitch on?!?!?!?!?"
Don't worry
i'll return the favor

as long as he aint tryin nona that golden shower, dirty sanchez,type shit
and i refuse to do any position that could get my ass killed
or that i could get stuck in and have to worry bout explaining shit to the paramedics once they arrive




I have issues
i'm giving myself up til the age of 50 to get married
that's the real time limit
not an exaggerated one
Tho i will be mad as hell if i'm 50 and still a single virgin
That's not a friggin good look man
ima go hole myself up in some dark room in the attic and just start rocking gently back and forth. Im sure sometime later i'll commence to talkin to myself per usual.

You are fine just the way you are
So what ur ole dried up ass is still single
You fly girl
Come on. I aint tryna be stuck up here wit ur pathetic ass forever
Go do something man
Take a shower
change your dang drawers
get a makeover
OLILF here i come
(That's 'old lady i'd like to fuck' by the way)
That's it
You can do it
Now go do your damn hair
Dreds are cool and shit but i dont think that's the look you were going for



If worse comes to worse ima arrange me onea them green card marriages
What
You know how many Haitian folk tryna come over here?
OKay. Yall know i'd never actually do that shit right?
I know of two grown folk who have
Both them shits ended in disaster
Besides
I'm not really tryna marry a fresh off the boat Haitian
I mean i love my folk and all
but....
No thanks
Folk gon get mad when u tellem to cook their own damn meal every once in a while
Gon ask me why i cant hook up no Haitian dishes
Gon try to lay his hands on me when i inevitably curse his mother out for being an interfering bitch
(not to her face of course)

I laugh when i see a guy crying
even if i get up to the actual wedding ceremony
im liable to simultaneously point, laff and shake my head at him if dude starts droppin tears
okay i know we want dudes to be caring and sensitive and shit
thats nice
really it is
but ive never in my life cried tears of joy
so if he does, i'm straight clowning

I say i want an aggressive dude but i notice that i don't respond to an aggressive approach
makes no sense
but that's the way it is
I'd rather ease into it
the whole friends to lovers thing


I need a man with an ass
no pancake shit please
its not cute


can you make your booty clap?
i've tried
it's sad really
i can achieve the bootleg motion
but no bootleg sound
how do they do it??
can yall tell i got too much time on my damn hands?

Guys?
been to a strip club?
How was it?


oral sex
it's still sex right?
Sound like a dumbass question?
I think so
what the fuck @ folk getting down with th oral but saying they aint had sex
or actin all holier than though and talkin bout saving themselves
Bitch
I'd think having a dude's dick in your mouth would be about as intimate a moment as can be shared between two folk
Do you think someone should still call themself a virgin if they've had oral sex?


I was watchin Oprah one day and they was talkin bout these rainbow/lipstick parties
some shit like that they called it
girls wearin different shades of lipstick and
hole up
im bout to look it up forya


im back
A type of party where several girls wear a different color of lipstick then each proceeds to give one or more guys a blow job. The multiple of colors left on each guy's penis resembles a rainbow.
aint that some shit
(You know that's a white folk thing .lol
no offense to yall melanin-challenged folk.yall know u be doin some crazy shit. Yeah i know. us too)
just a mess


Question time
you know my virgin ass aint did shit
i gotta live vicariously through yall
get to answering
if u aint scared that is

that was a pathetic attempt at reverse psychology



the first time you had oral sex...
was it the same time you had actual sex?(for lack of a better term)
how old were you?
who with?
where?
used protection?
how was it?
how long did it last?
still talk to the person?

ever slept with a celebrity?
got kicked out of a club?
hired a stripper/exotic dancer?
been to a sex show?
solicited a prostitute?
solicited a gigolo?

edit:
some vajayjay talk
yesterday when i said i aint shaved i was talkin bout my legs folk
OKAY
im not all overgrown down there
(the vajayjay i mean. Why do i have an issue saying pussy? I mean it's the same shit right?)
the only case when deforestation is cool

Ladies:
how do yall keep it?

fellas: how do yall like it?
naked?
a lil landing strip?lol
slightly bushy?
or are u of the 'don't mess with perfection' variety?

dirty talk in the bedroom:
are there limits?
should there be limits?
im sayin...
if u can call me a bitch, why can't i call u one
no harm.no foul
What can the other person just not say?
what words will get u hot in a second?