rhymes revisited

Mesmerized by his eyes
the way they follow me when i walk by
When he tells me that I
am the future that he envisioned
When he sees in me the beauty of long forgotten African queens
When he says i took away the sighs
and exclaims at how the span of my thighs
makes him sigh
in relief
that somehow, he gets to come home to me
His support system when he was going thru that grief
When he states that I, in my offering of comfort and solace
offered him the opportunity
for
Release
Fell in love with his tongue
and no
not the way u may think
I fell in love with his wordplay before his foreplay
entranced by the spells he'd cast
with the words he'd say
things like
"your image is indelibly burned into my mind" as he smiles
seeing me naked for the very first time
held me close as i cried
whispers of "i love u. it'll be alright", when my grandfather died
In his eyes i find the fountain of youth
in his charming way says i get better with each day
"like a bottle of chardonnay?" i ask
no he laughs as he takes me to task
and clasps my hands in his
as his eyes find mine
"more like
every day i can imagine
spending one more eternity
multiplied eternally
in your embrace"
"like every moment past is one less moment we have to share
so i wanna make them last"
as he proceeds to
kiss
my
face
cherishing every curve
every line
as i stare into his eyes

mesmerized



NEXT


come thru kickin lines extra potent
shit i'm invincible
rendered
invisible
competition can't see me like that 'blue magic'
100 percent pure got them foamin at the mouth like a crack addict waiting outside Betty Ford tryna beat that drug habit
flooding the streets like the second coming of God
episode two switched it up so it's...
Diana's Ark
and guess i'd be remiss if i aint warnem before i scornem
so my tablets
they prophecied my wrath before i even stepped onto this metaphysical plane
and
before my molecules could rearrange from ashes of greats and musings of the slain
it was written
She will descend upon this earth, a prophetess
upon her left shoulder bearing the mark of the phoenix
beware for her wrath descends upon the heads of her foe like swarms of locusts
it shall be done
so it is written

THE RANDOM


bought new shoes the other day
i really do need to stop buyin shoes. i dont go no damn where. Them shits are just sitting in the closet.

i have a keyboard, saxaphone, and bass guitar in my room. They've all been here for years. I have yet to master any of them.
Yet anotha resolution to add for 08

i just looked it up and it's saxophone. I always mispell it then forget which is the correct spelling

Sarcasm is sexy

dreds: sexy as all hell
old people: cool as shit
dark skinned brothers: my weakness
humor: gotta have it

However,
an old, dark skinned dred-head tryna spit game is not fuckin sexy in the least!!!

you know what song is dumb as all hell?
that I Got it From My Mama shit!!!

breastessiz
what's the big deal?

It's legal for women to walk around topless in NYC





not my thing but im givin them chicks props
but i'm just thinking
maybe a construction site aint the best place to be chillin wit ur girls hangin out tho


ever walked outside barefoot?

running thru my head:


I always pick x in tic tac toe

i jumped double dutch yesterday
i am however, double handed at times

red light, green light 1,2,3 son

im beginning to think the 10 kids might be a bit too much of an undertaking
7 sounds like a good number

I think the Justice League could use 1 more
superhero name: Mclaren 4MULA1
Super powers: strength, speed, agility, bullshit detecting, morphing, telekinesis


Bret 'the Hitman' Hart
Hulk Hogan



those were the days
me and dad chillin in fronta the tube

Ramblings of a Lunatic

i want to
i need to
touch you
extra sensory perception
as the thought of you overwhelms my senses
leaves me overwhelmed at the magnitude of your
your very presence
left quivering
silent
rendered mute
unable to speak
as i play over in my mind like my favorite movie scene
the things i can imagine you doing to me
and i could
i could explain to you in great detail how
the very sound of your feet
has me holding my breath
quickens my pulse and sends blood racing through my veins at light speed
how a look from you has me imagining silk sweat drenched sheets
bodies writhing to instinctive primal beats
How a glance at your lips calls to mind passionate kisses
of lovers through time
walks along shores under moonlight
engaged in conversation
where we relay life's hopes, ambitions,
fears, uncertainties
worries, dreams
your way with words so sweet
i can taste them
must be ambrosia from the heavens
like blessings sent from God to the tip of your tongue
and i swear he sent you just so i can hear them
when you open your mouth to speak
I linger in anticipation
of orgasmic elation brought to fruition by your
skill and your diction
elliciting out of body experiences
where you take me on flights of fancy
make me want to paint an image with words of how
i would love for your very essence
to run through me like the Nile
love forging on its banks like civilizations
how if only i could delve into you like the depths of an ocean under dark skies
scour the shelves of your mind
seeking to find all things that will bind us in space
and time


Next

the random

i did not know aunt viv had moves like that. did yall catch that episode where she was turning 40? she kilt that dance audition!!




I was always the lil smart kid who'd ruin the cartoon viewing experience. I know bout gravity niccah.

why the fuck are they up in the air until they look down. Then whynahell after the first 500 times they run off a cliff, dont they just k.i.m. ?? Stop fuckin lookin down idiot!!!!

geek to chic?? all they did was let a bitch's hair down, throw a new dress on her, then remove her glasses
go get a really ugly person and do that shit

speaking of glasses. That superman shit is dumb as hell. Dude don't got a mask on or nothin. He just
change clothes
then go


dumb ass disguises/ alter ego scenarios get on my nerves. Superman.Hanah Montana. I know that's u friggin idiots!!!!

Going into the witness protection program kinda sounds fun to me. Get a new name, new birthday (ima celebrate the real and fake one), move the hell away and have a perfectly good reason not to contact idiot family members
not a bad deal
not bad at all
i bet u that one broke ass family member we all got is gon find me tho. Gon show up on my front step askin 4 money. Niggah the mafia couldnt find me but ur 33 year old 3rd grade reading level ass fount(yes i said fount) me in two days. Go help the friggin gov't find Osama. leave my ass alone. Oh hell naw!!! How u gon threaten to out me if i dont lend you 3,ooo dollars???I got u tho. good thing i carry round this firearm huh? *gun shot* you was only a 5th cousin nyway.


stop snitchin?


y?
fuck u
ima be that bitch that snitch
lead them right to ur door
no shame in my game
ima air u out on national tv. let ur dumbass try to kill me. you gon be supecto numero uno playah.

embarassing playlist to be posted on monday

who's the boss?



Tony Danza?? get outta here. You know it's me
Tony can be my white chocolate sidekick
singin" Hold me closer Tony Danza"
Tell me why i honestly thought that's what Elton John was singin?
Then imagine my utter dismay when i found out it was actually 'hold me closer tiny dancer'.
like the tony danza better.

better luck wit the next chic
yes i know u think i should be flattered. You pssssssed me from across the street. I mean why couldnt i realize the privilege u bestowed upon me? Then you saw it fit to cross the street and try to talk to me. OH. the other 3 girls u just tried to get at? oh they weren't special like me huh?Why should i get offended that you commented on my ass before u could even see my damn face? oh so now ima bitch cuz i'm ignoring u huh? hold up aint no need to go callin me names playa. I never said i was alladat. Your dumbass invaded my three feet of personal space. Ain't nobody call u over.Rather be an ugly bitch than a dumb bitch tho and i'd definitely be the dumbest thing walkin if i even considered your ignorant ass.

ever had a stalker?


delusional
psychotic
til death do us part niggah
crazy
nasty
wanna smell my fart niggah
stalkin, poppin out the bushes
restraining order ass nigga
future serial killer
night stalker
richard ramirez ass niggah


'yeah big daddy
push ur seed in my bush 4 life'
for real tho
how would that sound?

you know somebody's gon go and name their child 'rock and roll' off that joint

random tandem

stupid people
cant fuckin standem
They gon have a bk chick making wind catch her caution
get it?
throw caution to the wind

I learned half my fight moves from Power Rangers son
yall know yall tried to reenact them fight scenes too. don't front


Ballys versus Golds gym
who wins?
ballys all day evryday kid...lol

I got a few doppelgangers strollin the street
people swear they see me places i know i haven't been
or they try to act like they know me from somewhere. I have an excellent memory. I don't know your ass. How the hell u gon ask me if i'm sure i'm not so and so? How the fuck i'm not supposed to know who i am??!!!!!

I used to watch America's Most Wanted hoping i'd catch someone familiar on there.
Was looking to see if any of the folk i couldnt stand were fugitives. Kill three birds with one stone
get rid of someone i cant stand
perform a public service
maybe get a reward
hey. im just sayin.......

Do you know all the words to the COPS themesong
bad boys bad boys what u gonna do what u gonna do when they come for you
ummm
ricky nah ricky nah ricky
ricky nah ricky nah rick ron rick
those are the words cuz i say so

so i actually listened to the words
what the hell is: You chuck it on that one
You chuck it on this one
You chuck it on mother and You chuck it on you father
You chuck it on you brother and You chuck it on you sister
You chuck it on that one and you chuck it on me


What the hell they chuckin???!!!

I have two playlists
why? u ask.Because i can do that. I'm Diana
nah.4 real tho
1 is 4 when i wanna mellow out
other is 4 when i wanna go hard

im thinkin bout adding a 3rd playlist
music i might not otherwise admit to listening to like:
cher, patrick swayze, spice girls...lol
singin: 'do you believe in life after love? i can feel something inside me say i really dont think you're strong enough. '
or how bout:'Can't break my heart. My achy breaky heart. Yall know yall was jammin to that one.
ima call the playlist 'I Don't Give A Fuck'
i'll probably add that tomorrow


half the blog views are me checkin out myself

ever made the devil sell u his soul?
ever dance with the devil in a pale moonlight?
ever danced on a car roof?
had sex on a car roof?

the dancin on the roof of car thing i gotta do. Now if only i can find the idiot willing to let me do it.
Do a bootleg music video to 'dancing in the street' and post that shit to youtube

Apparently i'm real late on the Prince tip
I used to just think of him as a poor man's Michael Jackson
never gave lil man a chance


but Darling Nikki is my jam
I knew a girl named nikki
I guess u could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine
She said howd u like 2 waste some time
And I could not resist when I saw little nikki grind


Who masturbates with a magazine tho?

rhymes revisited

you hear that beep son ?
it aint no motherfuckin test
thats his heart goin into cardiac arrest
swore he was invincible so could always....
beat the best, walked the streets at night but said in death he'd get his rest
and now here he rests
or should i say his body
cuz his soul is still troubled left behind his brother Robby, middle name be 'rob me', always the life of the party and
til day light hours little man be partyin
track lines on his arm covered by his cardigan, seen Juvy four times don't know when he'll see his dad again
and when he'll meet the man again
cuz the last time he set his eyes on him, they was cartin dad away
coulda sworn blue demons took him or at four thats wat he'd say
screamin 'leave my daddy be' 'why yall takin him away?'
seems we've come full circle ,prophecy fulfilled
they say the sins of the father be on his son's head
curse revisited so .....
three generations dead



she's the stuff of fables
her feats
they spawn legends
round one got u fell out on the floor knock out punch deckin
words headed towards you construction ball wreckin
metaphors like creatine ugrade my muscle flexin
then sprout feet poundin pavement my words hit the street
shizophrenic tendencies got you
back checkin,paranoia sets in and
i deprive u of ur lifeline leech blood letting
let the shit settle and watch ur face as it sets in
silk beset by sangria sweat shop reminiscin
life of the forgotten, the needle as it slips in
London 57 nights.
Nazi's blitzin
got folk runnin for cover as shrapnel hitsem
life be fucked up but truth is... when u did some
fucked up shit, karma's gon be that bitch that kills some
and for mils some niggas will do just about any shit
including selling out they fam like crackheads lookin for a hit
i figure ima be kovorkian
hand them death cooled over quick



rock my basketballshorts, tees, tennis shoes
hard to find the cute shit when ur a
ten in shoes but
dont be fooled
i aint always on my leisure
flashing lights shine bright and trigger epileptic seizures
got medics on the sidelines tryna come and relieve ya
first name jane. last: doe. middle: DOA believe ya ...
me
aint noone payin their respects,nobodies tryna come and see u
sent u on a voyage to india via
my girl arie
where u lived as an untouchable so i put you out ur misery
hit you wit the hardlines between the eyes ...deadly marksman
sniper shot from 30 stories high cuz ur a marked man
100 witnesses tryna figure how u got deceased
rolled away on a gurney black bag zipped over white sheet
got ur spirit tryna walk backwards and hit that backspace/delete
rewind to that second just before ur body hit the street
inevitable demise,
kamikaze pilot sweaty palms with vise tight clenched eyes,
figured things too late like bush administration lies and
government coups staged by CIA spies
enemies of yesterday turned tomorrow's allies. only trust half of wat u see.the rest?
assume are lies
but instead u saw what u wanted Like your name was rorshacke and before the ink could even dry was clear you'd never be comin back
Louie G flying over the bermuda triangle man fell off the radar track
like Casey Sheehan never returning from his deployment in iraq



notice nything different?
hows the new playlist?


I have to get my poetry game back up
have 15 million unfinished craps
i need inspiration

i think ima go bald next summer
said i was gon do it this summer but that didnt pan out
i was waitin on gettin the body right first

Kenya Moore is who i wanna be when i grow up
her body is bangin

speaking of bangin
why are folk still gangbangin?
some guys will bang anything
i rock bangs often

know wat song is in my head?
Passin Me By

goal 4 next semester is a 4.0

TMI

so i got this buddy and we were having an im convo
and he's like TMI girl just logged in. Apparently this chick likes to volunteer when she's in various stages of undress outta nowhere
He's like: if she's not volunteering any pics, why bother?
She just sounds extra to me
talkin bout it's hot she gotta take some shit off.SMH

so here's the TMI randomness:
u probly wont give a damn but oh well

one of my eyelids is larger than the other

i have freckles on the right side of my face

one of my legs is about a quarter inch longer than the other

i have the dumbest eyebrows. Them shits are sparse as hell

the first time i drank hot chocolate i threw up. never touched that shit again

i dont shave my legs. so what? u got a problem? fuck you then

i stepped on the scale today. it read 187

i rarely smile. i either laugh or look my regular bored self

ima size ten in shoes if you wanna get me a late christmas present

i used to pull out my eyelashes. dont ask why. i dont friggin know

I bootleg run cuz im tryna get ready for a marathon
chafing is a mother. my inner thighs from mid thigh level up is a shade darker than the rest
now i rock bike shorts under my sweats. shoulda been got them.
I don't get it. Folk bigger than me don't have this damn problem
I'm gon step up my training game for 08
said i was gon do the ING new york in 08. Ive ammended it to 09
i aint tryna mess around and die
Don't care if i'm last just gotta finsh that shit. Actually. I Lied. i would be mad if i was last. folk starin and shit. talkin bout hurry the hell up.OR WORSE: the pity applause.i' d b like shut the fuck up condescending bastards!!!

Aliens are among us and one of them goes to my gym

so im in the locker room getting changed to get the hell outta there and this new chick is in there getting ready to start her workout. She's hella toned,no stetchmarks in sight, makeupless but her skin is clear as all hell. The pretty motherfucker had me hating. Then the bitch had the nerve to smile at me and say hey like i know her from somewhere. Take your hey somewhere else!!!I aint tryna be your damn friend.Fuckin Alien drone. Next thing you know she gon wanna be workout partners. Fastforward and we chillin and shit. Im bout to sound real shallow, but i'm not tryna be the proverbial ugly friend. Yall know wat i'm talkin bout.

WHISPERS

ingesting remnants of carcasses

swallowed pride

force fed excrement they tried to pass off as a five star meal

as the lies make their way down your throat

suffocation

their testicles in your mouth

purificationas digested lies give birth

to expelled truths

Vietnam

Iraq

Serbia

Haiti

Sudan

Japan

Darfur

Guantanimo Bay

Abu Ghraib

cover ups exposed

like her

garments ripped from her body

14 years old

acts committed too horrible for the merciful to comprehend

as others who have borne this pain and legacy

look down from heaven

heads shaking and arms spread

to accept another into their fold

11-year-old girl from Kosovo

12-year-old Okinawa girl

when the keepers of peace

cant be trusted not to shatter it

violated under cover of fire

blasts like fireworks on that fourth setting of the moon

on that 7th month

smoke clears

bodies strewn

count them

each one an attempt at sin hidden

torture chambers become life

and life seems the lesser choicewhen the question is posed:

life or death?

chambers of semi automatic guns, like dragons,

spitting steel-tipped fire

memories of steel-tipped boots

grounding your face into the dirt as the cries of the inhumane plague your sanity

grains of rock dig into sun-kissed flesh

son kissed flesh

marring the beauty that God did create

threat of death looming low overhead like a noose

ring of rope

destroyer of hope

or so they think

reaching for you like a lasso

determined to snare souls

round them up like cattle

their own special branding

bodies dragged behind beds of pick-up trucks

badges and ink-black sky offer all the cover needed

disfigured, marred beauty

head, neckfound miles from mangled torso

can't quite make out how handsome he used to be

my boy James

Deeds of the souless

celebrated at tables where Lucifer dines with men

fields where the spirits of the deceased do battle with forces of evil

no rest for souls of the dead who perished in fits of rage over injustice

apparitions of the long gone and long forgotten

yearning for the Lord's vengeance against

masters of evil

axis of evil

a turn of phrase

annihilate

subjugate a people

strange bedfellows they make:justice and torture

clandestine affairs

secrets released,

like whispers

into the ears of harlots

Ain't Nobody Worryin

gurneys roll out over cracked pavement in the dead of night
as whispers begin
and sirens blare
she can't help but to think upon all those days of terror
shrieks
screams
held captive by memories of a mind twisted and uncertain days
of spirits too seldom lifted
and souls repeatedly crushed under unbearable weight
too numb to cry
too shocked to speak
too....relieved
funny how she'd given up on God's mercy
his grace a foreign notion
God where are you?
yetnow at this juncture
all those words, prayers
flood her mind
it was their time
they're in a better place now
just seemed like words before
but today she believes them
sends up a prayer
Lord if you've ever loved me make sure James and Denise
what i mean Lord is....
please make sure they find the peace in death they could never find in life
lost in the crowd she says her goodbyes
halfway down the block she turns
blank stare and final farewell
past neighbors who are quick to get their fifteen minutes
but couldn't spare one
to offer aid
dial three numbers
past some with tears in their eyes
as if their loved one had died,
hands held over their hearts
hearts that suddenly appeared on that day
must've cuz
wasn't nobody worryin before

NEXT

randomness:

i don't like mangos

peanut buttered bread dipped in coffee is the shit

i don't drink milk
atleast not straight

only wit cereal or something

The highlander was my show
just try and tell me Duncan Mcleod aint sexy

i wish somebody would buy me a chia pet for Christmas
I'd slam that shit down on their heads

why did i just see this youtube vid where this guy was checkin for big booty chics
talkin bout he was tryna find his Ms. Hottentot Venus?
SMH
Saartjie "Sarah" Baartman was a famous Khoikhoi woman who was exhibited as a friggin sideshow attraction in 19th century Europe under the name Hottentot Venus
Saartjie travelled around Britain, showing what to Europeans were unusual bodily features, thought to be typical of her people. She had large buttocks, a condition known as steatopygiaa, and visitors were permitted to touch them for extra payment. In addition, she had a sinus pudoris, otherwise known as the tablier (the Frenchh word for "apron") or "curtain of shame", all names for the elongated labiaa of some Khoisan women. (Although "sinus pudoris" refers only to the labia of Khoisan woman, all labia vary in size and shape to some degree.) To quote Stephen Jay Gould, "The labia minora, or inner lips, of the ordinary female genitalia are greatly enlarged in Khoi-San women, and may hang down three or four inches below the vagina when women stand, thus giving the impression of a separate and enveloping curtain of skin" Her exhibition in London, scant years after the passing of the Slave Trade Act 18077, created a scandal, and an abolitionistt benevolent society called the African Association petitioned for her release. Baartman was questioned before a court in Dutch, in which she was fluent, and stated that she was not under restraint and understood perfectly that she was guaranteed half of the profits. The conditions under which she made these statements are suspect, because it directly contradicts accounts of her exhibits made by Zachary Macaulay of the African Institution and other eyewitnesses.

France
Baartman later traveled to Napoleonic Paris where an animal trainer exhibited her under more pressured conditions for fifteen months. French anatomist Georges Cuvier and French naturalists visited her and she was the subject of several scientific paintings at the Jardin du Roy.
She died December 29, 1815 of an inflammatory ailment, possibly smallpox, while other sources suggest she contracted pneumonia. An autopsy was conducted and the findings published by French anatomist Henri Marie Ducrotay de Blainville in 1816 and by Cuvier in the Memoires du Museum d'Histoire Naturelle in 1817. Cuvier notes in his monograph that Baartman was an intelligent woman who had an excellent memory and spoke Dutch fluently. Her skeleton, preserved genitals and brain were placed on display in Paris's Musée de l'Homme until 1974, when they were removed from public view and stored out of sight

FUCKIN IGNORANCE I TELL YOU
nah not even
just stupidity
He couldnt have named it that shit without knowing the history behind it

History books are to be taken with a grain of salt. Depending on who wrote it or where it was written you'd think you were reading two different stories

Started reading The End of America: Letter of Warning To a Young Patriot today.
Like it so far
Wolf compares post 9/11 USA to Nazi Germany

i'll leave you with this:
a poem attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller


First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out -
because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out -
because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.

Touch it. bring it, babe

touch me


please
just


touch me in the morning


a prayer she'd say each night as her eyes would close
and her soul would hope
that those who took comfort in her parted thighs
silk mahogany that drove men to ecstasy under cover of night
might just once
take the time to realize that she just
needed
to be held


just wanted to know what it would be like
what it would....
feel like
to know someone had stayed
cared enough to hold her thru the night
and be there to

touch her in the morning

to know the feel of flesh against her own
awakening to the sun clear on the horizon and have someone beside her
smiling
and not drift out of her life like

every man she's ever known

so

if you could just
touch her in the morning
cuz she's grown sick and tired of


being alone





NEXT



the randomness:

I'm mad that noone commented on my last post

i want to adopt my first child

i am the first of 3 kids

i love kids
they usually love me back (except for this one lil boy wit psychotic tendencies. Don't really care if the serial killers of tomorrow don't like me tho. On second thought...)

i have a way with animals. Stop just short of being a beastmaster. Yall can call me Dar if u want.

Although technically i can cook, i'd rather shoot myself in the foot first
or have you cook for me

Candyman is the only good black horror villain i can think of

My brother sleep walks. the bastard be lookin all possessed and shit comin into my room at 2 in the morning talkin bout "I don't know where the gargoyles are. Think they went to the gas station." No lie. That's what he just said

speaking of Gargoyles, I had the illest crush on Goliath
tall: check
dark: check
handsome: check
the fact that he wasn't human didn't phase me one bit
i was just waitin for that loincloth to go flyin up
still waitin

why are folk still committing crimes? Don't they watch CSI?

Who else has seen the Puzzle Place?

XENA was fifteen million times better than HERCULES!!!!! That nuccah was too soft

Aries could get it!!!!!!over and over and.....

I think i'm the hotness after 9 PM
be feelin all sexy and shit...lol

Is sex really all that ?
I mean come on
folk be losin they mind over it
I aint had it and i'm good
well before 9PM that is

Ramblings of a Lunatic

reverse evolution
tryna bring the past back on counterclockwise revolutions, they say that love brings absolution
so I guess there's no solution to the plight that plagues her the
ills that face her
cuz it was a night of stolen innocence and hate that made her
and since she can recall her mother has despised her,
evidence of past crimes so she tried to deny her
therefore
Admittance
into her heart was forbidden, No entrance but on a good day a smile as pittance
until mom would see him in her face
and sometimes when she was drunk she was known to say
I shoulda
bid you good riddance
headed my ass over to that planned parenthood clinic
and demanded they remove that shit from up inside me
I aint never want you, that niggah forced himself astride me and now here you are
Constant reminder of the source of my hate, this fuckin pain won’t ebate
and here you are
It was only supposed to be a date
And there you are
Found out when I was three weeks late
So here you are


You know what song is in my head?
none of yall psychic huh?

Yeah, nig, what makes you different from the next nigga
Seen you last week
And you couldn't even speak
You try to play like Mr. All-of-that
But now you wanna come to me with some chit-chat
I don't have no time for no wham-bam thank you, ma'am
Ghas me up, get me drunk and hit the the skinz and scram
The same ol' shit you pulled last week on Pam


Any of yall read THE SHOCK DOCTRINE or the END OF AMERICA: Letter of Warning to A Young Patriot?
Got them today. My dad recommended i go copem after listening to NPR. I'll let yall know what i thought when i'm done.

I know i'm beating a dead horse but wat the hell is the music industry coming to?
SMH
I got a mind to bust out wit http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z8l31heyYxQ

What They Do is running thru my head. Subtitles and all

Speaking of subtitles, I've never been to a screening of a foreign film. I gotta get up on that

Who's gon come see The Great Debators wit me?
I mean i can go alone........
Am i the only one who does that? Go to the movies by my damn self?

Never expect others to do for you what y0u are not willing to do for yourself
So if you don't have love or respect for yourself don't expect the next person to

The next person who says some mess is gon have to deal wit my alter-negro
That bitch that does not give a damn

yeah i can call myself a bitch. u however cannot unless i've established it's okay. I know what i mean when i say it. I'm giving u the side eye if you just call me a bitch outta nowhere thinkin i was gon find it cute or funny. If u dint shut ur trap after the first time........yeah.just don't do it

Just do it. That's NIKE right?

I need some new sneakers. Probably gone handle that this weekend.

Running. I so need to get up on that. I think i was reaching with that marathon thing. I think ima do it in 2009 instead of 08 like i been sayin

Your word is your bond
well it's supposed to be. I let the cynicism in me take over. I ain't taking anything u say at face value unless i have reason to

Reason sometimes impedes. Go wit ur damn gut sometime

Speaking of the gut. Is it too much to ask for atleast a four-pack by this time next year

Insecurity

apparently
i am not enough for him
all 5 feet ten inches and a half of me
yes
that 'just woke up in the morning spine aint yet compressed from the long day'
5 feet 10 and a half inches
all 180 pounds
185 on a bad week
all
sass and class
and brass.....balls
tho invisible they may be
i am not enough for him
that quick witted
sharp tongued
sarcastic woman that is me
that gutteral laugh from deep within
that sometimes masks insecurities
because i am not enough
no frilly dresses
no designer jeans
all i have to offer is me
and
sometimes it just takes a little to convince myself that maybe
he isn't enough for me


I really need to step my workout game up
start eating clean
put in 100%

It's sad but i can't do a proper pushup to save my damn life.
Thinking bout saving up so i can get a personal trainer for a few months. probably just 2 or three
I'll take it from there

I really eat like shit
Yall heard of the freshmen 15. I had to be special and put on the freshman 30
still working my way back

I'm making a concerted effort to be more friendly
even smile every once in a while
That shyness shit stopped being cute after the fifth grade so i count to 10 and just do it

I get to rambling sometimes. for sure will start shaking and sweating but atleast i womanned up and did it

Public speaking is not really my thing but i will get to dancing like im audition for Flashdance 2
I didn't go to the salsa class Saturday like i was supposed to. heard it was hot.


Speaking of hot, I get hot real easily
so while everybody is walking round with their gloves and scarf. I'm good wit my hoodie or t shirt and open jacket.
What folk need to do is stop lookin at me like i'm crazy or worse
I hate when they act like i done lost leave of my senses
You see me walkin with the hoodie
My jacket is tucked into the strap of my bag
My teeth aint shattering
How in the hell u gon ask me if i wanna borrow ur jacket. Do you think i'm so stupid i couldnt figure out
cold + jacket handy = I can dress my fuckin self
or people who tell me to zip up
Why in the hell are you worried?


You know what i'm really afraid of?
Not living up to my potential

That and drowning
burning to death
coming across a serial killer
the state of the world
getting to them pearly gates and God is like "sorry. ur name ain't on the list"
That'd be some messed up shit

You know what i can't stand?
females with no stretchmarks no damn where
u no stretchmark having motherfucker. get out my face.

Words of Wisdom

"I am also very proud to be a liberal. Why is that so terrible these days? The liberals were liberators—they fought slavery, fought for women to have the right to vote, fought against Hitler, Stalin, fought to end segregation, fought to end apartheid. Liberals put an end to child labor and they gave us the five day work week! What's to be ashamed of?"—Barbra Streisand

"I think it's very important for everyone in America to realize right now the state of our country, not just on this issue but on a lot of issues, that it is time to get active again. People have just sat back and just sort of said, oh, let somebody else do it for a long time, and we're seeing what's happening to the country, even freedom of speech. It's not going well. So I think this is a real opportunity for people to see, yes, if you do get out and you do get active, there are other people there. You just have to seek them out."—Mary Steenburgen

"People think at the end of the day that a man is the only answer [to fulfillment]. Actually a job is better for me." —Princess Diana

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
—Margaret Mead

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."
— Margaret Fuller

"You can do one of two things; just shut up, which is something I don't find easy, or learn an awful lot very fast, which is what I tried to do." —Jane Fonda

"In passing, also, I would like to say that the first time Adam had a chance he laid the blame on a woman." —Nancy Astor (British Politician)

"Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathies with despised ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences." —Susan B. Anthony


Vocabulary words of the day:

albophobia -The fear of white people
apodyopsis -The act of mentally undressing someone
abderian -given to incessant or idiotic laughter
amphigory -A seemingly profound poem which is actually nonsense

love is just a word sometimes

love
is just
a word sometimes

yes
only
just a word

said in the heat of passion
to be forgotten in those still moments after bodies stop shaking

a phrase told to a nine year old girl by her father whom she hasn't seen since her last birthday
heart
soul
aching

used to soften the blow of a fist to the chest
thud not loud enough to mask the sound of her
spirit breaking

cuz love
is just
a word sometimes

NEXT

I've loved folk never been in love tho. Hmm. wonder what that's like.
You know those crazy in love folk?
I just can't picture myself saying "if i can't have you noone will!!!!"
That's not a good look
why don't they just off their damn selves?
that or get a life

meh
love is much more than words
if they're saying it but it does not translate into action, that shit doesn't count


I loved those Scholastic book order catalogue things
Nybody else remember that?

people use love too often
they got the meaning watered down
How u gon use the word to describe your feelings about those new pair of shoes then use the same word to profess devotion to someone?
Yeah i know i just did it
What??!!

You know what i can't stand?
folk who confuse sex with love
folk who say "i love you" way too quickly
folk who spell luv like this
folk who go all out on Valentine's day
that Jamaican guy who stands on the corner in front of the betting place. Every time he sees me he's talkin bout how he loves me and is gon wife me up. Okay discounting the fact that he's short as hell and old enough to be my dad, what the hell is his no job having, stay living at the off-track betting shop, slurred speech having ass gon do for me? besides love and wife me up of course

Hate
like love, this word is used way too often
i do it too
i don't think i hate anyone tho
extremely dislike? yeah
despise even
but not hate
I don't understand how folk can hate someone who has little to no impact on their damn lives
Why hate celebrities. really tho
Who gives a fuck?

People who go on reality shows to find love, need to be shot!!!
I'm not advocating violence, but if one of them got a hit put out on them
i wouldnt be mad
i might even laugh
okay that might be too harsh
i'd just smile real quick

Not that any of you cared (well except for one person who was friggin paying attention)
The song that was on my mind from the last post was
George Michael's: Careless Whisper

how's the coolin out corner?
tunes too slow?
i might be getting ahead of myself by assuming you folk even pay attention to it

i've always maintained that ive been insane from the moment i descended upon this terrestrial plane
barreling head first from that celestial plane
sinister grin on my face as i made my way to life's rugged terrain cuz i was a thrillseeker before I even knew my name
never heard of someone growing more sane so everyday i know i'm growing more deranged
my condition rapidly deterioratiating like a case of alzheimers to the brain
'don't know my own name' be my constant refrain like im in limbo
and tho im nimble,
tired of bending over backwards under that friggin stick, then under the knife
cuz anyway u slice it folk say i just aint right and that must be the reason i'm always left behind or maybe
i'm just evolutionary theory come to life.
unsuspend you from that Matrix, bring u forth into the light
inverse then reverse it so it's
night of the living dead turned to life dying of the day from day of the dying life
they say true genius is insanity so i say fuck normality
take my art to bed, make love to the the lune in me
embrace the demented, get off to the moon in me
flash the maniac and
dance to the tune in me


I've always felt off. Different. I'm sure that's probably common to many folk but i'd like to think my brand of insanity is special.


Next
My alter-negro is the outspoken, sarcastic, funny, confident side of me
If they could seperate my Stephan and Steve Urkel
I'd revert to some snivelling, quiet, shy, insecure, mass of something
X the snivelling
I don't do that shit
the rest still holds true


you know what song has been in my head all day?

I am legend

Yeah i know i said today was gon b part II of yahoo messenger edition

I LIED

sue me if u wanna
just letting you know right now
i'm broke as all hell

Nyway

I came in late last night
GASP
i know
I went to go see I AM LEGEND
Another armageddon, end of the world, zombie, last man standing film
(There really are like 15 million of those types of films out there)
I will say that i enjoyed the movie altho since I love Will Smith, I may be biased.
Who moved Fred??lmao
NEXT

I am a sucker when it comes to emotional shit
I will be that one person crying in the movie theatre
I will be that heifa in the corner crying at the feed the children commercials
(hey atleast i ain't Tenacious. She cries at Finding Nemo. Actually maybe i should take that back. I haven't seen it yet. I might just cry)
I will be reading a book
put it down when i get to a good scene
stand up infront of my damn mirror
and act that shit out

I had quite the imagination when i was younger
ummm don't tell anyone but i had about 10 imaginery friends
well more like alter negros
like i could talk to them or become them
sort of like Sybil meets the exorcist

I AM NOT CRAZY
I am however, a tad eccentric

I talk to myself far more often then i should
(I could play doctor Phil for a second and go into how my troubled youth caused me to develop these imaginery friends in leu of the real thing)
but that's a story for another day

I was once addicted to reading
not to say I don't still love to read, but honestly when i went two days without reading a new book, i would exhibit withdrawal symptoms
I'd get irritable
I'd curse the old books i had talkin bout: why couldn't you be that book i saw at Barnes and Nobles the other day DAMN YOU!!!!
I'd get frustrated when the library wasn't open
Construction my ass. Yall couldn't wait til i got ahold of some new books first

I love PBS
It brought me such all time faves as:
Ghostwriter
ShiningTime Station
Sesame Street
Antiques Roadshow
Nova
Masterpiece Theatre
Don't front like yall aint watch the Puzzle Place
the list goes on


Goonies never say die!!!!!!!
wat yall know bout dat??lol

Teen Witch
Madame Serena man...lol
i used to try to do that voice
again. i am sane
speaking of that short old lady
I loved her in Poltergeist
man i gotta watch that again

Since i'm on movies
The Shining was that shit
did yall see the Simpson's episode of that ?lol
man i love the Simpsons

Next


I may be just a lil too old to be afraid of the dark
Maybe afraid is too strong. Just uh ummmm anxious???Like i'll look into the shadows and logically i know its a plant but that shit looks an awful lot like an alien and it wouldn't kill me to run past it real quick just in case it did turn out to be an alien. Yao Ming???

Speaking of aliens,
i think i was ready to believe my cousin when she said i had been kidnapped by aliens and experimented on because
1 I had that faint line running down my stomache thing
2 i'd get migraines often
3 they would sometimes be accompanied by ringing in my ears
4 i was a weird child
5 i always felt outta place

me being abducted by aliens really didn't sound that farfetched to me
I mean it was on Unsolved Mysteries sheesh

hasta manana

random tandem yahoo messenger edition

Okay so these random craps are inspired by yahoo messenger conversations that i've had.

If you want a lil bit of e-fame

message me...lol

names will be changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent

except for those who give express permission (suuuuuuuuuure)

okay two new sayings

saying no.1:

"Go fuck a dugong!!!!!!!"

LMAO

okay

here's how the convo went:

change *******: oh my

change *******: im gonna be sick

change *******: i forget what percent they said

change *******: but they said that a LOT of men reported having sex with animals

change *******: and they said

dejanae411: lmao

dejanae411: random much?

change *******: that dugongs feel like women

change *******: im watching tv

dejanae411 : lmao

dejanae411 : dugongs?

dejanae411 : huh?

change *******: yeah

change *******: its a fucking fish

dejanae411 : puhahahahaha

change *******: literally

change *******: so ancient sailors

change *******: used to fuck them

dejanae411 : man

dejanae411 : thanks for the lesson

dejanae411 : ima use that

dejanae411 : go fuck a dugong

change *******: LMAO

so apparently horny ass sailors/pirates at sea would sex up these sea cows cuz the claim was it felt like slippin into a vagina.lol. These same drunk idots that mistook manatees and walruses for mermaids. SMH. yeah riiiiiiiiiight. I can see them now; debatin over who's the better lay: manatees, walruses, or dugongs. The bestiality practicin drunks were just tryna find excuses. Does that look like a mermaid to you?

other variations/sayings: "Man what took you so long? you was fuckin a dugong?" or "I'm so horny, i could fuck a dugong"

Thicflair's contribution-- a new pickup line: You're lookin kind of dugongish. Rawr!!!!

translation: You're looking fuckable!!!!!

Special thanks to Thicflair, Spike TV, Manswers, and Yahoo for without which, this convo and subsequent earth shattering contributions to the english language might have never taken place.

saying no. 2

stop stonin!!!!!!

I figured since folk were tired of hearing 'stop hating', i'd throw my own saying out there

Some idiot who i will refrain from naming as to not cause embarassment, thought that "stay spewing venom" was a good look

What do you think?

Stop stonin or

stay spewing venom?




"stop stonin, son,"

"before i have to throw a boulder atya mama"

LOL

So according to Manswers, you can tell a lot about a woman by her breasts


cherry shaped, A cups: perky, fun, but not really down with sex

mellons: they dont like sex, want to be pampered

oranges: they dont enjoy sex, and are lazy (something like that)

pear shaped breasts: they are the fun folks, party people that get it in

this supposedly was indicated by a study (ummm yeah)


I'm not buying it






Why aren't there more anatomically correct dolls damnit???!!!

Ken is walking around without a wee wee

Ain't it bad enough that Barbie is a doctor/lawyer/astronaut/police officer/NASCAR driver/rapper, (yes i said rapper. This heifa has had more than 90 jobs) they couldn't give dude a dick. i mean he deserves at least that right? ain't even askin for no balls. The penis will do.

lookin like Mrs. Bobbit got ahold of him. It's sad really.



I love Sade, but she has a big forehead

move over Rhianna

you were not no. 1



Diana Krall

ever heard of her?

I got put onto her recently

not bad

not bad at all

Check her out on 'Devil May Care'



I love Harry Connick Jr.

he inches out Detective Munch (yes, i said detective Munch. Don't make me have to aim that boulder at your grandma's head)



I download practically all my music. I don't have but three CD's. Yes i know. Support the artists and all that jazz. They ain't goin hungry. I got bills to pay.





This whole pro baseball steroids fiasco is getting on my damn nerves. I don't even follow sports but i know about it. Everybody and they resurrected grandmama is on something.





Joe was on crack

that white dude was crazy

How the hell do you wanna call 5-0 then grab a rifle and head over to SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE and shoot folk for trespassing. Sorry i mean self-defense. That whole bullet wounds in the back thing, uhhh. Maybe they were backing into him with ill intent and he felt the need to protect himself from the bodily harm their spines could inflict. SMH. Now you know dude was just waitin for the perfect opportunity to go shoot him some immigrants. Talkin bout:'Now's my chance.'



I don't play video games.

Not that i think they're the spawn of the devil or anything. It's just that they turn my brothers into the spawn of the devil. They be ready to fight somebody over that mess and they would never let a sistah play. In return, i have shunned them and their love of video games. Video games. ptuh. I spit on you.





Okay. don't laugh. Weezy is sexy. I know. It's crazy. It defies all logic. All science. But yet, it's the truth. What's his secret. I know you've probably grown tired of the word but it's his SWAG factor. Yep it's not a myth. Swag factor can inspire lustful thoughts about even the most grotesque of creatures (not saying that he is but come on. No Will Smith is he.) That being said, he's bangable. Oh oh. I mean he's looking dungongish.





slore slut/whore you can be it at any age

I don't go any damn where really. I'm boring as all hell. plus i got the old school Haitian pops. Need a boatload of immigrants to even head outta state. Nah. I'm exaggerating.

Only need a raft full.





I wanna go on family feud son. But not with my family tho. Ima have to hire some folk. That is not the show for unassimilated immigrants.





I hate when folk use area specific slang like i'm supposed to automatically understand what they're saying. Sometimes i call them on it. Sometimes i just nod and shake my head. I figure I'll just go look it up on urbandictionary.com lata



speakin of lata

that's all for today folks



look out tomorrow for part II

mating call

So i was out in the field today observing the mating rituals of the brownskinned streetdwellers otherwise known as the stay-hanging-out-on-the-block-aint-got-a-damn-job-probably-living with-they-mama-sorry-ass-negro (now do you see why i had to shorten it to brownskinned-streetdwellers). So anyway, I was walking down Flatbush Ave headed to the gym and this ignorant motherfucker decides that a mating call would be the perfect thing to get my attention. It sounded something like a cross between a rutting beast and a battle cry. WTF is that shit? i really thought we had evolved past the point where mating calls were necessary but apparently he didn't think so. He kept on with his mating/xena warrior princess battle cry routine for a block. 'soo wehing' the whole time. What the hell is SOO WEH???!!! SMH. Now i've heard of the mating call stories, just never experienced it first hand . I guess that must be why i got a double dose of it today. Yes i said double dose. This other idiot not even 2 blocks later decides to "woo-sa!!" my ass. I was lookin at the idiot like shut the hell up dumb ass motherfucker. He obviously did not get the look of utter contempt i threw at him because he decided to slow his car to a crawl and try to holla at me. Now i'm mad but i'm also wondering how many times his mating call then stalking routine has worked for him in the past. He seemed hella confident that i would get in his car with him and, how'd he put it again?, "go party with him and his boys". Ummm since when did party become a euphemism for orgy or gangbang???. I think i'll pass. Ugh. The sad thing is that for every female with half a brain cell that would dismiss these sorry ass nuccahs, there's one who will smile and hop into the friggin car like it aint nothing but a thing.

Whatever next

I got my workout in today. Made up for the other day's laziness but i'm sore as hell and my shoulders are mad at me. I think i kind of overdid it tryna compete with this sixty something year old lady in my weight training class. Yes you read correctly. The old bastard stays makin me look bad. I be all tired wanting to put the weights down and i glance over and the old bag is smiling. SMILING DAMN IT!!!!!!! Who does that? So of course i can't quit because i'll be damned if i'm letting some prehistoric relic out-anything me. Damn you Frida. DAMN YOU. (I don't know if that's her name but it sounds about right). Okay honestly. She has to be on something. Has to.

random tandem

I never believed in Santa Clause
I figured no grown fat ass white man can be climbing all up and down friggin chimneys and riding off into the moonlight with no friggin reindeer damnit
yet i somehow believed my cousin when she told me the line i had running down my stomache was the result of an alien abduction and subsequent experimentation
might have had something to do with all those Unsolved Mysteries episodes i was watching

Did anyone else watch the Untouchables?


What you know bout Duncan McLeod?
(That's Highlander for you uninformed)

Tell me why my 20 year old cousin did not know that Egypt was in the continent of Africa. I stared at him like: Motherfucker no u did not!!!!!!!!wonder how many other folk don't know that



I can't recall the last time i went to sleep without having my slowjams playing,
Cool Out Corner type stuff



CARPE SCROTUM SON!!!!!!!!!!!

this shit is no holds barred
so ima use the death grip to start
one hand grippin life's balls
the other seizing his heart

2008 is gon be my year. cover of People here i come



John Walsh is that man and he got the sexy voice.



speaking of John Walsh, i used to straight live off America's Most Wanted

be staring at the faces talkin bout: yo Christ don't that look like Mr. Thompson if he dyed his hair blonde and lost 20 pounds. I think your teacher is a serial-killer-fugitive, son.



if you get caught up with a kidnapper or some other crazy, imbalanced, sick individual, NEVER, I repeat NEVER let yourself be taken from crime scene 1 to crime scene 2. Chances of survival reduce drastically when this happens.



I figure if ima get got, your punk ass betta off me right here at the first crime scene. Fuck. I ain't makin shit easy for you. I'm kickin, puchin, bitin, jabs to the jugular, i'm crushin toes, I'm yellin fire,i'm kickin balls, leavin behind a mess of your blood, and hair. fuck that I'm pullin out my own strands so they catch your ass CSI style.





Am i the only one who's never been to the circus?



Near-death-looking old men in red pimp suits complete with cane have no business tryna talk to me. Apparently they haven't figured this out yet. What the hell ima do with your old dried up ass?

speakin of old dried up ass
I AM NEVER DOIN CRACK. Not that it was in my plans or anything but after seeing what these crackheads be doin for a hit....WTF???!!!!
that shit has grown men sneaking into back alleys to give blowjobs for an ounce of powder. That'd scare me straight (no pun intended)FUCK that shit.

Daydream

it was

sweet
reckoning
her soul beckoning to him across the room
can you feel me ? it said
and just like that he turned his head
as if his spirit could sense her
as if .....
with one glance he could tempt her

that he did

cuz she felt the pull, the attraction
and tho she didn't believe in love at first sight she definitely could imagine
date one: poetry reading then drinks
where they would discuss their favorite authors,
reminisce on common memories
lost in
reverie
of a shared yet singular experience

year two:anniversary dinner
dim lights and daises
cuz he'd know she hated roses since.......

since she hated roses
never really knew why

10 years later
3 kids
Isaiah, Charisma
and Malachi cuz she's always loved that name

"excuse me,is this seat taken?"
and just like that
daydream broken
or maybe
it was just beginning


Or maybe i wake the hell up and realize i'm not the lead character in a romance novel. I think people may be a bit unrealistic in what they expect of others sometimes. In real life, i've never had an immediate connection with someone off of a look. I don't buy into that love at first sight crap. NOT FRIGGIN POSSIBLE. That aint love playa, that's lust, interest, what have you. but it aint love. Next: honestly, he probably wouldn't remember that i hate roses. He'd just step through with them and i'd give him the wtf face and he'd be all like "watd i do?". Dumb motherfucker i told you two years ago i hated roses. puahahahaha
That poetry reading and drinks thing sounds hella sexy to me. Now drinks for me literally means a beverage. I don.t 'drink'. well not really.
I do love those names: Charisma. Isaiah. Malachi
I know i say i want 10 kids (if finances allow) but i figure 3 of my own is enough plus throw in some foster and adoptive kids and i'm good to go.
Now lemme see what dude is gon try and tell me i can't have my 10 kids. Nuccah please i told you that on day 1 and now that we married you tryna renege on the deal. Get outta here. NO 4real. GET OUT.Oh u aint tryna hear me. OKAY THEN. Malachi, Charisma, Isaiah. grab ur bags. We takin a trip. Daddy's actin a damn fool today. puahahahaha

random tandem

Nature Valley honey and oats granola bars are crack

I'm so friggin glad the semester's about to be done. School is getting on my damn nerves

Still not sure what route i'm takin

i think that cocoa butter crap is a myth. I been using it and the scars on my legs are still friggin there from when i busted my ass on that treadmill

Somehow he couldn't understand the words NOT INTERESTED or when i said I'D RATHER BE GAY

I actually like workin out now

i still can't eat right for shit tho
speaking of eating and shit

that two girls one cup shit had me dyin (what the fuck were they on?)

I watched CNN'S: CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute
that shit had me crying
good and bad tears
had me contemplating what i wanna do with my life too

I always said i wanna have atleast two careers
one being teaching

I didn't workout as hard as i shoulda today
i was being a lazy muhfuka

i really wish i could sing
i'm a mediocre alto
aint got the pipes
destined to be in the choir
no solo here

I Just Want To Be Close To You-Maxi Priest has been stuck in my head all week

still single
i'm fine with that but if i'm writing the same shit 30 years from now it's gon be a problem

i have a number of shoes in my friggin closet that have never seen the light o day
i keep buying them anyway
i walk around the house with them tho
no. i'm not crazy

People don't seem to get my obsession with sweats
THEY'RE FRIGGIN COMFORTABLE BASTARD
what more do i have to say

The Forgotten

As i sat on that subway car flipping thru the pages of Maya Angelou's Just Give Me a Cool Drink of Water 'Fore I Die,
it flooded my senses.
That odor of misery,
hopelessness.
despair,
shame.
I smelled her before i saw her.
Watched as she took in the grimaces,
the steps to the side,
the laughter,
as one by one they moved to the opposite end of the train.
Observed as she stood,
back to the doors, as my eyes took her in.
The evidence of how unfair life, at times, can be.
I'm not gonna lie.
I, like so many others,
forget the unseen,
the invisible,
but on that day (and i still am not sure why)
but that particular day, she made herself seen to me.
Appeared like a ghost before my vision
back rigid,
head high,
eyes staring forward





Two years ago I was on the 2 train headed for class at BMCC when this homeless lady stepped on. I'm tellin you i never seen grown folk act so dumb. Okay she smells, are you surprised? Well apparently some people were. Now you ain't gotta stand there if the odor is too foul for you to stand. watever. just move and leave it at that. But no. Grown folk wanna act like thay reverted back to the third grade. Snickering, laughing, making snide comments. Now i wanted to straight up smack somebody up in that bitch. While all this is happening, she just stands there staring straight ahead as if she can't hear what they're saying. On the real. I felt so bad for her (like on a whole nother level type shit cuz i always feel sympathetic for the homeless). Anyway my stop is coming up soon and i'm thinking i gotta do something like i wanna redeem her faith in people type shit. I'm broke as hell and only have a twenty on me (mind you i didnt eat anything yet and i was gon be in classes all day) so i struggled with if i should give it to her or not (that may sound wrong, but fuck it i was hungry and tired and about to spend the better part of my day up in that school building stomache growling and shit). while im having this conversation with myself she sits down in an empty space near some folk and man their faces. smdh. So i looked at her one last time and thought " u dumb motherfucker here you sit thinkin bout a 20 and a few hours without food. bitch please. that ain't shit compared to what she's going thru". Stop is coming up so i stand up go to where she's seated lean over and ask her : "what's your name?"
Sherrie she whispers. Man that shit broke my heart. I say "God Bless Sherrie" and slip the twenty into her hand while i shake it. Man. She she started tearing up. That "Thank You" i got was the most meaningful thank you of my life. i didn't even think just hugged her and said take care and rushed my ass out that train before i broke down. Just barely made it through the doors before the tears fell. What really struck me was the air of dignity she had despite her circumstances. So i'm sending out a prayer that wherever Sherrie is, she's okay.

What got me thinking bout this was an e-mail i got from CUNY to participate in a homeless strret survey where volunteers get assigned to an area and make a record of the number of homeless.

so this is what the email says:
On January 28th, 2008, the New York City Department of Homeless Services (DHS) will be performing a survey of unsheltered homeless individuals to produce a point-in-time citywide estimate of the population, the Homeless Outreach Population Estimate (HOPE). Teams of volunteers will canvass streets, parks, and subways to count the number of people living on city streets. This important information will be used to help homeless people leave the streets for a better life. To that end, The City University of New York is assisting the NYC Department of Homeless Services in their search for CUNY Student volunteers. To register or for further information, visit www.nyc.gov/dhs or simply call 311 and ask for "The Homeless Street Survey".